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Am I Delusional??

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Am I Delusional??

Postby Wither » Sun May 26, 2019 3:37 am

I just spoke with my eldest daughter on the phone. She is a nurse that works on the psych-med-surg ward at a top hospital. She plans on becoming a psychiatric nurse practioner. I told her that I was speaking with a lawyer about what happened to me during a recent ER visit. This is unlike me, but it bothered me so I had to speak with a lawyer.
I had a night where I got drunk. My husband thought my heart had stopped and he called an ambulance. I sobered up in an ER ward. Still being under the influence, I was very nasty to the nurse. I said some awful things to her. I knew I hurt her terribly. (This is also unlike me) I wasn’t physically aggressive. I didn’t try to hurt anyone or myself. I wasn’t wandering around, stumbling. I did ask to go to the bathroom quite a bit. They had to get someone to escort me. I would wait until someone was there that could help me. Otherwise, I waited in my bed. And eventually I sobered up enough to keep control of my nasty mouth. I did find out the ‘nurse’ wasn’t a nurse at all. I could tell she was angry with me, probably tired and hurt by the things I had said.
After awhile, they came in my room and made me get into an enclosure bed. Basically it looked like a baby playpen with mesh sides and top. I couldn’t even stretch out in it. It was awful and I wanted to get out of the thing. It was all I could think about. I finally found a zipper beneath the floor of this playpen. I forced my finger through it and unzipped it and slithered out of the playpen. I got back into my normal bed and waited. When the ‘nurse’ came back into the room, she was surprised and nastily called me an escape artist. She didn’t try to restrain me after that. Eventually I was released and went home. I told my daughter all about this. She said she didn’t understand why this would be so traumatic to me. With my history, I would think she would understand, but she didn’t. She just couldn’t understand. And I don’t understand that...except that she is young and can’t fully comprehend what has happened in my life.
It’s been a year since all this happened. A lot has happened. I’ve been on a crusade to get off all unnecessary meds, especially the opiates (for cancer) and benzos (for GAD & PTSD). Then the memory of this came to me and I decided to speak to a lawyer about it. I mentioned it to my daughter tonight. She told me that she is scared for me because of this. She said she thinks I’m delusional. Now I’m beginning to question myself. Maybe I am delusional. But I think to myself,’I seem to be getting better. I’m not depressed. I’m getting out more. I’m more and more active. Sure, it’s taking some time but I’m doing it.’ So how am I delusional?
Part of me thinks that for most of my life (I’m 55 right now) I’ve had several traumatic events, and I’ve never done anything about it. Now I feel that I have to speak up. To say hey, something wrong happened here. It’s not the money. It’s the principle of it. But now my daughter has me doubting myself. Am I being delusional? If I am, then I need to watch myself. If I’m not, why does my daughter think this? No matter what, what do I do under either circumstance? I am at a loss. I don’t know what to think.
So I’d appreciate any feedback from others. Ideally I should be able to figure this out by myself, but obviously I’m ill equipped for that. At least for the moment. So what do you think about this situation.
Am I delusional? Is there something wrong with the way I’m thinking?
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Re: Am I Delusional??

Postby phindel » Mon Jun 03, 2019 9:21 pm

I am not sure I understand what you mean about being delusional or not. Do you mean maybe you never went to the hospital and none of this happened? Or maybe it wasn't so terrible? I don't think we can answer that for you.

But it is clear that you are struggling with this. I think maybe more important than contacting a lawyer (at least as a first step) would be to try to work through the trauma of the situation or to get a mental health assessment of some sort. Maybe you are traumatized or maybe you are delusional, but medical help could best solve either of those problems.

When you are focused on one traumatic event that sticks with you for a long time, then maybe it is necessary to get outside help in order to heal. Sometimes a little help can make everything become clearer.

Try not to let an event from your past ruin your present either. I know it's upsetting but don't forget to enjoy the things you can in life even if it is something small like your favorite TV series, a cup of tea, a walk in the park, etc. I understand you have to set aside some time to deal with difficult things, but it seems like you are not in the specific situation anymore and you have your daughter to provide a fresh perspective so that's a good thing.

How are you doing now?
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