I'm lost.

Hi, basic stuff about me I'm 17 & my main language's french so pardon my poor english.
If I post here today it's because I'm scared $#%^ and I don't know what to do. For the last few months I can feel myself getting worse. Lately I realise that I forget everyday words when I talk which I try to hide and feel really bad about it because I used to have a realły good vocabulary reading a ton as a kid & until 2-3 years ago. I feel (and probaly look) extremely awkwàrd whèn with a lôt of people (classroom 4 example). Other stuff i realised is I barely remembèr my trip to frànce this summer, only some little parts of it. Every thing older then a week seems vague. I don't remember the name of movies i recently watched. I worked for like 2 weeks at a wîndow making factory this summer and I felt sô awkward and was making so many mistakes I decided to quit telling a $#%^ reason to my mom. I am awkward at everyday stuff. I have done drugs last year and smoked a lot and it probably is related. I've always been a bit like that but it got 10 times worsè in the last few months. I am skipping a lot of school right now and honestly most of what I do is płay call of duty on my xbox. I rareły go outside and got a bit of weight (always been perfect weight not skinny not fat). rarely see friends and if i do its to get drunk or game. I did not taking any real drugs in the last 4 months (or môre i doñt even have tha good of a notion of time anymore...) as I realised I was ######6 myself up. I smoked once in the last 2 months and it gets me super high with almost nothing which wasnt the case before (I don't act normal at all when im high now). I don't know what to dô, I can't just tell my mom I did a lot of drugs and i feel like I'm getting crazy.I'm turning 18 in less then a year and I don't feel like an adult at all. I have a hard time concentrating on stuff. WTF is happennin to me and what should i do is all i want to know. You can judge me but thats not the answers I need. thanks .

Sorry about those random accents im typing on my phone lol

Hey there,
Sorry you're having such a difficult time with your memory. Have you talked to your doctor about this? It's always a good thing to rule out a medical issue first. the things you mentioned, can have an effect on memory, but I think it's always good to get a professional opinion. Can you make your own doctor appointments or does your mother do this for you? Perhaps you could just say that you aren't feeling well and that you would like to talk to your doctor about it?

I am not a medical doctor or therapist, so just can't tell you what is happening to you for sure. One thing that could possibly cause this is depression or a combination depression/anxiety disorder. Depression can cause many different symptoms and so many people don't even recognize it in themselves. Perhaps a counselor would be a good place to start, as they have more time to really sit and talk, talk, talk about what you are feeling inside about all this. A MD that is both a certified Psychiatrist and Neurologist, is worth it, if you can find one, as doctors are not cross trained in different specialties. Psychiatrists diagnose depression/anxiety, etc and give medication, the good ones do it after taking tests to see if you are deficient in vitamins which can cause this also. Neurologists rule out other issues that can cause it. A regular family doctor is just generally trained and may or may not help but can certainly refer you to one of these specialists if your have insurance and need a referral to get to one.
You could know if it could possibly be depression or a combination of depression/anxiety by reading up on what to do about depression , do some things, even if it is only one thing a day for awhile and see if this makes you feel better. This would be good information for your doctor to know when you go to see him/her. The vitamin SAME , available at lef.org (good info on protocols on what to take for depression and anxiety) or a health food store , is just as effective as SSRI antidepressants , dose 800 to 1200 mg first 2 weeks, (divide into 2 doses is ideal) then lower dose as to how you feel. This is an example of one thing to try , daily for a month. Besides vitamin, google Dr mercola and check out his Emotional Freedom Technique (EMT), is another example.
If it makes me feel better, I don't think I felt like an adult until around age 40, seriously, I used to ask myself if I felt old enough to raise a kid, and it wasn't until around age 40. How do you judge what defines adulthood? I'm 55, and everyone I talk to feels so much younger and didn't "feel" like an adult at 18 either, I think we all put on a good front because it was an expected way to be.