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So confused can someone reasure me im not alone

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So confused can someone reasure me im not alone

Postby Brokenwoman1 » Wed Aug 23, 2017 12:49 pm

I think i must have dissosociative amnesia. My new pcpn thinks its false memory ocd but i know my memories of what happened 6 months ago are real. Cpn wont even explore the possibility of amnesia and its so frustrating i just need to know whats happened to my mind and why im suppressing such life changing information. Do i have an alter? As what i know ive done is not something i would do. Has anyone suffered the same as me? Please help. How can i forget something so important for 6 months?
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Re: So confused can someone reasure me im not alone

Postby MariannneM » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:45 am

Hello!

I just want to say: You are alone. There is no one like you on this planet. You should not be reassured about being normal. You are abnormal. ... Sorry, I felt like starting off with a little bit of humor, I know the feeling of being alone and thinking you are that one freak on the planet. I am that freak. I forgot a series of events that happened 5 years ago. I hope you don't mind my sense of humor, it does get better. I have never gotten the chance to speak to anyone about this and find someone who has the same problems I do so if you want to speak about this, it would be wonderful. I think you shouldn't worry too much. I have been soooooo scared, so lonely, so confused... It's not something you can really speak about without feeling like you feet are lifting from the ground. How are you now? I am in the middle of EMDR treatment and it's getting better every week but it's been such-a-ride.

Please let me know if there are any questions you want me to answer. This is the weirdest thing that can happen I think but the thing that kept me going is the concept of "post traumatic growth" and the fact that this event completely deleted my habitual depressive moods. I have become an improved version of myself in so many ways and although people don't know what I've been through (how could they), in secret, I have been reconstructing my identity like you rehabilitate a broken leg. It's crazy. How are you now? Afraid? Angry? Anxious? Panicked 24/7? Everything at the same time? Let me know, lots of blessings. M
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Re: So confused can someone reasure me im not alone

Postby Brokenwoman1 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:58 pm

Thank you so much for your response. Sometimes I feel like having a sense of humour is the only thing that can get me through this. At the moment I feel angry. People around me are trying to understand but how can they when I don't even understand myself. Every day more memory's come back, unbelievable memory's that I know are true it's like going back in time and reliving it all. People make bad decisions everyday but it feels like my bad decisions were unconsciously made for me and that makes me angry. Sorry I'm probably not making much sense how could I. What is emdr? I hope one day I will sound as positive as you it seems impossible at the moment. Can I ask how you recovered your memory's? Mine were almost suddenly then gradually every day more and more until a almost complete picture was formed. Really scared about remembering the ones I've still misplaced. Thank you again take care D x
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Re: So confused can someone reasure me im not alone

Postby MariannneM » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:18 pm

Hello!

I am so happy you answered me. This is helpful, I think you should try EMDR but.... you need to be ready. In a short moment or a flash of consciousness, I realize, if I could go back 5 years in time and not have all the problems I have had, I would try this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DALbwI7m1vM with someone who cares closely for me. The only thing this person needs to do but it's very important, is: be empathic, care very much and say a few sentences to you and NOTHING else. I mean this. It's very serious. This person cannot go off script. And it's not because I am writing on a forum for vicims and not a serious academic review for professionals that it's not true, this is crucial, you can get damaged if the person tries even one sentence off script, anything. If he or she respects that, you have a chance of getting well fast. The sentences are: "It was not your fault. /X (or I) care(s) about you, know that. /They, he or she did not have the right to do this to you. -and-or: This should not have happened. /This will never happen again. /You are safe now." They should be repeated over and over. If you have the courage, think through, feel through and talk about what is closest to the memory before feeling it through with your headphones on an 'play' pressed on, on youtube. Do it about 30 seconds at a time, start with the easy things you 'can' do. That is EMDR. The person who assists you, should have you in a place that feels good to you, do anything you want, closed or locked doors, drawn curtains, water nearby and most importatly: a thick blanket over your shoulders. Work for maximum of 40 minutes at a time and then rest for 48 hours, sleep lots.

OBVIOUSLY, I am not a professional and I cannot ensure that this will be as miraculous as I think it could be, but I tried finding someone who could really help for over 4 years and I will have problems for life. If someone had told me about this in time, I could have had a normal life after this. My thoughts anyways. I have gone from catatonic to almost "normal" (whatever normal may be and wherever the norm may take you ;) with EMDR. Go for it. But ask a professional first.

Lots of hugs and good luck.
One thought I should think everyday: it's a M-E-M-O-R-Y. I f-ing bad can it be? Right?

Best wishes!!!
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Re: So confused can someone reasure me im not alone

Postby Brokenwoman1 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 10:07 am

I will definitely consider emdr and descus it with my cpn. Ill wait untill the baby is hear though. You have no idea how much you taking the time to reply to me means. Thank you. If theres anything i can do for you im hear. Id be happy to hear your story if you wanted someone to listen.
D x
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