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hyper aware of existence

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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby Sw48 » Tue Jan 12, 2016 5:50 am

Very nice response.
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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby warabou » Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:37 am

Omg can I relate to your original post... it gives me so much anxiety, this feeling. Normal human behavior just feels so strange and foreign to me, and the fact that it doesn't seem normal to me makes me feel even weirder. It's a never ending cycle of things feeling strange and that strangeness making me feel strange about my own perception of things. I can't even walk normally when I know people can see me because the motion of walking feels weird. Being a human and looking like I do and knowing I'm in my body and this is MY body and nothing will change that yet my body will change and my mind will change yet I'm still this person... I don't know. I'm sorry i'm rambling, I wish I had a helpful answer for you but all I can do right now is relate. Reality is too strange to be real, but I can't imagine what a more "normal" existence would look like. Existence is in itself almost a paradox too weird to comprehend, and living in it must take some amount of ignorance to feel comfortable with all its strangeness and impossibility. Like a dream. Sometimes I feel like it's a miracle that in this cold, infinite universe there can be a self-contained terrarium with diverse creatures who can think and feel. Other times it flips from being a universal view to a very claustrophobic, self-conscious view and I'm terrified of being an individual living thing in such a big world populated by people I don't understand, in a universe I can't comprehend, in a body I can't fully connect with, with a mind that seems to work against me--and yet I am my mind! I wish everyone who felt like us could meetup at a big existentialist convention and hook our minds up to a machine that connects all our minds and lets us feel less alien and alone lol.
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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby smoke40s » Tue Mar 15, 2016 4:35 pm

I only skimmed through your post/the replies, looking for similarities in myself, but not actually caring about your situation or even my own. And so I think that is the base of this disorder, for me at least.

I look in the mirror a lot.

Others, myself included, like to joke around about my "egotistical" nature. I flip my hair and laugh, because of course, I'm the best. Self-absorbed. I've taken what can be seen as a negative trait and turned it into something quirky and funny.

But it's not what I say it is. I look at myself and I study the thing looking back at me. What are my eyes but squishy, delicate spheres? A sphere is just a shape. What is a shape? My skin, stretched over muscle and bone, protecting me from the elements. What is skin? What is muscle? *trigger warning- cutting* I can take a scalpel and draw it over the skin, slicing it, watching the red flow. Its warm, thick, and I can sense that there is pain associated with this action, but what is pain but your brain's response to harmful stimuli? *end trigger* If you are not in any actual danger, what is pain? It's pointless. It's nothing.

I feel pain. I feel love. I feel, constantly, just like everyone else. But I can't perceive it as anything but my brain responding to stimuli. I feel, though have no emotional connection to the feelings. I can accept and note that they are there, but they mean nothing to me.

And so I'm obsessed with self-care. I do not neglect anything. I perfect my appearance. I do anything I can to succeed and project a positive, inspirational image. I have no shame, no guilt, no empathy, because as far as I'm concerned, other people are in the same boat as me. They are just objects, the same as me. It's like nothing is actually real, and nothing is meaningful. They, too, are just skin, stretched over muscle and bone, moving around, spouting quotes to make themselves feel better, guzzling coffee for energy, going about the motions.

All I long to do is lay in bed forever. But I need to get up, go make an appearance, pretend. This all doesn't always interfere with my day to day life. I have a hard time holding jobs, I'm irresponsible, impulsive, I have the capacity to be very heartless and cold. I can go out and dazzle people, but it begins to drain me, and I change my path and quit everything as easily as I obtained it.

None of this is anything. Everything is absolutely nothing. I am not here. And neither are you.
Last edited by Ada on Tue Mar 15, 2016 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Trigger warning added. No other changes.
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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby soupdejour » Sun Apr 29, 2018 6:57 am

is anybody here in 2018 ?
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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby dais » Fri Jun 01, 2018 4:07 pm

the problem is identity- I am so and so, I feel so and so, my thoughts, my body, my life, personality, individuality, history... Instead of being happy and enjoying the freedom from the burden of identifying with a body-mind [depersonalization is detachment from 'me'=body-mind], a human, and individual, you feel something is wrong. That comes from the conditioning of living in the society, starting with family conditioning in early childhood when you went through the 101 of separation- how to be an individual in a world that is either full of temptations or full of threats- the duality of desire and fear that rule over the belief of being an individual.
Let feelings and emotions be- they are transitory; you are not them but you are behind them, the background upon which they come and go while you remain unchanged. Live as the observer, witnessing all these without getting involved by reacting and you'll be at peace. Space does not judge, take positions of agreement or disagreement with what is happening inside it; it accepts everything equally. Be like the space, that you already are but fail to see this by indulging into thinking, fascinated by all that moves, like a kitten... Leave movement alone, let it be and just be still!
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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby thefuture » Thu Jul 26, 2018 8:06 pm

Reading French existential philosophy helped me with these thoughts. Will make you feel less alone, and give you words to put to your feelings. Especially "the absurdity" of existence.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism
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Re: hyper aware of existence

Postby thefuture » Fri Jul 27, 2018 8:43 pm

thefuture wrote:Reading French existential philosophy helped me with these thoughts. Will make you feel less alone, and give you words to put to your feelings. Especially "the absurdity" of existence.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism



From there I would advise diving into Phenomenology to get really deep into the perception of things.

Its comforting to know there have been thousands of philosophers who have felt how you're feeling now; and wrote about their experience in great depth and beauty :

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/phenomenology/
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