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Dark Night of the Soul

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Dark Night of the Soul

Postby Tamir » Fri Feb 23, 2018 11:10 am

Hi, last year I started to meditate and to be in the now. Last month I got depersonalization/derealization. I dont feel like myself. I have emptiness and meaninglessness inside. It hurts so much. I dont know if I should see a doctor or continue spiritual journey for enlightenment. I could not find what doctors think about spirituality, meditation, enlightenment, high awareness and etc. What do you think?
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Re: Dark Night of the Soul

Postby Unusual » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:45 pm

What do I think ? I can only go on my personal experience. I think that to look inside ourselves is definitely a good thing.
Maybe your attempts at meditating caused you to be still and calm ? And maybe you saw progress ? I believe it's a good grounding to be at ease instead of living in a situation where theres lots of interference from outside sources.. I found myself I could focus and listen inside myself as to the loud thoughts both in my conscious mind and sub-conscious mind.
My attempts to reverse those anxious thoughts set me on a path to more freedom and saw me being able to reverse a lot of my symptoms.

David.
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Re: Dark Night of the Soul

Postby narsul » Sat Mar 24, 2018 1:20 am

Hi Tamir. As a practicing buddhist I can mention that any kind of meditation - unguided or guided uproprerly - can lead to more problems. Especially if the meditator has psychological issues or trauma. This is an often overlooked topic among those who meditate. Often more problems happen when the meditator tries to use meditation as a way to supress or get rid of feelings, emotions, memories. Maybe you try to do it too, thats why you are feeling empty. But this is not what a good meditation supposed to do. A good meditation at first brings you closer to your thoughts and feelings and you get to see them all very clearly. And than it lets you sit calmly with them, live through them - so they will dissolve. But for this, you must be willing and have strength to face all the emotions and memories that might come up during the session.

So my advise is this: you better talk to a doctor and to an experienced meditator too. It will help you solve the confusion and to understand if you took a wrong turn in your meditation.
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Re: Dark Night of the Soul

Postby Unusual » Sun Mar 25, 2018 7:46 pm

Heres my own story.
I can only say what I found out about myself was that I was held in my Dissociation due to the safe place it offered me from all other fears and worries. But it was a terrible existence.
But I found out after a few years of looking inside my head that I was subconsciously keeping myself inside the womb of Dissociations self preservation. I was actively triggering the seclusion provided by Dissociation whenever I felt the world outside getting close... But reversing that subconscious process where we are keeping ourselves there can only come when we look inside ourselves in our quiet times when walking down a road or something, Thus we can become aware that we are putting up this barrier of self preservation. This barrier kept me in my Dissociation constantly for 17 years without any break at all. I found out that actively reversing and disassembling those subconscious thoughts started to release me. And putting into practice a process of taking hold of every one of those self preservational inclinations started to set me into a trail of freedom from mental torment. Being unable to experience any emotions or feelings for people or anything at all and with severe memory loss constantly for these years was a killer.
I was unable to receive help from any medication during this time due to the medical condition 'Treatment Resistance' which I have.
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Re: Dark Night of the Soul

Postby Tamir » Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:36 am

My depersonalization/derealization lasted around 40 days. I resumed meditation 10 days ago. Now I meditate just 5 minutes per day (not 20 minutes as before). I meditate in order to find peace, which I could not find with the help of psychotherapy and medication.
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