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Depressive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified is a thing?

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Depressive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified is a thing?

Postby ScientiaOmnisEst » Fri Sep 04, 2015 6:45 pm

Hm. Not sure what to say other than to come right out and say it.

I've had recurring depressive symptoms for years. Frequent low mood, sensitivity to anything negative; abysmal self-esteem and self-image, periodic suicidal ideation (first experience of which was around age 11. I'm 21 now), feelings of hopelessness and occasional emotional numbness. In the last few years my symptoms have been getting worse, particularly the more cognitive and somatic symptoms: mild anhedonia, inability to maintain or develop interest in anything, frequent boredom and frustration.

What makes the idea of this...syndrome so appealing is it could finally give people reason to take my symptoms seriously. No one ever has, not even after I failed out of three colleges, displaying the same symptoms every time: my mood would tank, I would isolate myself more and more (and I'm already rather introverted to begin with). I would stop going to class and spend my days tooling around the internet, sleeping (I was exhausted most of the time), and eating, sometimes to the point of binging until I felt sick. Every time I came home, the attitude was, "You're too lazy, you're not working like you should [granted, I wasn't]". and I'd be shunted off to another school to try again, until finally I gave up and moved out on my own.

Depression of some kind runs in my family. My great-grandfather committed suicide; my grandfather and several of his siblings struggled with depression and self-medication. I've watched my mom go in and out of nasty depressive states: by the time I was 13 I had mentally steeled myself against the possibility of coming home and finding her dead, her talk of suicide concerned me so much. She only recently got diagnosed with a "cyclic mood disorder".

Yet me? "You don't know what real depression is. Your self-esteem is fine, if anything you're too cocky and need to be knocked down some; stop complaining and trying to get attention; you're not going to kill yourself, stop being dramatic; if I ever catch you self-harming, I'm sending you to a mental institution - I'm not having that in my house." I don't ask for pity. But I have spent a while wondering what this is I have, if anything. Because I can't help but feel it isn't normal. It isn't normal to self-hate so much, to feel so hopeless so often.

I've never been low enough for a real depressive episode. I've seen what actual depressive episodes look like, and it's nothing I've ever experienced. For me it's a low baseline mood, struggles with self-esteem that never go away, mild obsessions, a passion for comparison and self-denigration, and frequent guilt and shame about...existing, really. Plus the occasional existential crisis. Could this be what I have, DDNOS? That I'm not just "reacting to a bad situation", or looking for attention?
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Re: Depressive Disorder Not Otherwise Specified is a thing?

Postby confusedMel » Sat May 28, 2016 9:30 am

Hi, I might not be the best person to give advice on here but I sympathised with what you said about your depressive symptoms. I also have long periods of avoiding others, although I personally don't think I'm much of an introvert. When I tried to explain this to a psychiatrist he poked and prodded until be basically just concluded I'm naturally pretty extroverted but it's not the case since I have times in my life where I surround myself with a large group of friends and am constantly around them, and others where I isolate myself, the friends drop off as they never see me anyway, and feel very anxious and self-conscious around most people I meet. Anyway, I don't think it's fair on you to put poor sleep, shutting yourself away from people, suicidal ideation as well as the effect it's had on your studies down to laziness. Maybe you should ask for a second opinion on this, if you've actually gone to someone for help and been turned away.
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