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Entanglement

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Entanglement

Postby Sunnyg » Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:36 pm

This is what entanglement looks like.
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"I trust that if I start to fall off the ladder of life again, others will pick me back up and put me back on."
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Re: Entanglement

Postby Sunnyg » Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:51 pm

#boudaries #consentmatters

Apparently, anybody can touch your body’s privates and get away with it. That was my takeaway from talking with the municipality.

On last Saturday, a comedian leaned in. When the picture was taken, I thought it was his stomach pressing into me as it was happening. It wasn’t till the next day when I looked at the photo that I got the joke.

In the photo my eyes show a laughable expression of alarm, when you zoom in. At first, I too thought the expression was funny, until I realized, this violation touches complex trauma wounds. Not a modern joke at all.

This is an old school romance move and it’s unhealthy humor, it’s not cool (Old school romance is defined best by “Beyond Heaving Bosom’s: the Smart Bitc#es Guide to Romance”).
In the late 90’s the Romance Writers of America Association banned rape and rape culture from mass media content, this started the evolution of new school romance. I want new school romance with actions in the context of healthy relationships. #consentmatters #notajoke. This is past the point of funny.

The Comedian did not ask for consent and I do not have a consensual relationship with him that would allow such public familiarity.

I am not okay with this. It didn’t happen because I was dressed sexy, case in point, my basic long green dress. I was not drinking. I quit alcohol a while ago. Although I drank for years to cope with the last time a man violated. The original trauma that I couldn’t make sense of happened during an exam while experiencing orgasmic labor at the birth of my daughter. It took me 15 years to process that trauma to be able to respond with a healthy ability to hold my boundaries. By the time I reported it to the Medical Board it was 15 years after the incident, it was past the 5-year statute of limitations. But what’s 10 years when you are healing trauma? Healing is slow with these types of wounds. That is my experience anyway.

On Monday evening, I decided to make my own moves:
• I called the sexual assault hotline and looked up my rights at http://www.rainn.org.
• I went and made a report to the PD. I chose to enforce my boundaries. This is a health issue regardless of age, race, ethnicity, gender, and disability status. Last time I waited to act I suffered for years without healing, stuck in my issue and getting stuck in the energy of entanglement. I’m not gonna play around with the idea that “someday he will love me.” I’m past that place.

I got sick of telling my story sadly, years ago. That was the whole purpose for choosing stand-up comedy. Then this fool touches my trauma and I have the picture of it as a bad reminder that comedy needs to evolve. That is right Mr. Comedian, that’s you. I do not accept it. My ability to put up with sexual misconduct has been depleted when the physician abused his power at the birth of my daughter then I lost my mental health.

I don’t have the privilege to laugh this off. Last time a man with power abused his power I wrote a book. This time you get this post. This is about me having agency and holding healthy boundaries.

Why does the city get to decide I don’t I have rights against sexual misconduct?

Today 11/11/2021, Veteran’s Day, I got a call from the PD. The municipality refused to act on my report. My take away: Guard you’re a$$ and tits ladies and gentlemen. Apparently, anybody can touch your body’s privates and get away with it.

The hotline #, I’ve needed it 5 times already.

I only want sexual contact and intimacy within the context of a healthy relationship. Comedian, this wasn’t a healthy move. Please don’t assume every woman wants sexual touches. I assure you, I want a healthy relationship, and this isn’t it.

Violating a woman and not having a relationship where she is satisfied is just wrong. Please don’t touch without consent.

#consentmatters #TheComedian #humanrights #boundaries

Public Apology - Dialogue Matters

Dear Friends, Family, and the Comedian,

I want to apologize to friends, family, and especially to the Comedian. I'll start out with full disclosure, I have serious mental illness and have been struggling with inflammation and to be honest, my mental health has not been 100%. It varies day by day with my personal issue (I have a problem - causing inflammation and impacting my wellness). I do not say that as an excuse for my actions, but if I was 100% I would like to think I would have done better. Not that I want you all up in my business, but I was feeling really lousy about this situation. And I believe honesty is the best policy. I want to explain what happened, and what I learned, and what I hope for in the future.

1. I posted a long post on social media that consent matters. I perceived that the Comedian had touched my breast during a public photo opportunity. Some agreed with my perception of the picture, some could care less, for some it induced trauma, and many others were confused, I'm sorry for adding to everyone's trauma. It isn't that I didn't perceive it, but after talking with my therapist, I realized I needed to have a healthy conversation with the Comedian if I want to try to heal.

2. In reflecting, I've experienced Samsara, duality, and delusion before, so honestly, at this point, it doesn't matter if he touched me or not. My therapist believed I needed to talk with the Comedian to process this event better for my own ability to heal. My narrative was just that, one-sided, without the perception of others involved.

3. When the Comedian and I had a brief dialogue, I understood that he had no intention of a cruel joke, harming, violating, or even touching me. I realized the intent wasn't there. It was not my finest moment mentally having gone out on a limb with the picture on social media saying to guard your privates. My social media narrative didn't help the situation. While I agree that consent matters, after communicating with the Comedian's loyal fans - who convinced me to take the post down and listen. People said, "this Comedian lives by his values." That made me think I needed a better way to understand my perception. I have character and have lived differently enough to know my narrative isn't always reliable, and my therapist is right, dialogue matters. Plus, I have no interest in harming anyone's career.

4. The Comedian is really the funniest comedian who's come through town. I would like to humbly apologize to all of you. I have another issue of a deeper trauma that I've been stuck trying to heal for over 15 years. This time, I developed a fear that I'd feel trapped the same way struggling with this perceived violation. Thankfully, I hope to heal from this matter with the Comedian better than the last issue where I perceived that exam with the Physician as a violation.

5. If I could go back, I would have had a dialogue directly with the Comedian about the issue prior to going to report it through posting all over social media. The comedian and I deserve to treat each other as fellow human beings and have a dialogue about what happened. Today, I think the United States is falling to $#%^ because people aren't having these conversations. The legal system sucks for dealing with things, it takes too long, there is little healing, and a lot of wrongs are being done by the system. I needed to hear the Comedian's point of view to find a common ground to listen and understand what the heck happened. This world is wild with video everywhere, and we need to connect and understand all the information - especially together. I want a world where everyone wants to be and that means I want to listen and understand more. I want people to talk with me to find common ground when I'm hurt. I'm human, not perfect, but trying to do better.

6. I thought railing against the issue of my perceived violation would make it better. Turns out I felt worse than if I'd sucked it up and tried to cope with my perception in isolation. With any social issue, we need a social solution. There was a need for dialogue and inclusion. Isolation is about the worst thing for mental health. We need more conversation and dialogue.

7. Thank you to M. a super fan for helping to raise my awareness of how this issue was traumatizing and irresponsible. I'm sorry.

8. Thank you for reading this long commentary. Please accept my sincere apology. Next time I think about posting, I'm gonna try having a real conversation instead. I wish I'd called someone sooner.
I am truly sorry for any emotional response my earlier post may have brought. In reflecting on this I've decided to take a vacation from social media (after this post to make amends to the Comedian).

Sunny

I quit social media because the narratives attached to this were trying to make it about something else. Social media is not good for mental health. I wish for hope and healing. It wasn't really fair to have this up here without the picture of the issue.
"I trust that if I start to fall off the ladder of life again, others will pick me back up and put me back on."
-Sunnyg
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Sunnyg
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Re: Entanglement

Postby Sunnyg » Sat Jan 15, 2022 10:19 pm

My goal for 2022 is to deal with difficult conversations about events that trouble me as close to the time as possible with conversations. An example of a situation I wish I'd had a conversation about was this photo. I wish I hadn't gone on social with my long narrative.


I have mostly quit social media. I believe personal narrative without conversation is destructive. It has too much potential to harm people.
"I trust that if I start to fall off the ladder of life again, others will pick me back up and put me back on."
-Sunnyg
User avatar
Sunnyg
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1210
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:03 pm
Local time: Wed Jan 26, 2022 5:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (12)


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