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This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

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This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

Postby vdgg » Tue Nov 27, 2018 6:36 pm

Hi. I'm 32 year old. I suffered from depression and anxiety now for 17 years and never try anything to heal myself. I've spent my whole 20s hiding in my room and isolated. Now this year my dog died and my dad got cancer so I went through lot of emotional stress and cried every day. Then I was overwhelmed by thoughts of death, death of my parents, how time flies, how things are not what they were supposed to be befores, how I cant back into my youth and so on. Then I slipped into this nightmare which I think it is depersonalization. It started about two months, one day I lied in my bed and started reading book but then I figure out that I cant focus on it. Then it became nightmare and agony. It feels like a really bad trip and I cant get out of it. My vision is very strange, it feels that Im heavily struggling to focus on anything and even if i try I have horrible burning anxiety all over my body, intense squezzing in chest, discomfort in stomach. My head feels the worst. My eyes feel squeezed and burning, my head feels like it is separated from my body. Also the worst thing is that my head is torturing me even strange feeling that my head is floating. I have loud ringing in my ears. I cant feel anything. When I put music I feel nothing. I can't do anything so I just lie whole day in agony. The worst is at morning, anxiety and despair are unbearable. Then over day its slightly better. At evening my head start squezzing me ( I dont have any physical pain) and burning, I have horrible sensations. It feels like I have flu and high body temperature. My hands are light and weak and feel very robotic or like that they are not mine. Im freaking out, i cant stand this torture, I want to die seriously. I got panic attacks before but they are gone now and this is million times worse. I really hope that this is depersonalization with derealization. But im terrified this is permanent. I will do mri scan to see if there is any brain damage. Can someone help me with some advices? Is this really DP or something worse. Please help me...
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Re: This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

Postby NyxX » Fri Nov 30, 2018 12:30 pm

Your discribing alot of somatic symptoms and some that sound like depression and a little depersonalisation. So you should get checked out by a doctor and make sure there isn't anything physical going on and you should look at seeing a therapist. Ask the T about there experience with dissociation and depersonalisation because you want someone who understands that because it can make threapy more difficult.
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Re: This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

Postby spinningtops » Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:36 am

hi i was in intense ptsd and at some point went to a healer cause i was afraid of doing something bad because of it. (tho I maybe had DID before I went to healer too and as a kid and teen. it just got where everything getting processed was 'too much'.) anyways, i went through intense similar feelings. as the ptsd for the most part left, but instead felt super disconnected to everything. there was a point even eating, couldn't really taste things, felt there was a massive bubble between me and everything else, so it was very bad too. I could not recognize my family as my family for a while, I mean I knew it was them, but in my heart I had no feelings for a while, just blankness. I felt like I lost everything about myself..

it took a while but it got better. i still have DID dissassociating problems. it had gotten a bit better, but between overworking to try to get my dream job for years and then recently continuing my spiritual healing process it's come back. but its more or less in a form i can handle (except my dream job is suffering).

, but it's tolerable now when there was a time when absolutely wasn't. the worst of it (the painful aspects) lasted 6 mon - 12 mon. Anyways, the point I'm making is at the time I honestly didn't think it would ever get better, and in time I am guessing it too will get better for you. So try and be patient with yourself. Try to find something that can at least somewhat distract yourself with what is happening and will help with the panic feelings. if you at all can
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Re: This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

Postby vdgg » Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:19 pm

Hi its been two months now when this started, it is only slightly better but it won't go away. I still have sensations in my head and body. Loud ringing in ears, numbing around eyes, not feeling my body. Its like Im detached and out of my body, also everything has changed in my body in some bizzare way. My head, hands, chest, stomach and legs feel from rubber. Even when im calm Im actually not and terrified it will forever be like this. I know how it was when I was normal and I can tell difference. Before I could do something but now I can't do anything. I want to feel myself and be normal again desperately. This feels like really horrible psyhedelic trip, I've never used those drugs but I have read some expiriences and I can totally relate to that. I have had brain scan and everything is fine. My therapist said that I have psychosis, borderline and depersonalization. I have started taking Risperdal, Escitalopram and Klonopin. Also told me to go to mental hospital. I can't live in this nightmare. Not sure if any medication will help me. I lost myself... Can anyone help me?
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Re: This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

Postby MichelD1984 » Fri Mar 01, 2019 12:13 am

Hi vdgg

My name is Michel 34 from the Netherlands

First i hope you feel better soon. Yesterday i was thinking how well i was doing after all this Depersonalization $#%^ that controlled me for so long. And the fact people mostly are on these forums when they have a problem. Less when they have a solution. Also i realize this solution is one of 100 you can find online. This one worked for me. and might not for you or someone else. But might it be the SUN :) Don't hate me yet.

It took 8 months before i finally had an appointment with a psychologist who told me that depersonalisation disorder is not a thing. And that stress is the cause. ###$. But on every topic like yours f.e. I read other people who have the same damn problems. So we know what it is.
Most people have a crappy time behind them. same here. crazy rollercoaster lives we live. We hide inside.

After a 2 year period of DPD i went on vacation. 2 weeks of sun. And o when you have dpd you do not want to go on freaking vacation. But the sun was there to. (We where not friends the sun and i ever) Since then i had 3 months of possitive DPD. Superhappy. And then again after while the bad DPD.
I found when it are 3 bad weather days. symptoms returned. But 1 day of sun and all is ok.
The vitamine D. No i am like border DPD. But the sun controlls it. Sorry if it sounds crazy stupid to anyone. Find your way. the land of not being connected to your body. Living in 3th person and everyone is a robot. It aint a nice one.

I was very inspired a while ago by a guy that wrote. It happened to me 3 times know. Once 6 months. then 3. and last time one month. In this time i learned to control my head. Now that it is gone. sometimes i call that surreal feeling and laugh to it. I am in control.

Later
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Re: This is nightmare, please if anyone can talk with me...

Postby yodasbongrips » Thu Mar 28, 2019 8:50 am

Hello! my name is madison! I am 18 years old and have been living with this disorder my entire life, infact my oldest memory is my first experience of it at younger than three. I would suggest finding a way to "find your reality." Usually when i feel really bad or like nothing is real, I plant my feet flat on the floor, sit up straight and try to focus on wiggling my fingers and toes and what the ground feels like. Another good strategy (even if it seems weird) try describing specific objects in the room or around you! Might help with the floaty feeling you mentioned!
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