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My husbands delusions make me the bad guy and I need advice

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My husbands delusions make me the bad guy and I need advice

Postby Jeanjacket » Wed Apr 03, 2019 10:23 pm

Hi there. So I’m recently married and I believe my husband is suffering from a form of delusional personality disorder. He’s yet to be officially diagnosed but the signs are there and he is going to see a doctor. I never even thought this was a thing and I always assumed his trust issues with me would eventually go away. But they haven’t. I should’ve seen the signs. I mean, I did, but I never thought it would get this serious. Long story short, my husband is convinced numerous friends of his are trying to inform him that I have a shady past or there are things I have done that I don’t want him to know about. This is 100% not true. I’ve lived a life I’m pretty proud of and there’s absolutely nothing I’ve ever done that I wouldn’t want him knowing. These friends of his though, have never actually said to him “Hey man, listen, [insert my name here] has done some shady $#%^ and as your friend I am going to tell you these things”. It’s always his friend speaking in “code” trying to tell him something. Just the other night his friend mentioned turning a new HVAC system that was just installed in to a tin man costume for Halloween. My husband literally just started a HVAC career so the comment wasnt completely off the wall. I obviously laughed at the comment by my husband took it as his friend trying to tell him I had been talking to some musician whose stage name happens to be The Tin Man. He was convinced of this. A bunch of other instances like this have occurred and the advice I need is how am I supposed to cope with this? I’ve read so many articles that tell me how to talk to him but how am I supposed to emotionally handle this?? I am the target of his delusions and it makes me so mad and so angry and sad and I get so mad at him for accusing me. I feel just disrespected. But everything I’ve read tells me I need to basically relax. But how can I? I’m so mad at him I don’t even want to see him right now. I’m so proud he’s actually opening up to this possibility that this $#%^ may be made up in his head and that he is going to get medica help but in the meantime I just want to crawl under a rock. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks.
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Re: My husbands delusions make me the bad guy and I need advice

Postby Nmkim » Tue Apr 09, 2019 1:24 am

Hi! I don’t have any answers. This whole delusional disorder thing has just landed in my life too. How do we cope while feeling like our marriages just exploded? Your husband is convinced that his interpretation of things people say and do is correct. His brain is playing tricks on him. You are suffering.
I wish I knew what to do. My husband refuses to believe his exwife is dead, even though I showed him the obituary from 2006. He still believes she is stalking him with her boyfriend who is a state cop. Yes, she came back to life just to torture him. He doesn’t believe the obituaries are real.
All we can do is try to get the man we love some help. I told my husband I think his brain is playing tricks on him, and that he needs to get it checked out. I don’t know what else to do
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Re: My husbands delusions make me the bad guy and I need advice

Postby Nmkim » Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:53 am

Hi, from someone in the same boat. I’m sorry I laughed at the Tin Man story. I can so relate. The most innocent of statements and actions are perceived as either an insult or a betrayal. So how the heck do we cope??? Laugh, cry? Hope it doesn’t get worse? Be grateful for the times the delusions aren’t bad or aren’t present?
Right now I’m planning my eventual escape. I am working on paying off the house. Yes, I will gladly leave it all in his name and just vanish with my 401k and my social security. I’m 62. I’ve endured this for 25 years but it’s getting worse. He now believes his exwife is driving a FEDEX truck in our area, and is stalking him. However, she died in 2006. I showed him the obituary and he doesn’t believe it. Thinks it’s faked. What the heck do I do with that? I gave him the phone number to the mental health clinic with our insurance. I talked to him about Delusional Disorder and that his brain is playing tricks on him. I can see he doesn’t believe what I’m telling him.
So escape is the answer for me.
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Re: My husbands delusions make me the bad guy and I need advice

Postby badrollercoaster » Tue Apr 30, 2019 4:25 pm

Be thankful he may be willing to get some help. And do your best to try to encourage that without pushing so hard that he changes his mind. My wife refuses to get help and doesn't think she has a problem. It's such an awful thing to have to put up with. And nothing seems to work. If I deny the delusions it sets her off. If I just give in and admit to something I haven't actually done, it sets off a whole different tirade. Without professional help, it seems there just is no answer.
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Re: My husbands delusions make me the bad guy and I need advice

Postby Elle123 » Thu May 02, 2019 12:18 am

Hi. I can unfortunately relate. My partner of several years had an episode just about a month ago and it’s been hell. I’m glad your husband is willing to seek help as that seems to be the main hurdle with this diagnosis. My partner’s symptoms started about two months ago, from fleeting persecutory type beliefs into full blown accusation inferring incestuous relations with a family member of mine. Just weeks later he moved two thousand miles away closer to his family (because of how infuriated he was) and has refused to talk to me on the phone for the past month. We’ve texted but his derogatory and insanely painful messages have been quite distressing. I know it’s the mental illness though and have stopped taking them personally but it sure does hurt knowing they’re not well. I started seeing a therapist right away (within the week of his episode as I knew what was happening after the shock faded) and I suggest you seek professional help as well to help you navigate through this. Mine has been instrumental in helping me cope and educated me on how to best approach him if communication was unavoidable (I.e focusing on his emotion and not the belief, avoiding confirming or denying the belief, etc). I sincerely hope all will be ok as can be (for you both) given the circumstances. I’ve been trying to get my partners family to recognize the urgency in getting him to see a mental health provider ASAP but to my dismay nothing has yet happened. I know it’s only been a month since his full blown episode but can’t but feel demoralized in thinking I may have lost someone I deeply loved and cared about and I couldn’t do anything to help him.
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