Hello!
I am so happy you answered me. This is helpful, I think you should try EMDR but.... you need to be ready. In a short moment or a flash of consciousness, I realize, if I could go back 5 years in time and not have all the problems I have had, I would try this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DALbwI7m1vM with someone who cares closely for me. The only thing this person needs to do but it's very important, is: be empathic, care very much and say a few sentences to you and NOTHING else. I mean this. It's very serious. This person cannot go off script. And it's not because I am writing on a forum for vicims and not a serious academic review for professionals that it's not true, this is crucial, you can get damaged if the person tries even one sentence off script, anything. If he or she respects that, you have a chance of getting well fast. The sentences are: "It was not your fault. /X (or I) care(s) about you, know that. /They, he or she did not have the right to do this to you. -and-or: This should not have happened. /This will never happen again. /You are safe now." They should be repeated over and over. If you have the courage, think through, feel through and talk about what is closest to the memory before feeling it through with your headphones on an 'play' pressed on, on youtube. Do it about 30 seconds at a time, start with the easy things you 'can' do. That is EMDR. The person who assists you, should have you in a place that feels good to you, do anything you want, closed or locked doors, drawn curtains, water nearby and most importatly: a thick blanket over your shoulders. Work for maximum of 40 minutes at a time and then rest for 48 hours, sleep lots.
OBVIOUSLY, I am not a professional and I cannot ensure that this will be as miraculous as I think it could be, but I tried finding someone who could really help for over 4 years and I will have problems for life. If someone had told me about this in time, I could have had a normal life after this. My thoughts anyways. I have gone from catatonic to almost "normal" (whatever normal may be and wherever the norm may take you

with EMDR. Go for it. But ask a professional first.
Lots of hugs and good luck.
One thought I should think everyday: it's a M-E-M-O-R-Y. I f-ing bad can it be? Right?
Best wishes!!!