How can i talk to my parents about my erotomania?

I've been dealing with erotomania since I was 8, but never knew why I felt and thought this way, until this year when I learned about erotomania, I finally understood why I was this way.

Now, I've never acted on my false beliefs, never stalked anybody or try to reach to the person I'm obsessed with at the moment. But I always end up suffering a lot because of it, I cannot help but think they are watching me, judging me, I feel so vulnerable and ashamed, there's no escape for me, it got to the point of me making a plan on how I was gonna kill myself and when, in order to make this all stop.

I need help, I kept this a secret, nobody knows about this. I've thinking about reaching out to my mother, but what if she doesn't react well, I still have to live with her (I'm a teenager).
How can I tell her??? I'm not ready to tell my father yet, he's scary (to talk to about this stuff or any where you have a different opinion to his).

(My parents are caring, I'm just terrified things will go wrong, example: they don't understand and freak out.)

(I forgot to add something about my intrusive thoughts, religious intrusive thoughts, they are horrible, debilitating and make everything ×10 times worse)

Thanks in advance to anybody who cares to answer.

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

Please check your PM inbox.

Now then, I have approved this for delusional disorder, as you placed it- but I was interested by this:

Hiddenrubbishi wrote:(I forgot to add something about my intrusive thoughts, religious intrusive thoughts, they are horrible, debilitating and make everything ×10 times worse)

That sounds rather Obsessive-Compulsive. Not diagnosing you- I can't do that, but as the OCD moderator (and a person with OCD) that... smells like OCD.

First off I don't think you really want to, but if you seriously feel as if you'll hurt yourself, tell your parents immediately- get help!

That out of the way, when you say you get erotomania- you seem pretty aware of it. How long does it remain aimed at one person?

There's a fine line between OCD and delusional thoughts, sometimes- a blurry, fine line. That's sometimes crossed, just a little- I've nearly done it more than once. I'm just wanting a feel for if this is really erotomania, or OCD gone wild.

As far as the religious thoughts, that is a... common OCD theme. Fears of things like The Unforgivable Sin and going to Hell, etc. I've.. been there, done that when I was a preteen. Add to that harm-related OCD intrusive thoughts (of doing bad things to others, which I still get, some decades later), and I often thought, as a child, that I was on the cusp of demonic possession, or something. I remember... many evenings of being calm on the outside, my mother none-the-wiser, while inside I felt as if I were going insane, worrying myself to death that I was going to do something horrible to myself, or others, or do something that automatically and irrevocably doomed me to Hell (when in truth, if anything sends me there, it's likely to be my potty-mouth, meh).

You're not alone.

Also... I would... think about telling my parents I was struggling, and ask if you could possibly see someone.

If that's too hard to do, perhaps asking someone at school? A school counselor, perhaps? I wish I'd had help, when I was young- I might have been spared a lot of unnecessary angst and self-torture.

I didn't realize it sounded that similar to OCD, it never even crossed my mind.
If i tell a teacher, they will absolutely tell my mother (she works with them, not as a teacher though), it's better if I tell her myself.
These days I been thinking really hard how will the conversation go, if I should just say I need to see a professional because I could really harm myself or should I say the whole true, including the possible erotomania.

Tbh, I really don't want to die, I have the things and time to do it, but it's hard giving up now, I'm too deep into life to quit now. Also the idea of an afterlife terrifies me to no end.

When i'm out of it i can tell pretty easily reality from my thoughts, but once it started again, it gets really blurry, I try to remain logical to not embarrass myself. I know it got bad when I can't lay on my stomach because I'm scared somebody will appear and touch me.

About the lengths of the obsession, they usually last around a year, I go from enjoying, to obsessed, to avoiding, before finally coming out the other end.

I did know intrusive thoughts are common with OCD, and I do fear that my thoughts turn out to be unforgivable, that's the main reason why I wanna disappear.

Tysm for answering.

I'm glad to see you don't really want to die- I didn't think you did. That is... a very commonly voiced thing in the OCD forum. When anxiety spikes. I think we just want to run from our anxiety, because I don't know of anyone from the OCD forum that's made a serious attempt.

I include myself in that- I'm not being flippant about pwOCD, I'm no different. It's a rare week I don't think about suicide at least once, in connection with anxiety. I..... don't worry about it too much, if I was really going to I'd have done it a long time ago, and I'm not young and have had OCD a really long time.

Yes there are a lot of OCD feels to this thread, and I think if you could manage to see a professional that would be really good. I know like, the laying on your stomach thing, sometimes pwOCD can have some pretty strange beliefs that border on magical thinking. 'If I think these thoughts something bad will happen to my family', or 'if I don't get rid of these things that give me pleasure (often personal items) then this will happen.

For me, often I would have to go to work using the 'right' route, and listen to the 'right' music, in the hopes that it would make the shift go well. Or I'd have to pray, and pray certain things in a certain order, and be very specific- almost like an ersatz rosary.

If you lay on your stomach, someone will appear and touch you? Sure why not, I can dig it. We can... create some very interesting scenarios in our head, when we let it run away with us.

I'm not saying it's OCD- it might be something delusional- all I know, is that I feel as if I've gotten really, really close to delusion.

It used to be said, that pwOCD always know their beliefs/obsessions, are irrational, and they do not actually get delusional. That thinking has.. been modified, to sometimes a person with OCD can get yeah a wee bit delusional- while still only having OCD. From what I've read, anyway.

For an anxiety disorder, OCD sure does love to flirt with psychotic disorder symptoms, that's for sure. I have extended family history of some nice little psychotic disorders, so... yeah sometimes I distractedly wonder if I'm going to go off the rails- but I haven't yet. And neither have you- you understand these obsessions for people are just that, and acc'd to you, you don't act on them.

I used to be easily infatuated (still am, a little, but tempered by age), and I have OCD. When I would fall 'in love', I mean, really in love- I would be... more than a little crazy in the head. Not like bad stalky or anything but I mean I remember having some really strong obsessions and I would be happy one moment and cry the other.

Yes by all means I really think you should see a professional- it seems to me that besides/instead of erotomania, this could be explained by one or more other things. I mean there's OCD elements to your story, there's even maybe some Borderline elements. I... have traits from a little of this and a little of that, and you don't seem so much a stranger to some of the places my own brain has gone.

I'll keep this thread in mind when I eventually go see a professional.
I really appreciate that you took time of your life to care and answer my post. At first I was just gonna vent, wasn't expecting anyone to look into it. It's nice feeling valid and like somebody cares every now and then.

Well I'm glad I was able to help a little!