Our partner

Questioning if I have DP/listing my thoughts & symptoms

Depersonalization Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Questioning if I have DP/listing my thoughts & symptoms

Postby KimberlyJ » Sat Jun 16, 2018 3:00 am

Over the past month I have rapidly grown a large about of irrational thinking. I had a panic attack from a dream I had and I haven't felt like my nomral self sense. My dream was one of those dreams where you wake up in your dream, but you aren't actually awake. After this dream occurred I started to question if I was in reality or in a dream. I had a constant fear that I was going to wake up and it would lead to multiple panic attacks. It then progressed to feelings of being spaced out and almost like I was in a dream/wasn't here. I went to a hypnotherapist and did a few hypnotherapy session for anxiety and found no relief. After that I began questioning the reality of things like myself, my mom, a tree...pretty much everything in my sight I was questioning. Days later I visited a therapist and he diagnosed me with chronic panic disorder. My therapist mentioned something about me going into a "dark place" if I did not recieve help, and it freaked me out even more. I had a few days I was feeling better, and then one day I was using a hole punch and had a "why am I doing this right now, what is the point of anything?" thought. I went into pure panic which lead my dad to show me videos on Buddhism(he practices it) the videos made me have anxiety on the thought of enlightenment and started to make me question what life is. I began discussing with my dad on my feelings and he asked me a question on how I think the world started. I began to instantly panic. I truly have never thought of it in such a complex way and I can't begin to understand it. I was raised to have my own beliefs and not be forceded into religion, but the issue is I really don't have a belief or a comfort because life and earth itself is something I can not understand. Ever since this conversation I have been suffering with 24/7 thoughts on existence. Just the thought of the fact I am alive and here scares the crap out of me. I constantly panic all day. I have issues having conversations with people because I can't even process the thought of speaking, communicating, and if that person is even real. I have fears of my own eyesight, my ability to think, the thoughts of being able to hear, and being in my own body freaks me out. I am convinced I am losing my mind. My thoughts make me believe that I can't have peace unless I think these things. I also have began to have a huge fear of death.
Examples of my death thoughts:
-life is all a trick and really I am in some kind of hell and finally realizing it
-when I die I'll be lost forever(when I die I want to be reunited with my grandma and feel peace)
-we are all actually dead

I recently was tested for Candida in my bloodstream and I have an overgrowth. Ever since I started the diflucan my DR put me on ive noticed my thoughts have heightened and I can't seem to get any relief from them. I truly am terrified to live because I can't understand why I am living in the first place, but my mind won't rest until I figure it out. I don't recognize myself anymore or my family or feel any emotions I used to...I just feel empty I am afraid I can never go back to feeling normal.

I am really sorry for the long message and anyone who takes the time to read this thank you. If any of you could just comment and tell me if this sounds like DP that would be helpful. If you could refrain from telling me your own thoughts and fears you experience that would be nice just because it can cause me to panic. I know that's annoying I just am very overwhelmed and can't think about anything else, but am just trying to search for some answers on if these symptoms sound similar to DP because I have never heard of it or met anyone experiencing it before.
KimberlyJ
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 2:30 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Return to Depersonalization Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests