Did I dissociate? (TW)

I posted this on the BPD forum since that's what I'm diagnosed with and I've never experienced this before, but then I saw this forum and decided to post here too.

A few weeks ago I met this guy on a dating app. The first date went well, then the second date we went to his house. It wasn't until the next day when I was at his house again, and he casually brought up the fact that we had sex twice that I realized that I don't remember anything past making out on his couch from the night before. I don't remember the sex, whether a condom was used, how I got home. I do remember walking in the door to my home though, and I wasn't emotionally shaken up. I felt fine. My theory is that I was just really uncomfortable about having sex with him (he's a very pushy guy) so I just dissociated.

Does that sound right? Is it normal for people with BPD? Will it happen again?

P.S. don't worry I've gotten tested since.

Hi Loneyhear,

This sounds a lot like dissociation. BPD is in the differential diagnosis of dissociative disorders because it has dissociative features. Many of my BPD friends have talked about their experiences dissociating (although many of them also have dissociative disorders, so I don't know if this counts.) BPD is not mutually exclusive to dissociative disorders though, so if he suggests that you acted differently during the sex, you may want to look into the possibility of a dissociative disorder with your mental health provider.

BPD and dissociative disorders have similar antecedents (history of ab*se/trauma in childhood). So they have some similarities. If he continues pushing your boundaries in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it is likely that you will dissociate again. You should advocate for yourself in a way that makes you feel comfortable while also asserting that you have boundaries that he shouldn't push—if he's a good guy, he'll respect that, even if you already had sex.

I hope this helps (:

shininglights wrote:Hi Loneyhear,

This sounds a lot like dissociation. BPD is in the differential diagnosis of dissociative disorders because it has dissociative features. Many of my BPD friends have talked about their experiences dissociating (although many of them also have dissociative disorders, so I don't know if this counts.) BPD is not mutually exclusive to dissociative disorders though, so if he suggests that you acted differently during the sex, you may want to look into the possibility of a dissociative disorder with your mental health provider.

BPD and dissociative disorders have similar antecedents (history of ab*se/trauma in childhood). So they have some similarities. If he continues pushing your boundaries in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it is likely that you will dissociate again. You should advocate for yourself in a way that makes you feel comfortable while also asserting that you have boundaries that he shouldn't push—if he's a good guy, he'll respect that, even if you already had sex.

I hope this helps (:

Thanks! Yea, I'm no longer seeing that guy. I just didn't know that BPD was similar to dissociative disorders!

He might have been telling you that he had sex with you twice already, in order to get you to sleep with him.

"Oh. What are you talking about? We already had sex twice. We might as well do it again."

knowing full well that you two never had sex, and he just wants to get laid.

It's a form of gaslighting, and you're questioning your memory right now because of it. If you've never had a 'memory gap' like this, before this incident, he's probably just a major douche canoe.

Cut off all contact with him, and ignore him.

Was there any alcohol or drugs involved? If not then you could have dissociated. Or he could of lied, but that's a bold lie to think someone would forget about that and be right in assuming that you could have forgotten. Because if a girl I was with told me that, I wouldn't believe her, even with my dissociative problems. However, glad you dropped him if he really was pushy about it, some guys are that way I suppose.

He also could have spiked your drink with GHB or a similar dissociative drug. Have any abdominal pain/loose motions or were otherwise feeling unwell the day after?