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My friend is always blaming me when something goes wrong

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My friend is always blaming me when something goes wrong

Postby Soconfussed » Sun May 19, 2019 5:15 am

Firstly if this is in the wrong section please remove it too the correct one.
Ok so where do I begin? A good friend of mine, who I speak to on a daily basis is always and I mean always blaming me when something goes wrong. He’s consistently points the finger at me when something happens to him. So far he’s blamed me for his cable account being hacked a few times and has on a few occasions blamed me for his credit cards being hacked. Oh when he buys something online and an hour later he’ll text me and blame me for his account or credit cards were being hacked. I’ve tried telling him I had nothing to do with any of it. It’s coming to the point where I’m about to call off this 15 yr friendship it’s almost as if he wants me to admit to something I didn’t do. Am about to just say yup I did those things so he could hear what he wants. But why should I take the blame for something I didn’t do? I’m at me wits end here. What do I do? Do I just end this long friendship or just admit to things I didn’t do? Please help.
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Re: My friend is always blaming me when something goes wrong

Postby Soconfussed » Sun May 19, 2019 7:29 pm

No one?
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Re: My friend is always blaming me when something goes wrong

Postby JohnMarr » Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:49 pm

Why are you still hanging out with this 'friend' how long before he gets the police involved, because he thinks you've hacked his credit cards, move on.
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Re: My friend is always blaming me when something goes wrong

Postby Alexicon » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:44 pm

Hi soconfused. I'm sorry you didn't receive a timely reply. This forum is not as active as it used to be.

Currently, the conventional advice for this type of situation is:

Do NOT "confess" to something you didn't do. Don't reinforce the delusion. An obsession with the enemy's "confession" is a common theme in some of the stories in this forum. A lot of times, the victim tells the enemy: "I'll forgive the affair/lies/stealing/cheating/whatever IF YOU'LL JUST TELL THE TRUTH". It's tempting to say what they want to hear, in hopes that they will stop talking about it obsessively and compulsively. But it's not likely to work; I think it would just lead to new, bigger, worse accusations.

Do NOT deny the accusation. Even if you're telling the truth, denying the accusation will only make the accuser hold onto the accusation even tighter. Even if you have a perfect alibi or undeniable logic that clearly reveals the truth, it's as if the victim's brain will create new pathways to hide the truth from him or her. The accusation/delusion might morph a little bit at this point, but the disease will still likely identify you to the victim as the "enemy".

Change the topic. This tactic works for family and friends who aren't the "enemy"; I'm not sure if it will work for the person whom the victim's brain has marked as "the enemy". I know it sounds ridiculous, but it works. A relative of mine can talk for hours about all the things her husband has allegedly done to try to ruin her life. A simple question such as "Oh, look at your garden! What kind of flower is that yellow one?" can change the topic--and her mood--completely.

Do you know any of this person's family? I would talk to a parent or sibling and explain to them what's going on. Maybe this has happened in the past, and they'll recognize a pattern. Or...they might believe the victim. If so, this is likely to happen again in the future. Even it you break off all contact with him, the victim's brain will eventually identify a new "enemy". Next time, it might be one of his family members. So if you talk to them, even if they don't believe you now, you've given them the info to recognize a pattern later.

I think you have to end the friendship. But let him know that you'll be there for him if you need him in the future. I'm thinking something like: You keep accusing me of things I didn't do. It hurts me that you think I would do those things. I think that we both need time away from each other. I won't call/text/email/visit anymore. I truly wish you the best.
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Re: My friend is always blaming me when something goes wrong

Postby Soconfussed » Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:42 am

Sorry I haven’t been on much. I tried to change the subject when I’m being accused but depending on his mood it will be brought up again a few minutes later. We get along and have things in common its the constant here it comes I gonna get blamed for whatever happened next again. Sometimes I start to believe I really did do something because that’s what my mind keeps telling me. It’s like if someone said to you at a very young age ice cream will cause you to grow a tail even though you know it’s not true because other people eat it, you just can’t get yourself to try it. That’s what I go through when I’m being accused not the tail thing the thing about me being accused of hacking his account/s:
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