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Newly engage - he has delusion jealousy.

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Newly engage - he has delusion jealousy.

Postby Ladywytch » Fri Jun 07, 2019 7:53 am

We’ve been engaged for only 6 months.
I adore him and will never leave him despite his problems.
His jealousy stems from an ex who cheated on him while he was away with work.
I also lost an ex to cheating so although I am not the type of person who would cheat, I know how it feels and could never put another person through that especially one I love.
Because of his job, FIFO, it is difficult to schedule psychologist/counselling appointments.
He’s aware of his problem which is wonderful but he still accuses when he’s away.
I’m trying to pack up my house and living at my mum's, more to rest his mind but as I don’t drive the commute gets me here late, so not much is getting done. My son offered to stay with me but something happened today that he didn’t. Now I’m getting ‘the treatment’.
I’m tired of being accused of doing stuff I’m not and not getting much packing done because I’m stressed and upset.
I hope someone here can give me some idea of hope that this can be controlled, he wants to get help. And please some insight as to how you handle this disorder.
Let me reinterate, I’m not leaving him.
Our life is perfect other than this and our love is strong.
It’s when he’s away that it mainly happens. Other than giving up his job or finding a site where I can move to, I don’t know how else to reassure him.
Any help would be wonderful.
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Re: Newly engage - he has delusion jealousy.

Postby JohnMarr » Tue Jun 11, 2019 12:03 am

Hi there.

I have been where you are, I was in love with someone who suffers from the same, but over the years I have become so drained of it all. Right This very second I am getting abusive texts from her, claiming she has proof that a message I received on Whatsap is not from my friend but from his wife, and that I am in cahoots with her. This is just one of a long list of 'secret' girlfriends (and boyfriends, even though I'm straight) I've had affairs with.

I've had enough, I now cannot get out of this nightmare quick enough, it is horrific it never stops. Screaming arguments are 0100 AM, I can't move, I need to get out of this.
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Re: Newly engage - he has delusion jealousy.

Postby Alexicon » Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:07 pm

Hi Ladywytch,

Are you saying that you aren't living with him yet? If that's the case, then when you move in with him, it's going to get 1000 times worse. Don't think because he sees your honest behavior 24/7 that the suspicions will suddenly go away. Living together will just give the disease more fodder to pick apart.

I'm wondering if his ex even cheated on him at all.

He's giving you "the treatment" because of something you didn't do. He's trying to control your behavior. No, he can't help being suspicious. But, yes, he can control his reaction. He's punishing you for something you didn't do. To give someone "the treatment" is still emotional abuse. Would you marry a guy who slaps you around? Probably not? So why would you marry a guy who's emotionally abusive?

Do NOT set a date until you completed a year of counseling together as an engaged couple. You mentioned that it is "difficult to schedule" appointments. Well, if the relationship means enough to him, then he will find a way to make the damned appointments.

This is not a good foundation for a solid marriage. Think with your head now and not with your heart (or limerence hormones). All the signs are right there. If you "won't leave him", then at least don't live with him.
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