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Leaving The Forgotten Behind

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Leaving The Forgotten Behind

Postby h33ling » Tue Dec 01, 2015 12:28 am

There was a poet I met online who became like a mother to me. She was like the therapist I never had, but one thing that I couldn't agree with was her assurances that I didn't need to remember my lost past. Now I know that she was right.
Due to my mother's DID me and my siblings (all but one) can't remember our childhoods. My memories begin when I was about 13, and the few memories I have before that are floating above the floor and reaching into the television to grab a candybar on a Snicker's commercial.
Slowly, the amnesia is swallowing up my life. It's almost as if, for every year that goes by, another year is lost. My daughter is 21 and I can't remember her childhood anymore.
It's an odd feeling, to have no history. All my life I've heard people rehash the past, laugh about things they did when they were young. Family members used to say "Remember when....?" and it hurt them when I would say no so I stopped saying it. Not being able to remember destroyed my life for awhile, but slowly I moved on.
It is possible to work through things without having remembered their source. Of course, there are some issues that will not go away until we've found the source of the trauma that caused them to come into being, but you'd be surprised how happy you can be and how little the lost stuff really means when you start learning to love yourself.
Learning to love yourself and accept yourself just as you are makes everything better. It might not make every problem go away, but it improves all things just enough to want to see another day dawn, and that's really important. One step at a time.
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