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Can someone please help me out??

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Can someone please help me out??

Postby kandee » Mon Jul 12, 2010 1:34 am

Is this Depersonalization or something else? Psychosis? Catatonia?

What is it called when you don't feel alive anymore?
When you feel like a zombie? when you look in the mirror and get scared because you can't recognize the person looking back at you? when you are numb? when you feel like someone else is controlling your movements and thoughts? You do everything normally, but your not doing it. t feels like someone else is. Does this have a name? I know I should ask a doctor and i will, but what do you think it is?

Ok so let me put it this way. This is a question i asked somewhere else. I'd like to know if part of this sounds like DP and which part:
---"I am not real. I mean I am, but I don’t feel like I am. I feel like..someone else is controlling my body and thoughts. I look in the mirror and yes I see me, but I can’t recognize myself. I know it’s me but that face doesn’t look familiar. I can’t recognize my family. I know who they are. I talk to them like I’m ok. I do things like theres nothing wrong with me. It’s weird. There is something wrong with me. I feel it, but I don’t show it. I do have depersonalization/derealization. I also see things. Transparent/see through/glowy things. Glowy see through spirt-ish faces of animals or objects. I know they’re fake, but I still see them. Yeah its probably schizophrenia. It’s scary sometimes, but that’s the least of my problems. Nothing feels real. This has been going on for a few months now. I’ve been in a psychiatric hospital and it didn’t go to well. I’ve done what my psychologist has told me to do. Nothing seems to be working. The medications don’t work either. Sometimes I think…what if this is life. What if I’m supposed to feel this way. But a year ago I didn’t feel fake. I don’t know me at all. My mind…its not mine. It’s numb and someone else is making me do things. Sometimes I just wanna bang my head against the wall (but I don’t). It’s terrible. I never have a moment of peace. I can’t just be me for like 5 seconds. I don’t even know me. Yes, I am a teenager and a lot of people for some strange reason think this is normal….uhhh no…no it’s really not. I can get “trying to find yourself”, but this is BEYOND that. I’ve researched a lot of disorders and none of them seem to match. I will be seeing my new psychiatrist soon. I’m not even sure how to explain this to him without under exaggerating it and making it seem typical, because it’s not. It’s hard for me to even type this. Like ok…I can type it. I know what I’m typing . I know what I wanna say. I’m doing it, but it’s like I can’t control what I’m doing. My brain is full. I never get much sleep at night. That might be PART of the problem but not that whole thing. I do get my 8 hours though during the day. Whenever I try to sleep at night and close my eyes my entire brain gets full. All these weird random thoughts rush to my head. I’ll be thinking about something. I close my eyes. Try to sleep and BAM a bunch of random thoughts jump into my head and get me confused. I then wake up/open my eyes and everything is disoriented. My heart is racing. Nothing makes sense. Nothing registers. I forget who/where I am even more. I don’t know if that’s a panic attack or something else, but I swear to god it happens every single night when I try to sleep. I eventually just get REALLY tired and fall asleep around 5am. If I don’t sleep all day my derealization gets pretty bad. I don’t even wanna try anymore. Anyways everyday I wake up at about 3pm. There goes my whole day. Fine. Whatever. No big deal. I do get lonely sometimes though. I don’t have any friends and my family and I don’t get along very well. They’re all well…mean and crazy. My mom is nice sometimes. Other times shes really mean. She tries to understand what I’m going through but gets annoyed and stressed or whatever. My siblings…well…oens a pervert (hes 11), ones a jerk (16), one ignores me (27), and the other one doesn’t stop yelling. She’s so dramatic and sensitive. (shes 32) I feel very neglected by everyone. My father is in jail. I don’t remember him too much. I have memories of him, but I can’t tell if they’re real or false. I do know that he did very bad things. Some things I’m sure about. Others I’m not. He was a bad person. He’s getting out of jail soon. (in like a month) He’s gone all christian now. He loves Jesus and blah blah blah blah. Yeah right. He’ll probably forget about Jesus after he gets out and go back to doing more stupid things. Me personally…I’m not religious at all. Clearly since I have a very nihilistic view of life. I don’t know if I should call the nihlism a belief. It’s most likely from the derealization or something. See….I don’t know anymore. I mean like…I don’t know which “symptoms” are normal and which are from my mental disorders. I seriously would like to know if there is even a mental disorder to describes how I’m feeling. Like I said depersonalization is the only thing I got right now, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. Biggest problem- Not being me. I do normal things like I’m fine and in control of my own body, but like I said I’m not. It’s not me. My brain is like…clogged or something and my memories are all messed up. I feel unfixable. Doctors have been trying to fix me for over a year. I don’t think it’s any physical issues. I’ve had my hormones, and brain checked and all that other stuff. I mean…I’m looking around my room right now…everyone’s so cartoon-ish and unfamiliar. Me? Right now…I’m numb. I’m dead. I don’t know what to do anymore. That was the best explanation I could give. It’s much worse that it sounds. I don’t want to spend my whole like in a psychiatric hospital. I just wanna be normal and have a life. I can’t have one until I get better. Please don’t tell me to go out and make friends and get out of the house. Yeah..uh…..tried that. I’m incapable of keeping friends. I myself am very sensitive and dramatic like my sister. I’m also very mean sometimes. I can’t help it. If I put a pen to a piece of paper right now my hand would move by itself. Like I know I’m drawing, but I don’t feel it. I don’t pay attention to it. It just happens. The drawing comes out fine, but it won’t feel like I drew it. It just happened. It’s like it drew itself. That’s how everything feels. Like it got done by itself. Like I’m not doing anything. Um I also stare into space sometimes. For a few seconds. Kind of like an absence seizure, but I’m pretty sure its not. When I sit down sometimes I’ll rock back and forth. I can’t help it. I feel alone. I know other people have similar problems, but surely they couldn’t be as bad as mine. I think I’d rather have cancer or some type of bad physical disease than have this. I’d AT LEAST like to feel real or feel like me. Feel like a human rather that a robot or something. Uh that’s the best I could do. Yeah. Thanks. There are probably some spelling errors. Sorry about that.

It gets worse every single day. I don’t know what to do----"
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby jasmin » Fri Jul 16, 2010 2:31 pm

Kandee, did you see your doctor yet? Do you think this has to do with anything traumatic that you went through (I'm not saying that's the cause, I just think it might be good for you to talk about everything). Please don't give up, I'm sure your doctor will be able to help.
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby canolime » Fri Jul 16, 2010 11:26 pm

Hi, kandee! I'm sorry about what you're going through :(

Yeah, all of that sounds like depersonalization and derealization.

I think Depersonalization Disorder seems to match. Read this, and see what you think.

http://www.depersonalization.info/overview.html
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby xstatik » Tue Jan 14, 2014 5:07 pm

i think i have the same problem after the blood transplant about 10 yrs ago i feel more like a zombie everyday i wake up been banned from doing any work what so ever. My mum always very protective of me like god i'm 35yrs old for cryin out loud. I think i'm a vegetable with a brain not able to do anything
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby jasminealicex » Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:51 pm

This is exactly how I feel! I've briefly mentioned it to my therapist but I'm telling her everything on Thursday so hopefully I will get some answers. Have you seen your doctor yet?
bipolar, BPD & Panic Disorder. Mother of 3
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby Wikipur » Sun Oct 07, 2018 4:48 am

Hi, did you finally find a solution? The reason i found this post was because i googled: “someone is controlling me”. A year ago, i had the exact same experience, thought my wife would leave me. I would drive to work and not know how or who drove, stare at my hands, my face... i could almost “see or feel” as if i were on the passenger seat of my body observing someone else doing the controlling... wish you can reply... though it was unbearable, and lasted for more than a year, i solved it.
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby NyxX » Sun Oct 07, 2018 1:32 pm

Wikipur wrote:Hi, did you finally find a solution? The reason i found this post was because i googled: “someone is controlling me”. A year ago, i had the exact same experience, thought my wife would leave me. I would drive to work and not know how or who drove, stare at my hands, my face... i could almost “see or feel” as if i were on the passenger seat of my body observing someone else doing the controlling... wish you can reply... though it was unbearable, and lasted for more than a year, i solved it.


Depersonalisation can cause out of body experiences. Depersonalisation is a type of dissociation, and dissociation is a normal and healthy response to protect you from under and over stimulation. So healthy examples of both would be doing a routine task and not remembering having done it or feeling emotionally numb after a bereavement. Dissociation becomes maladaptive or unhealthy when it stops being when your mind needs protection and becomes your default.

I feel its also important to note that many people with dissociative identity disorder (DID) describe experiences where someone else is controlling there body. In those cases there is another identity in control. Becoming aware of such experiences can be an indication of healing as parts become more aware of each other and blackout or lose time to each other less.

If you have questions about disconnection I'd probably say to ask them on the DID section of the forum because it's significantly more active than the depersonalisation section which this is in.

dissociative-identity/

Good websites with resources about dissociation are below

https://www.pods-online.org.uk

http://www.firstpersonplural.org.uk

http://www.isst-d.org
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Re: Can someone please help me out??

Postby Malasha » Wed Apr 10, 2019 9:52 am

That sounds terrible! But in really, there is nothing wrong. It's true, it is an unpleasant condition.But it doesn't hurt your physical health. It drives you crazy only in a figurative sense, with its importunate. You want to take a break from it, but you can't. Therefore, you must somehow learn to live with it. Against this background, you must learn to feel comfortable. It's possible. What you're saying sounds terrible. And you will be surprised that it is possible not to suffer from it, and it is possible to have a big share of pleasure.


*mod edit- copy-pasted text*
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