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Feeling like I'm doomed to failure?

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Feeling like I'm doomed to failure?

Postby Roseredpinball » Wed Oct 07, 2020 3:56 pm

Hello all, it's exactly as the title says, I feel like I'm doomed to failure. I'm 23 and still not entirely certain what I want to do with my life (I have some ideas I guess but I'm not sure). It feels like no matter what I do I'm destined to become nothing but a burden on my family and society. I have no boyfriend, I've never really been in a relationship. My life is passing me by and I fear I will end up an old maid, all alone. I fear I will never truly do anything with my life, that I will wind up spending the rest of my life living at home with my parents, never getting a job or getting married or starting a family of my own. All because of my stupid anxiety and depression and lack of self-esteem (my ugly appearance doesn't help either). I fear my parents will pass away, disappointed in me, and I will be all alone. Like I said, I'm not entirely certain what I want to do with my life, I have no boyfriend, no plans. Even my friends have mostly drifted away from me and I rarely speak to any of them. There is one friend I still see and speak to on a fairly regular basis, but even she seems to be drifting away sometimes (and is struggling with her own depression and anxiety). I feel like I am almost cursed. I try to tell myself that these thoughts are irrational, that the idea of being cursed in irrational, but it's difficult to change my feelings. I know rationally there's no such thing as curses, and i don't actually believe in them, but sometimes it feels like I am cursed. Like no matter what I do I am doomed to fail and waste my life away. Does anybody else feel like this sometimes? What can I do to change my mind, to stop feeling like I am doomed? I feel trapped in a cycle of failure where I feel like I am doomed to fail and thus I do fail, but how am I supposed to change that? How can I change my expectations when the outcome is the same? Idk, I'm just rambling now. Please help.
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Re: Feeling like I'm doomed to failure?

Postby Snaga » Fri Oct 09, 2020 3:12 pm

I think just about everybody feels like that at some time or another. I know I feel that way a lot, most of my life up until my older 30s I could have written that post with just a few minor changes.

Well, let's see in no particular order. It's super hard to get out of depression, I know. I probably have what would be called clinical depression. No official Dx but every time I take a self-evaluation it screams at me to go get help NOW before I do something to myself (pretty sure if I was going to do that, I'd have done it by now).

Job... well me and jobs don't get along, but I like to eat. I mean, sooner or later you just have to grit your teeth, and stick your neck out, and if you fail at one thing, you have to find something else.

Boyfriends... relationships... no confidence in yourself or your looks. been there done that- I'm Bi and was born male but yeah no confidence and I ain't pretty. Um... spent a lot of lonesome nights thinking a relationship meant everything. Now that I'm in one, I find it's not everything my mind set it up to be. It's a lot of work, for one thing. Also it didn't 'fix' me.

Mind you I'm not complaining, I do like being with someone, that's the natural human desire right?

Just that it's not a miracle cure for Life.

but that is a digression (and a warning against disillusionment). the point being that I was alone, and a virgin, well into my 30s. And then I got tired of it. When I got tired enough of it, and decided to not worry about my looks, or worry about how I felt about myself, or worry about rejection... a relationship happened! When I quit hiding, in other words.

For me, it just takes being tired enough of where you are, to step into something that might be better. Nothing's without risk, but without taking some risk, heck if left to myself I'd be curled up in a fetal position in an underground bunker worried about asteroids hitting the earth. That's no way to live.

Mind you I'm still awful at 'living'. I'm avoidant as hell and still depressed and generally hate myself and all the rest, but I mean sometimes you just have to say screw it I'm going to try and live a little.
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