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Why am I feeling this way?

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Why am I feeling this way?

Postby Witch_whey » Sun Sep 11, 2016 3:55 am

Hello. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD two years ago. I tend to invalidate my own feelings. It's almost as if I'm in denial about my mental health. I've been diagnosed by multiple doctors and therapists and yet I still often find myself questioning if I'm exaggerating or making everything up. I can't trust my own evaluation of how I'm feeling. I'm so confused because I don't know how to prove to myself that my problems are real. Every night, when I take my medication, I find myself thinking, "do I really need this?" Then, minutes later, I'll be considering relapse (self harm). But for whatever reason, I'm still not fully convinced that I have any sort of disorder. I feel guilty, like I'm lying to myself and everyone else. What if I'm just using up resources that could be going to people who really need them? All of the time slots in therapy that I've taken up, all of the insurance co-pays, all of the pills. I can't compare my feelings to those of a "normal" person, because it is impossible to know exactly what it's like to be in somebody else's head. What if it's all been a waste?
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Re: Why am I feeling this way?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:23 am

Hello and welcome to Psychforums!

I think it's normal to invalidate yourself on your disorder. I've done so myself many times. I have Bipolar I. And then I remember my worst moments and I know I am properly diagnosed.

I was diagnosed having clinical depression for about 7 years and then the diagnosis changed. Throughout those 7 years I was constantly depressed. I was not well. I know that because I was suicidal and depressed for no reason. It was chemically based depression. But even before that I was depressed years before and I didn't know it because that was my "normal." If you happen to be on medication and you can function through everyday without difficulty, it could mean that your medicine is working.

You certainly could be right in believing you don't have depression. What I suggest is to ask your doctor everything you wrote here the next time you see them. Maybe even print this out and take it with you. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or another doctor? Doctors do make mistakes so it is possible that you are right, so yes, ask for more input from them. Let us know who it goes.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

Bipolar I
ADD (inattentive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable
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