delusional jealousy in Spouse??

Hello All ,

My husband as recently started accusing me of anal sex with our tenants and neighbors and sometimes says I am having threesomes and more with them. He told me that he has a video of me doing porn with a guy and when he called this mystery man confessed to him it was me and him that made the video together. I asked if I could see this video but for some reason he says I cant however he let me mother see it who said that she did not se anything to the effect he was talking about well i stopped talking to her and said she was on my side and she was taking up for me. I told him I didn't want sex and he just started to go off on me telling me I do not love him and I wish he was dead and I want to move my lover in because I want my lover more than I want him. I told him I think he needs to see a doctor...well why did I do that he said I would rather him in the hospital on meds rather than just tell him the name of my boyfriend or that I am cheating...and trying to deny or show him any proof of what he is saying is not true...… It's useless. He said I should leave him alone and go be with my lover and he gets very aggressive if I do not want to have sex with him. Oh and I have told the doctor what to say so they will be on my side and then he says I should go and have myself checked. We have been married 11years and this has just started back in April after his father died... Advise please...how can I get him to see a doctor?

Hello! You have my heartfelt sympathies for what you are going through. It’s so perplexing. You have done nothing to warrant his suspicions and accusations. Whatever you do, don’t ever take a lie detector test, or go to a mental health evaluation yourself. None of that will prove to your husband that you aren’t cheating on him.
I’m husband has had the same behavior. At times it has been bad and at times it has gone away. He also had other odd beliefs: that his ex-wife was alive and following him (she died in 2006). After he went through chemo, his thought processes really took a hit. I don’t know if it was the stress of the cancer and chemo or the depression due to his changed condition or the chemo itself, but it got pretty bad.
He started taking testosterone shots due to ED and this caused his jealousy and accusations to really escalate. Every time I left the house for an errand, to get my hair done or have lunch with my girlfriends, he thought I was meeting this guy and having sex with him. Life got pretty bad. Eventually we realized the T shots were a huge problem. After he stopped them his delusional behavior lessened dramatically. I don’t think it’s gone away completely.
Is your husband on any medication that could be causing this? Keep trying to trouble shoot this!

Aggie78 wrote:Whatever you do, don’t ever take a lie detector test,

Oh, HELL to the no! Those things are very fail-able. Been there, done that, for pre-employment. Swore I'd never take another one again unless my life depended upon it. If you're prone to anxiety, or like me, OCD- you may as well hang passing one of those things up, 'cause it ain't happening. At least, that's my beliefs on it. I was a solid bundle of nerves the moment they strapped me into everything; and despite having a stellar interview beforehand, I didn't get the job. I know it was that damn test, because I was second guessing everything they asked.

Thanks everyone for your replies. So he told that he does not want to be around me. So I slept in the other bedroom and that seemed to cause an episode. So he said he wants to split up because he has everything I say to my lover on tape he has recording devices in the house. So am trying to find a job so I can get an apartment. Am really sad I just burst into tears. its emotionally draining and I really want to have hope he will see the truth.He says he wants me gone he is so mean to. It really hurts.

Hugs, if wanted! So sorry you're having to deal with this. If you can't get him to help himself, not sure what else you can do.

Sallysea I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I have been there. But you have done nothing to cause this. His brain is not functioning correctly. It’s heartbreaking to see someone in this state. Getting some distance could be very beneficial for you. Best Wishes.

Hello Everyone thought I would post and see if anyone has experienced this. My husband seems to be back to his old self. I told him I was leaving but it has been a good few days and I so want to believe he is back. Not sure what to do its almost our Anniversary. Is he really back to his old self or is this just a phase?

I personally wouldn't believe anyone was back from that without some serious professional help of some sort- but glad to hear that he's backed off some. Your statement on leaving might have got his attention- I just hope it lasts... but if he's truly delusional, I'm not holding my breath.

Sallysea, the few times I started packing things up (and when I moved all my clothes out of our closet into the spare room) my husband stopped making the accusations that I was having an affair, etc. I believed he still had the same thoughts, but he didn’t want me to leave. Even now, when his behavior has de-escalated (stopping testosterone shots helped immensely) I believe he persists in those aberrant thoughts. He just doesn’t talk about them.
You can expect this to wax and wane but not to go away. I would continue to gently encourage him to get an evaluation and help.

Hey everyone! Just an update, I think Snaga was right..his old self only lasted a few days. He says nothing is wrong with him and that I am cold and not person he thought I was. He is back to saying his strange delusions again. Hard place to be in. But I think it would be best to be apart so he can get some clarity.