Is my poor memory link to dissociation?

Hi all,

I'm not sure if I am in the right place. I've recently started going to therapy to try and deal with childhood issues relating to my parents divorce and my alcoholic mother who I still have a relationship with. I have a lot of difficulty remembering large chunks of my childhood except for a handful of events and occassions.E.g...When me and my brothers talk about our childhood we alway end up recalling the same 10-15 stories....... I was never physically abused but did suffer from a lot of pyschological childhood trauma etc.

In my last session the therapist spoke about my dissociation with my past experiences and emotional numbness. e.g I talk about my past as if it happened to someone else and feel emotionally numb when recalling some stories etc.

Anyway throughout my life I have always felt like I have a really bad memory. I mean I chat to friends and ask them about their weekend or future holiday plans etc and then days later I forget what they told me and when I talk to them again I ask again and look really silly. For years I thought I was just being too self involed and not willing to remember details about other peoples lives. I have in recent times tried to improve this as obviously it is difficult to maintain friendships when I ask friends the same questions repeatdly week after week as they begin to feel like I am just disintereste in them. It has even got to the stage that I started writing down details when friends told me things in a diary and reading over our previous conversation before meeting them again so I could look more interested in their lives and just be a better friend.

I also have huge difficult recaling study information. I am currently studying for a postgrad in Clinical Nutrition so obviously I have some memory recall to have complete school and a degree etc but when someone asks me a simple nutrition related question I find it so difficult to recall the right information even though 'I know the answer' and may have read up on that particular topic for hours.

I haven't really delved into these things with my therapist yet as I've only just begun to think maybe my bad memory is linked to my dissacction issues. Does anyone have a similiar experince or advice on this? Can it be improved? I want to improve my memory not only to be a better friend bit also for career purposes etc as wont be much good in my job if Im asked simple questions and cant give clients simple answers.

TIA

Hi,

It does partly sound familiar. Anyway, it's best that you do talk about this to your therapist or psychiatrist, to also rule out other memory issues. Some people get dementia symptoms at a surprisingly young age, and other conditions can cause problems with memory as well. Whether it can be improved or at least slowed down will depend on what exactly is causing it.

Let us know how things go, ok?

Best,
SG

Hi snailgirl,

Thanks for your reply. Yes I definitely plan to speak more to my therapist about this at my next session. I guess I was wondering if this happens to others or if there is a link at all in general between the two? The memory loss is not as bad as some of the other examples and descriptions I've read about so was interested to know.

I will for sure let you know how it goes

Hi TIA,

a lot of what you described as far as difficulty remembering friends responses or unable to answer a question, sounds like distraction or concentration issues. Depression us one thing that can cause similar things. Also, some medications.

Not remembering most of your childhood isn't typical and could be dissociation. I'm sure your therapist realizes feeling numb, etc are all signs of dissociation.

Talking to your therapist or asking why they think you have some dissociation would be a good thing.

All the best,
Kali

Hi Smiley83,
I'm the very same way and I was wondering the same thing. It's so debilitating being like this and I've been this way all my life. I just went to the doctor today to ask about therapy, I have been wondering if it is repressed memories from child abuse because of several other factors. I have had a turbulent childhood anyway but not enough to render it to be blocked out almost completely. I would like to uncover my memories, I understand that you need to feel safe to do so and ready. I think I am but I don't know how to start the process myself...

Any input/advise about this from anyone would be great?

Thanks.

I'm exactly the same way. Only sometimes i can completely remember stuff VERY well....and other times absolutely nothing...i did notice that i ask certain questions on facebook...or i will see a picture on facebook and i will go to comment or ask the same question or email the person to ask...and i'll notice there's ALREADY a email there or post or comment from me weather it be months weeks years ago of me asking or saying the exact same thing...WTF? lol..it's VERY embarrasing i wonder how many times i ask stuff....some of my good friends will say DAMNIT MAN you really DO have dementia don't you you aked that 5 times already lol...it's scary though i thought maybe i had alzeimers young (i'm 39) but i did see a neurologist and they did a mri and brain wave scan and he tends to think it's ADD or whatever...so who knows....but i do know it's really bad but when i do remember things it's very vivid and fine...

my worst things are sexual though....people tell me i did or said sexual stuff i would never think i'd do..i'm very prudish and stuff and the stuff ex's may tell me or whomever is VERY embarrasing like it was a completely diff person...now that is frigging weird

I don't know what I have but some of your comments ring very true to me.
- I talk about my past in a detached, numb way, as if it happened to someone else.
- people tell me their plans and i forget. I feel bad as it comes off as uncaring, ditzy, self-centered. I also write it down to remember later
- I can't recall info well at all

Here's a weird one, I wonder if anyone can relate -- I don't have a good memory for personal events. Friends will say we've been to X restaurant before and I don't recall it. But beyond that, for example, my kid's birthday. I don't remember the birthday party hardly at all. But I've seen photos, and I can recall the photos. What's that about?

The OP was awhile ago now... OP, are you still around? What did your therapist say?

Oh I can relate to the memomy problem too. Right from the school up to the now. Its so embarresing to foget all those details of the lives of your friends when they remember everthing about you.

When I was younger and I was not aware about my amnesia and dossociation and their link to memory problems, I tried to compensate and develop some supermemory using the mnemonics. It turned out that you have to learn mnemonic techniques and you forget them right after the learling too. What a joke.

One major factor that ignites the process of proper building of the long-memory problem is anexity. And it goes hand in hand with dissociation. But I can’t share any positive experience as I am unable to fix my own memery yet.

Sounds familiar. Sometimes I can not remember something I in fact know by heart, I'm especially bad with fancy words, names and numbers. Often this happens when someone asks me a question which is somehow out of the context and I couldn't have expected it. In general my short term memory is awful. If someone reads me a list of worlds I will remember only some of them, and when I'm trying to learn something new I have to repeat it many times and still have problems remembering what I have just learned.
For me the poor memory is directly linked to dissociation and has to do with the past abuse. I can sometimes later on identify the cause of some piece of info fleeing from me when I would have needed it, as in what happened in my mind when my memory went. Often I've gotten very slightly scared, subconsciously thinking something bad might happen again.
Anyhow it is best to visit a doctor if you suspect there might be something else to it. It's good to get things ruled out and you can relax about it, knowing your head is ok helps with dissociation too.