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I'm losing my mind.

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I'm losing my mind.

Postby Eggman01 » Sun Dec 23, 2018 9:54 am

So for the past 2 weeks I have done nothing but lay in bed and thought. And thought and thought. And yet more thinking. All of it philosophical in nature. About numerous topics ranging from utopia, morality, god, the soul, meaning of life, evolution, whether life is suffering, social darwinism, you name it, I have probably obsessed over it. My parents are worried about me but everytime they try to talk to me I push them away because they will never understand my line of thinking and reasoning. I only eat and use the bathroom when neccesary. Otherwise I laid there and I did nothing but thank to the point of feeling dizzy. My mind going from one concept to another.

Recently I read two stories that really freaked me out and sent me reeling into thought. The first one is called The Egg by Andy Weir.

The story is basically about how everyone is actually one soul in different bodies and everything about life is nothing but us hurting ourselves in life. The universe is an Egg and we will all become one singular god. This story scared the crap out of and made me convinced that is what the afterlife is going to be like. So many spirtual people something similar to be true and it scares me and now I feel like it is the truth. I kept thinking and analyzing about that line of thinking and came into fear that I have been enlightened. That I have seen the truth and there is no one else except me.

And then there was a 2nd story called Talking to God that I read. This story is similar to the Egg and then talks about how humanity has to go through suffering and conflict and war in order to continue to evolve. And then when we reach peak evolution we will turn into a god. Stories like this scared me and have me thinking terrible thoughts like how war is good and we must suffer in order to advance ourselves. That Social Darwinism is the fastest way to advance ourselves. I tried reading counter arguments to these thoughts but I am convinced they are true.

I feel so depersonlized right now and so dizzy. Anxiety nearly filled me the entire day and now I feel nothing but these thoughts in my head 24/7. I have lost my moral compass and now believe that suffering is a good thing in my head and humanity must suffer more. Im too tired to argue against it. I feel like I have become enlightned or something. Guys is there any truth to my thoughts? Or am I delusional and this is just the depersonlization talking. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Eggman01
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Re: I'm losing my mind.

Postby OMNICELL » Sun Jan 06, 2019 2:01 am

create some goals; I suggest you read " Think and Grow Rich" Napoleon Hill; In his book; a famous founder of how to become successful; his take on God and the universe becomes more useful for a better life; and I think its a better use of time.
.
Your doing great; keep writing.
Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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