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Vent--delusional partner

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Vent--delusional partner

Postby unfortunatekitten » Thu Aug 20, 2020 5:20 pm

First off, let me say that I have suffered from manic and psychotic episodes in the past and I believe that my partner's current delusions were caused by trauma from my psychotic break three months ago. My psychosis originated from traumatic childhood memories and research into ritual abuse. During this break, I believed that I was being manipulated by a universal cult and that my partner was literally God and that they would kill me if I didn't design a better universe for them. That episode ending with me trashing my entire apartment, breaking a window and hurling household objects outside, screaming incessantly, and finally physically hurting my partner when they tried to stop me. My court date for that incident is tomorrow; I am transgender so I am expecting to be confined to solitary without hormones for close to my maximum sentence (3 years). My only hope is my partner's testimony since they witnessed my delusions and they don't blame me for the incident at all as I am normally very peaceful and kind.

However, after I was released from the mental health facility, my partner began to echo elements of my delusions. They told me that they had broken their own mental programming and that they understood everything. They believe that they are being constantly stalked by a mysterious "they" that includes their actually-loving mother but doesn't involve a cult (I've insisted that the cult isn't real). They believe that colors and words and numbers are all used as a kind of code which can be used to manipulate people psychologically or to communicate with them convertly, and since then they've mostly communicated with me in code that they refuse to explain, which makes it difficult to even understand the nature of their delusions. They think that we're in grave danger and that they have to change and control me to protect me.

Since then, my partner has admitted to repeatedly attempting to brainwash me "for my own good", which they are ashamed of but can't stop doing. In conversations, they often ignore me completely and ask me questions repeatedly even after I've answered them. In the last week they've started randomly moving objects around the house, including my personal items: so far I've lost my toothbrush (3 times), my makeup (twice), my guitar picks, my only pair of shoes I can use for walking, my inhaler, and my food stamp card. The inhaler, food stamp card, and shoes are still missing; I can't go outside without my shoes and my partner keeps asking me to anyway because I "need to get out" (luckily I do have a pair of heels I can wear to court). He's also scribbled messages on my checks (e.g. "Give me all your $#%^" or my name over and over). He has also damaged other household objects, including a handbag, his own clothes, and a now-destroyed houseplant that my partner was really fond of (he named it "Franky"). He fills bags with small objects and hands them to me telling me that they're his "rights" and that he's the one going to jail, not me. We're packing (because jail) but all my partner has done is to stuff hundreds of objects into cupboards and claim that they're packed.

On that note, my partner has also been committing minor criminal acts. They claim to have stolen from work (I think they took cash?) and last night they came home with three torn-down COVID-19 signs. They keep stuffing their pockets, bags, and once their boot with random small objects that he says he stole from me, even though half the "stolen" objects are usually his. The night before that he broke his dad's window for no discernable reason. That night was particularly strenuous: my partner hurt me physically and attempted to terrify me psychologically (it worked). He also spilled hot wax all over me, the floor, the counter, and my laptop while I begged him to stop, then refused to clean the mess afterwards. Then he tried to eat the ruined candles. I can't even get into all the mind games he played with me that night because it was so convoluted and the conversation was so confusing that I can't even remember exactly what happened; I just know that the constant verbal and physical pressures ended with me crying and hyperventilating and begging for him to stop torturing me. He didn't really seem to care except when I started screaming and fainted. The only part of our verbal exchange that I remember was when he was talking to a non-existent bus driver off to my left while still interacting with me physically as if I WAS the bus driver, even though he wouldn't look at me and shushed me every time I tried to speak claiming that he was explaining everything. That part of the conversation lasted for more than half an hour with him repeatedly giving me his bus fare and then taking it away again.

I feel hopeless and there's no one to comfort me. My partner will sometimes get angry with me when I try to touch them, and they usually seem to do so when I'm feeling upset; thankfully when they're less delusional they still hug and cuddle me like they used to do. They also refuse to even lie down in the same bed as me because it "doesn't feel right", but there's really nowhere else to sleep so now they no longer do. So, every time I sleep and wake up, my partner has had 8-ish hours to run amok without me and I wake to find more of my things missing. My partner may go to jail if they keep this up, and I have literally no friends or family so if they can't take care of my things while I'm gone or give me a place to stay when I get out myself then I'll be leaving jail clothesless (aside from whatever I'm wearing when they take me), homeless, and without a job or my cats or access to medical care. Even if they do take care of my things, when I get out I may only be returning to them for more psychological torture.

Thank you to anyone who read everything; I just needed to vent. I am devastated. My partner was nothing but perfect for me until this happened and I've loved them more than I've ever loved anyone else in my life, but now I feel that I've lost them in addition to everything else in my life, and that makes me want to die. I can't take this anymore; I'm just too emotionally fragile and broken to handle this. Thank you for listening.
unfortunatekitten
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Re: Vent--delusional partner

Postby unfortunatekitten » Fri Aug 21, 2020 1:32 pm

My partner got arrested last night. All my worst fears have come true; they're in as much legal trouble as I am now. I don't understand why this is happening to me.

I'm going to court; there's like a 5% chance I won't be sent to prison and a 95% chance that I won't be around to respond to this post for a year or three. Thank you for listening, everyone.
unfortunatekitten
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