First, english's not my native speaking language, sorry in advance if some sentences might appears odd.
So, I've got a dx of depression and anxiety by a psychiatric a couples of weeks ago. However, I always felt like something was wrong with me.
As long as I can remember (I am 25 right now), I've experienced the following:
- Procrastination. I postpone a LOT, and it caused and still causes problems at school/work for several years.
- Quite often the inability to get focused on work, courses, etc. My mind goes wandering, am lost in my thoughts, I go daydreaming, even when not feeling depressed/anxious.
- Talk to myself aloud when alone, making conversation between me and someone else. I never felt like someone was there tho, nor had audio/visual hallucinations.
- I've had problems with social interaction when I was a child, mainly due to bullying I guess, but this problems is almost gone now, got friends and I love to hang out with them, and I feel comfortable in social interaction. Apart from some moment where I feel uneasy when people are around, I feel like my mind is not there, am not in the moment and I feel the need to isolate myself.
- I got easily bored, even by thinks I like.
I went to see a psychiatric because more problems emerged about May 2015, following a break up. I started sleeping less, around 4-5 hours a night, woke up frequently. Still had trouble concentrating at work, bought an old motorcycle to work on it to keep my mind busy (that is something I had in mind for a year). Had daily mood swing, including anxiety, irritability, my mood got better when my ex texted me, then worse a couple of days later, felt like empty, that my life has no meaning. Worth noticing that we've only been with each other for 3 weeks, and I had no relationships for the last 2 years. That lasted 3 months, and ended up with me having suicide ideation one night, in late august. I then met another girl, have been good for one month, and then back to what seemed like a depressed state. Lost 6kgs, had no appetite, felt like doing nothing. that lasted 4 months, from october to january, then went like this sumer, anxiety going up and down, motivation going up and down, sometimes thinking my gf is about to dump me, that she is hiding things from me (that doesn't last long tho, a couple of days, plus we are in a long distance relationship). Sometimes I feel good and happy, i still have conscience that I got problems and that they are going to get solved, sometimes am feeling despaired, thinking that I will never be able to have a normal and happy life, completed with suicide ideations. Sleep is very disturbed. I'm sometimes jealous of people around and they 'normality'. Those mood swings occurs several times a day, never really last more than one day. My self esteem is very low, mainly cause I am unable to do the thinks I am supposed to do.
I am not asking for another dx, just advices or comment from people who might feel quite the same.
I am wondering if this could looks like early onset of schizophrenia, bipolar 2, ADD/ADHD, borderline, or whatever it can be. Feeling quite alone with my problems.
Thank you for reading and commenting, any help or support is welcome
