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Need help with DD wife. What happens to the kids?

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Need help with DD wife. What happens to the kids?

Postby VeryConcernedHusband » Sun Dec 16, 2018 4:33 am

I am new here, I read many posts in this forum, and found a ton of useful information. My wife of 18 years is delusional, and our story is no different to many I read here. It has been 3 years since the first episode, when she was sure there were cameras at home looking at everything she did, and I was with our neighbors watching her (This happened after watching the Truman Show...) Everyone in the streets mock her and talked about her. These things went on during all this time, she never accepted that she is ill, no matter how much evidence I show her. About a year ago, she started focusing her delusions on me. She accuses me of lying pretty much every time I open my mouth, the members of my whole family are pathological liars. I mock her and copy all her gestures to the point that she starts crying when she is with me. I hide things to make her crazy, and I conspire with other people to steal from her. She also thinks that I have another woman, and sometimes that I have a male lover as well. I could go on and on, but I don't want to make this too long. Seeing that she is not willing to get help, I am thinking of divorce before I start getting sick.

Reading the posts here, I didn't find any case in which the ill spouse gets good treatment, takes his/her medicine, and the marriage goes on without interruption and live together happily for a long time. It seems that divorce is the only way out. At this point I am totally convinced that our marriage is over. What I don't read much is about what is the effect of this problem on the kids. We have 14 and 16 year old boys. Their mother has been good to them, and although they are aware of her problems, and many times they witness her treatment to me, they are not too upset. Whenever she talks unreasonable things to them, they just laugh it out or ignore her, and she doesn't seem to mind. My main worry is that, once we divorce and I am out of the picture, would she start focusing her delusions on them? Has anyone experienced that situation. I am very worried about something like it happening. At the end of the day the most important is the well being of the kids.
I'll appreciate any comment, suggestion or ideas about this.
Thanks for reading
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Re: Need help with DD wife. What happens to the kids?

Postby Sunnyg » Sun Dec 23, 2018 4:10 pm

Hi VeryConcernedHusband,
Undone has gotten care,and is married. I divorced because my ex stigmatized mental illness and didn't love me through it all.

As for those of us who live with treatment in recovery, there are some of us on this site. The most important factor is insight, and accepting care. It is possible to recover. Many who recover move on with life and may not need this site when they take their medication and move on.

For me, my emotional response to my experience has been slow to heal. My mental health is solid. My story just makes me sad.

As for the kids, if she hasn't shown any symptoms towards them, it probably isn't an issue. As long as she is in care and addressing her mental health, she has rights as a mother. The one good thing about my ex, he used my love of my daughter to force me into care. Read "I'm not sick and I don't need help". You can find it on Amazon, and sign up for a NAMI family to family course to get an in person support network to help you make these touch choices, and to hopefully get your wife the care she needs.

Wishing you the best,

"I trust that if I start to fall off the ladder of life again, others will pick me back up and put me back on."
-Sunny Mera
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Re: Need help with DD wife. What happens to the kids?

Postby herculeanhercules » Tue Dec 25, 2018 8:13 pm

Without treatment, my ex got worse. Her delusions grew. It was initially just me, but after a few years, it was everyone she had contact with. That included our kids, her family, her friends, and even my friends. Eventually, she thought everything arounded her was fake, like The Truman Show.

She thought she was in a sound stage somewhere in China. Her surroundings were green-screened and the people were actors. Everything on her computer and phone were fed to her.

She would examine our kids' faces regularly, and say they're not our kids, and ask me when she'll get to see our "real kids."

It's tough. You have to use whatever leverage you have to get her into treatment. Even then, it's a challenge to get her to stick with it.
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