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Derealization from PD

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Derealization from PD

Postby Midwinter » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:24 pm

Before bashing my PD, I would advice you to find another topic.

I am constantly fluxing between being clear in the head and calm, and then having these periods of derealization and anxiety that is often caused by loneliness and a lack of purpose. It is often accompanied by ahedonia and dysphoria, when I am not being admired (NPD). It manifests itself in being afraid of death and my eternal oblivion.

Lately I read that the universe could be infinite, always have been, always will be. It somewhat calmed me, because I've tried to gradually expose myself to the fear of not existing. I think it is caused by the ego. Why do I have to die? Why was I granted this beautiful life? Why do I have to let it go?

Lately I am doing well, as winter has started to transition to summer. The colors become more vibrant and I am more aware. But often times I have these very obsessive thoughts about my existence, the reality that this is and what lies to the creation of it. It sometimes leaves me with immense panic attacks that causes tremors through my body for a period of 5-10 minutes. In the days following I experience derealization because I feel the world is less real, or so surreal that it can't be real.

Do anyone else experience this? It's partly because I am in the middle of an existential crisis. Do you have any advice on how to reconnect? I feel so much inside my head, and not out in the world. I feel afraid to get caught in the illusion that life is, and forget to live it. It is a weird paradox, but I seem not to be able to do much about it. What do you do to reconnect with the now? Mindfullness bores me to pieces and it doesn't work.
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Re: Derealization from PD

Postby bunnilizpark » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:22 am

Have you ever tried painting?
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Re: Derealization from PD

Postby bunnilizpark » Sat Apr 15, 2017 5:55 am

Have you every tried painting? Abstract expressionism specifically. Your thoughts shut out it's kind of like you're on muscle memory autopilot where you invoke intuitive flow to guide.


I asked this hours ago but I guess [mod edit]
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Re: Derealization from PD

Postby CameraEye » Fri May 19, 2017 11:35 pm

You write very interesting thoughts. I also was petrified of nothingness, the vastness of universe, thoughts of who I am and why life exists..
But here is the problem - you talk about things that none has an answer to. Great thinkers from the beginning of times were breaking their heads on such questions. No one has the universal answer.
What yon can do - follow their advises. Try reading more books of philosophy, existentialism. Not boring essays and greek classics (if you are into then be my guest), but books in a more entertaining format. Personal for me a book called Alchemist by Paulo Coelho opened a door to great variety of interesting books on such topics.
And meditation and mindfulness - it works, and it has been proven that it works over and over again.
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