Hoping desperately to understand this disorder.

Life partner of 18 years recently discovered he suffers from dissociative amnesia. Once we understood the diagnosis it explained lapses in memory but we're really hoping to understand if it also explains his complete change in tone, level of aggression and mannerisms during these episodes. What's making this incredibly important right now and today is that money has gone missing and at least I believe that it was who he becomes in times of stress that spent it. Is that even possible? There are other issues going on as well, but once we got them under control this dissociative thing seems to have morphed into something much bigger and more potentially destructive. Can someone please give me some insight? Can anyone relate? thank you so much in advance. we really need help

Dissociative Amnesia is either present on it's own, or as part of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (formerly Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). I am unsure if the new Unspecified Dissociative Disorder (formerly part of the Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) also involves Dissociative Amnesia as it's difficult to find a copy of the DSM5 criteria when I searched a couple of mins ago...

efiladeeni wrote:Once we understood the diagnosis it explained lapses in memory but we're really hoping to understand if it also explains his complete change in tone, level of aggression and mannerisms during these episodes.

Dissociative Amnesia isn't characterised by identity alterations. It would be worth investigating if your partner has further dissociative symptoms that indicate one of the other Dissociative Disorders that contain both the symptoms you describe and the Dissociative Amnesia. It can take longer to get a diagnosis of one of the other disorders because it's more challenging for the doctor to note evidence of this and to narrow down which disorder specifically. Dissociative Amnesia is comparatively more straight forward to identify for a skilled practitioner. You can pop into the DID forum and chat about your partner's behaviour if you like, it is busy there and you will get more response: dissociative-identity/

efiladeeni wrote:I believe that it was who he becomes in times of stress that spent it. Is that even possible?

Yep. Very possible. Happens to me all the time. I have to make sure I pay my bills before the other parts of me get their hands on the money.... (I have DID)

thank you so much for your time and effort. I was really hoping that I'd be wrong, but the truth is more important to know so that it can be dealt with. thank you again. best wishes

efiladeeni wrote:this dissociative thing seems to have morphed into something much bigger and more potentially destructive

For what it's worth , noticing the symptoms more is actually a positive thing because then it can be worked through. It also means that the stuff and parts that were being buried can have a chance to be heard and expressed, which is good for healing.

efiladeeni wrote:I was really hoping that I'd be wrong, but the truth is more important to know so that it can be dealt with.

When you are talking to him, maybe don't approach the expressions of the other part as something that needs to be "dealt with". They are likely to react against you if you approach it like something that needs to be dealt with rather than a person who's various parts all need compassion and understanding. Try to think of it as negotiating problem behaviours rather than banishing a problem part that needs "dealing with"... Maybe get to know what this other part of him thinks about things first before calling him out on his behaviour. If that part spent the money, he's unlikely to tell you about it if you are critical of what he spent it on and why.

Thank you for the advice, can't tell you how much i appreciate it. The therapist doesn't think there's more than just amnesia going on, but what i'm witnessing isn't only that. I'm concerned about the aggressive aspect because we're splitting up. I hope i'm just being paranoid. Thank you again.

I've removed the post.