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depression is ruining my life

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depression is ruining my life

Postby lillie17 » Sat Jan 28, 2017 7:27 am

Sometimes I wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up. There are times where I literally just sit around all day and debate life. I'm sick of my friends telling me "you have so much to liv for, so much potential, so many things you haven't seen yet" it's such sappy #######4. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this especially my family who are such judgmental assholes who'd react someway like "just breathe threw it and it'll go away".

The majority of the time I *mod edit* use my "friends" for my own gain just so I wont be alone even though I dislike most of them. All I want to do is go out clubbing, taking drugs, and slowly disappear into an early grave. I turn 18 in less than a week and I plan on asking my doctor if I can be prescribed Xanax or some other less addictive drug like Bromazepam or Clonazepam.

I want to feel numb instead of secretly lost in sadness almost all the time. There are time where I feel high on life and then on the verge of suicide. I think I'm bipolar, plus I'm positive I have bad anxiety even though my mom thinks I don't. I've recently been thinking of hurting myself again which I usually commit be beating myself until bruises appear of my legs, arms, or face.

I want someone to understand where I come from without judging me. I was bullied in middle school brutally in middle school by those who I thought were my friends and was cast out by half of my family because they thought I was gay. High school wasn't much better either and this is something that has made it's way back to me my entire life. I just want to be happy rather than hopeless.
Last edited by Otter on Tue Jan 31, 2017 3:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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