Our partner

What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Depersonalization Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby HauntingShad0w » Thu Jun 07, 2018 8:29 am

I'll be honest, I never checked to be diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I know very well that I have both of them.

My story with DP/DR starts here:

I come from upstate NY, and moved from NY to TN and back too many times to count..

I've grown up relatively healthy, at least I think I have, and I didn't experience DR/DP in the past at all, but I remember my first panic attack happened around 16 or 17 years old, and it was from choking on a soda, and also the heat used to cause them. Fast forward 9 years. I've graduated you highschool by now, and even graduated college, and I went to live with my family in TN, which lasted about a year.

*THIS MAY CAUSE TRIGGER* (I really hope it doesn't)

I used to get panic attacks just by thinking about them ever since the experience that happened around the time that I was 16 or 17. Oddly enough, I don't get panic attacks at all now, which I'm thankful for, but I think that was replaced with my DR/DP now. Well when I was in TN, I decided to move back to upstate NY again, and I eventually took a plane and wouldn't you believe it? I had not one panic attack.

During the time I was in TN, I had met a girl online and we were dating (It was my first online dating experience). I even tried to make plans to see her, but nothing worked out, and to make matters worse her mom didn't want us dating. (She was 18), but we continued dating for a little without her mom knowing. Well, I moved back to Upstate NY and continued life as normal, but her texts to me became more and more scarce. I was talking to the friend that actually told me she liked me and basically hooked us up one day, and I told him all about it, and he said that "she wanted solitude".

This broke me inside and I became very angry at her and confused. I hated how she led me to believe that we could even have a future together, but I hated more that she didn't just tell me to begin with that way I wouldn't have been in that mess. Needless to say, after all of this I could only think about panicking. I tried to distract myself from it over and over again, at first by watching the show Rick and Morty with my brother. When he went to sleep, I would just sit there and play fallout New Vegas all night. This all basically lasted months before winter started, and the entire winter. I basically just stayed inside without talking to anyone (I feel like that's more of a cabin fever thing)

One day while I was playing the game, it occurred to me that everything felt different. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore, and I could barely feel any emotion except scared, actually I didn't know what to feel. I wish I could say it ended there though. I know I was never crazy or diagnosed as crazy, but I basically convinced myself that I had other personalities for a small time, and it scared the $#%^ out of me. I remember convincing myself that there was screaming coming from inside my head and that finally ended the same night (I'm aware that I get audio hallucinations and hallucinations when I'm very tired, and can't even go 2 days without sleep because of it).

I don't feel as scared as I did when that started, but I still have anxiety about things happening like that. I know i'm not insane, but I can convince myself of it. Here I am typing this at 4:25am and trying to find an answer. One thing I noticed is that ever since all of this, I've had a cold feeling inside my head that never seems to go away, at least if it does I don't notice it, and imagine it's similar to getting tingling in your cheeks and other parts of the body when you go through a panic attack.

Also, some days start seeming normal, and sometimes it's not. I feel like I have more days with DP/DR than not having it. I really just want to escape this madness. I had goals before this and still would like to pursue them, but I can't think clearly like this, and I just want it to end and be free.

I don't know how these things usually happen, and I wouldn't have ever guessed that DP or DR was a thing, but I can tell you that I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even my enemies.


I just want to feel normal again. Thanks for taking your time to read this everyone, and i'm very sorry if I had crappy punctuation. I'll be honest, I don't know if I'll ever escape this, but I do feel like I will someday.
User avatar
HauntingShad0w
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:59 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby Zor » Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:35 pm

IDK if there is a "cure" per se- but have you tried talking to a therapist? Maybe they can help resolve some of the underlying things causing it, or teach some "grounding" techniques to try and mitigate the effects or even control it in time.
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 925
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby HauntingShad0w » Fri Jun 08, 2018 3:53 am

Zor wrote:IDK if there is a "cure" per se- but have you tried talking to a therapist? Maybe they can help resolve some of the underlying things causing it, or teach some "grounding" techniques to try and mitigate the effects or even control it in time.


I've always been reluctant to see therapists or doctors about anything because I'm afraid of them suggesting me to take medicine, and I really don't care for taking medicine for anything except headaches. I'm probably one of the most boring people you'd meet to be honest lol.

A lot of people in my town tend to smoke weed, and do other things to make themselves feel better, but I've always just tried to cope with what I have, and I don't like the idea of modifying head to put myself in a better move and only have it be temporary.

I'm not really sure what you mean by grounding techniques, do you mind elaborating? I'm not trying to sound like a jerk haha, I really just don't know what that is :o
User avatar
HauntingShad0w
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:59 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby Zor » Sun Jun 10, 2018 1:28 pm

HauntingShad0w wrote:
Zor wrote:IDK if there is a "cure" per se- but have you tried talking to a therapist? Maybe they can help resolve some of the underlying things causing it, or teach some "grounding" techniques to try and mitigate the effects or even control it in time.


I've always been reluctant to see therapists or doctors about anything because I'm afraid of them suggesting me to take medicine, and I really don't care for taking medicine for anything except headaches. I'm probably one of the most boring people you'd meet to be honest lol.

A lot of people in my town tend to smoke weed, and do other things to make themselves feel better, but I've always just tried to cope with what I have, and I don't like the idea of modifying head to put myself in a better move and only have it be temporary.

I'm not really sure what you mean by grounding techniques, do you mind elaborating? I'm not trying to sound like a jerk haha, I really just don't know what that is :o


The medications concern is one I understand- I am the same way. I hate being on them for anything unless it's 100% necessary. I am only on one (entirely unrelated to my dissociative disorder) and I'd prefer to even get off that if I can.

Maybe if you're up front with the therapist that you don't want medication if at all possible and would prefer to work through it with therapy? The one I just started to see (my first) was actually really receptive to this idea. I told him I'm uncomfortable with medications, particularly brain-effecting ones, unless it's an absolute requirement, and he was respectful and understanding about it.

I have never experimented with other drugs (like weed), but I don't see how it's any different than getting drunk to escape the pain and/or trouble. It's a blanket to cover it up, but doesn't make it go away, imho. Others may disagree and find ways to use it more productively, but it's never been something I've seen as very beneficial, much less successful in coping. To each their own though. ;)

"Grounding" is a practice to try and keep the mind focused on the reality of the moment. Usually involves things like focusing on something or noticing things in the immediate surrounding, and taking effort to look around you to notice specific real world things, in an effort to try and keep the mind accepting what is seen and trying to keep it from pulling away and causing the surreal and "this is a dream-like world" feeling about the real world.
I only know about it from outside dissociative stuff (I am only newly diagnosed myself) but it was something a teacher recommended to me many years ago b/c I was terribly scared of speaking in front of my class (a requirement for so many classes growing up) and it was a way to combat the anxiety. Basically I'd look at the clock, bookcases, windows, various objects in the room to draw attention to them, to focus on things (in this case, other than the 20+ people staring at me) that existed and were tangible and real (opposed to surreal and dream-like), to try and keep the attention where it needed to be in order to the assigned task.
I've read it's sometimes used by dissociative people to keep their mind from going too deep into the derealized/depersonalized state by drawing their attention to very real things in the world to keep their focus on something tangible. I am unsure if it's a practiced thing (it was for my speaking anxiety- and I still have that, but doing this does help a bit) or if the application is different, it'd be something that maybe a therapist (I know you're uneasy with the prospect of seeing one, but it's a good place to get help) could help with- perhaps others here could, too, if you make a thread asking about it (here or the DID part of these forums which seem to be a lot more active).
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 925
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby HauntingShad0w » Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:40 am

Zor, I really appreciate you elaborating on what grounding means, and thanks for understanding! I've definitely been coming in and out of DR/DP and it's great to be able to look around now and actually notice the world in a regular perspective again.

I'll definitely take note of everything you said and practice grounding techniques as you have suggested :)
User avatar
HauntingShad0w
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:59 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby Zor » Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:50 pm

I hope that they help! :)
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 925
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby HauntingShad0w » Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:54 pm

Zor wrote:I hope that they help! :)


Thanks man :) I actually feel like i've been getting better since I posted that too. Also, I hope the best for you about your situations as well and hope you get better too! Sorry i'm not really able to give advice myself, because i'm honestly new to symptoms such as these ^^
User avatar
HauntingShad0w
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:59 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby Zor » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:48 am

HauntingShad0w wrote:Thanks man :) I actually feel like i've been getting better since I posted that too. Also, I hope the best for you about your situations as well and hope you get better too! Sorry i'm not really able to give advice myself, because i'm honestly new to symptoms such as these ^^


I am new to this stuff, too… but honestly, knowing other people out there have this stuff happening is a comfort (I don't feel so alone) and that they live with it (encouraging), and that people care (always good to know and feel) is a help.
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 925
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby HauntingShad0w » Tue Jun 19, 2018 3:52 am

Zor wrote:
HauntingShad0w wrote:Thanks, man :) I actually feel like I've been getting better since I posted that too. Also, I hope the best for you about your situations as well and hope you get better too! Sorry I'm not really able to give advice myself, because I'm honestly new to symptoms such as these ^^


I am new to this stuff, too… but honestly, knowing other people out there have this stuff happening is a comfort (I don't feel so alone) and that they live with it (encouraging), and that people care (always good to know and feel) is a help.


Honestly, I've been practicing this grounding technique, and I think it has helped a lot! I feel way normal and I'm able to sleep without issues :o Sometimes I feel like it will happen again, and that makes me scared, but I've definitely seen improvement in my life now, and it's starting to feel the same :) I really hope for you to get out of whatever you're going through as well!
User avatar
HauntingShad0w
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2018 7:59 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What's the best way to end DP/DR?

Postby Zor » Tue Jun 19, 2018 1:02 pm

HauntingShad0w wrote:Honestly, I've been practicing this grounding technique, and I think it has helped a lot! I feel way normal and I'm able to sleep without issues :o Sometimes I feel like it will happen again, and that makes me scared, but I've definitely seen improvement in my life now, and it's starting to feel the same :) I really hope for you to get out of whatever you're going through as well!


Glad to hear it's helping! :)

Slowly things are starting to make some sense and come together for me… but this will be a long, long road ahead still. Thanks. :)
(Body - Male, 39)
Zor - primary host & main poster
The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
User avatar
Zor
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 925
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 12:32 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:42 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)


Return to Depersonalization Disorder Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests