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Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

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Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby Jemma » Wed Mar 21, 2018 5:28 pm

I suspect my boyfriend has delusional disorder. The doctors havent confirmed it yet because he doesnt agree to go for treatment. But they are going in the direction of paranoid psychosis . Which is just another name for DD as far as i know .

There are a lot of co incidences happening that are confirming his delusions . His delusion is that I along with his friends are family are talking behind his back and giving him hints about it to mess with his head . None of us talk to each other.

The co incidences usually go like this . We have a conversation and a few days later or sometimes later whenever he talks to his friends they say a word or something similar to what we have spoken about. Sometimes he knows that he could be just over thinking but still doesnt fail to accuse me of lying to him.

He also thinks God is talking to him and going out of his way to be a part for my boyfriends life . He also thinks that when he is high with consumption of weed he becomes more spiritually receptive . He asks god a question and the next word he sees or picture he looks at or something he hears is the answer .

Talking about the co incidences with friends. An example of it when he told about his chat with God . He gave me a reference of his friend Gordon because it sounds like God . Later when he met his friend and spoke to him about God and his chat that friend took Gordons name. Gordon is a mutual friend of both my bf and his friend. They talk about him quite frequently . Now he thinks i told his friend all about what i spoke to my bf and he took gordons name to mess with his head . And many such incidences. I did not talk to any of his friends . Im not friends with any of them . He keeps accusing me of talking to them . He also accused me of having an affair with them .

I cant take all this anymore. These coincidences or his over consciousness because of his disorder are giving his thoughts more and more validity . How do i prove my innocence like this . I'm not even sure if what he says they said is actually what they said. What do I do ? They are making my life hell .

Did any of you face something like this ? Or know some way you'll can help me ? How to convince him ?

I'm trying to arrange a polygraph test but its very difficult to find one where i live . And I'm just 19 so i cant travel far away for it neither do i have the required amount. And i dont want to involve my parents . I need help to deal with this .
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Re: Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby badrollercoaster » Tue Apr 03, 2018 2:12 am

The short answer for me is yes. My wife also has a major problem with coincidences, but they don't result in her blaming me for something. It results in her thinking she has "proof" that the other people in this town and at her work are plotting against her. Her delusion is that she thinks that these people wanted her to leave me for other single men that they know. And when she didn't leave me, they decided that to make their "man friends" feel better about themselves, they had to make her look really bad and break her down. So every coincidence that happens is proof to her that they are doing this to her. The problem for me is that they thought to fix her up with their friends because they found out that I was such an awful husband, and if I hadn't been so bad, they never would have thought to fix her up with their friends. So in the end, it's all my fault, but I'm not blamed directly for each of these coincidences. I was not a bad husband, not that I was perfect. So I end up apologizing for things from the past that I did not do. That seems to diffuse the situation, and prevent a nasty argument.

I'm not sure what to tell you about your situation. He's specifically blaming you directly for these coincidences. I will tell you that simply saying "I didn't do it" probably will never work. I'm really grasping at straws for a suggestion, but how about this...... With this friend Gordon, there are sort of 2 parts to it. 1-that his friend new about his chat with God and 2-that you were the one to tell him. Is it possible to deflect this, sort of, and just say something like - "I have no idea how your friend found out. I didn't tell him, but somebody must have. Are you sure you didn't talk about this with anybody else? Or did someone over hear something?" You may have to defend yourself and prove that you couldn't have said anything. Like maybe you've been so busy that you haven't even had time to call your mother etc. I guess what I'm getting at is I think you might have more luck arguing how the coincidence happened as opposed to trying to convince him that nothing really happened.

I have had absolutely no success trying to convince my wife that these coincidences are nothing. Absolutely no luck at all. So here's a recent example. She went for a 30 minute jog yesterday. While out jogging one of "them" passed by on a motorcycle. She was convinced that this was intentional and they knew she was going out for a jog and they are checking on her and plotting the next thing they're going to do to her. What I can't say is "gosh I'm sure it's just a coinicidence. Why would they be out checking on you?". Instead what I said was "that's awful. Don't they have better things to do with their time. What is their problem? What kind of nut-case does something like that?"

I'm not sure if that's helpful or not. I wish I had better advice to give.
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Re: Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby Jemma » Tue Apr 03, 2018 6:31 pm

Thank you so much for giving me assurance its not only happening to us .

I know its very sad of me to say this . But your'e in a better position than me I guess . You can stay next to the person you love and give her assurance that its going to be fine. I am the root cause of all his problems . I want to help him so bad . But I can't because I am the ultimate villan. I wish it was something else. I wish it didnt play with the trust between us. I'd do anything to make him feel better if it was us against the world . But now its him vs me. And that really sucks. I hate it. I hate God for doing this to us. I just got an internship somewhere. Now he thinks thats going to be my new place to talk to people. I dont know how Im going to manage these two months with this internship. I see a million problems coming my way in the next two months . I hope i survive through it.
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Re: Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby badrollercoaster » Wed Apr 04, 2018 1:26 am

It's not necessarily bad of you to say. Maybe my position is a little better. Who knows. At least my wife is not accusing me for coincidences happening today. She blames others for these coincidences, but tells me their actions are my fault :(

Anyway. I'm not really sure I would know what to do if she was accusing me of these things. Truthfully, because of how quick she is to blame others for coincidences, I worry that it's only a matter of time before she starts blaming me. She's losing friends and eventually there will be nobody to blame but me.

If I think of anything I'll let you know. I may have to ask my counselor about this kind of situation just to try to get prepared in case I am in that position. So far my wife does not think she needs any help and unless she does, she'll probably get worse.
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Re: Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby Jemma » Wed Apr 04, 2018 3:43 pm

Thank you

please let me know what your counselor says .

Hope you never have to face what Im facing. I really hope .
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Re: Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby badrollercoaster » Thu Apr 05, 2018 12:39 pm

Well, I talked to my counselor. I mentioned that a lot of people who post here who have loved ones with a delusional disorder talk about how their loved ones direct all their blame and anger towards them. So I asked if this was something that one day my wife might start doing to me - even though she's not doing it yet. And how would I handle something like that as I don't know if I could.

She said the reality is that people with delusional disorders don't typically get better on their own. They need therapy and maybe medication. What's more, without help, they typically get worse, so yes it's possible that one day she may start doing that to me.

She didn't have any magic answers for how to handle it. She basically said that if it happens, I'll have to figure out how much I can handle and when it gets to be too much I'll have to look out for my own health and well being. If that means leaving or divorce then that may be what I have to do.

I wish had better news to give. It's not exactly a very pleasant thing to think about. For now I'll be doing a lot of praying.......
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Re: Are co incidences a part of delusional disorder?

Postby Jemma » Fri Sep 14, 2018 8:44 am

Hello sir ,
I Know its been quite a few months now. We were broken up for a few and have been back since a month or so. These co incidences were a little less but now something similar happened again. I have zero contact with any of the people who tell him the things that we spoke about which is only and only between us . Its not his fault either. Since he only speaks about these things to me and someone else brought up something from that conversation anyone in his place would think the same if they were in his place. But I don't talk to anyone about those thing absolutely no one.
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