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Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

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Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

Postby ravenfeather42 » Sun Mar 11, 2018 9:45 am

Ive had a friend for seven years that i believe has Erotomania to the extreme. I don't want to lose a friend but this is taking its toll on our friendship. I need help in dealing with him. This friend Ill call "Tim" not his real name has this over the top obession with these two girls, one of which has filed a restraining order against him because of his particular delusion. The first one is the most dominant of the two. He believes his soulmate is a girl he was friends with in elementary school until she moved away for sake of explaining ill call her "Jill". He believes shes going to return to him one day, claims hes seen her in public, that she wants him still and going to find him. All he sees is her, Jill has caused him to become depressed before now is doing so again. I hate to sound jealous but its gotten to the point he doesn't even talk or focus on anything else. Shes so great, shes saved him. She visits his dreams at night. How he feels her nearby. The second girl its the same scenario just more downgraded. It feels im like literally nothing to him :( ill never be her not even after all ive done. Jills a saint. He has a lot of supposed psychological problems but i cant take it. Jills not real that i know of. Hes obessed with finding her, so he can make things right.

I lost my temper yesterday. I have OCD plus anxiety however i don't understand what to do. How can i cope with this? At least get him over this? Its been on and off for years. He won't date me because of her not that i want him too. He likes being miserable odviously since he cant get over it. Im tired of seeing him suffering over something so ridiculous. Please help..
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Re: Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

Postby Glitched » Tue Mar 13, 2018 3:54 am

Your friend is certainly dealing with some sort of suppressed realizations about people and the world. In fact this may be less to do with her than the values he's attributed to a time in life or something or maybe better off he just seeks closure. Chemical imbalance is tricky, you try to define or express your emotion and then you look for an explan to yourself later on thinking behind saying doing thinking believing expressing behaving and you can easily come up empty handed. Some born with can have trouble coping. When a person is conflicted these things are very guilty things to have to live down. Your friend may never find closure but he may be able to build his own life maybe with you maybe with someone else but he may need support to get there and maybe in a few years he can look back and laugh at his old problem and laugh.
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Re: Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

Postby Una+ » Tue Mar 13, 2018 1:37 pm

How come you cannot or will not stand up for your own heart's desire? Why not tell him you wish he would stop obsessing about these two fantasy girls and notice the real girl right in front of him, who wants him. That's you, isn't it?

As for the fantasy relationships; typically a fantasy like this is a defense. It helps to keep depression at a distance. If you take the fantasy away, the depression can be overwhelming. He probably needs psychotherapy and maybe also medication.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
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Re: Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

Postby Glitched » Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:46 pm

Yes your friend needs therapy along with someone there for him so it's good he has you but I'd be weary of dating him with these types of delusions because even though these people are a fantasy and they're not real in the sense he thinks they are as if they're his soulmate, you'd still most likely be seen as a fallback for him in his mind he's ready to leave you in a drop of the hat. Although that won't happen or at least very slim to none chance that he should give up on and respect that this person is living their own life he's still clinging to something he probably can't explain to himself let alone make sense to someone else about why he has these feelings wherever they may derive from. It sounds like he needs professional help in a judgement free environment where he won't be frowned upon for having such a delusion stemming from childhood but with someone who understands psychology enough to work through his issue of erotomania. I think if he can give up on this through the help he needs then he may be able to open his eyes enough to understand not only the flaws of his logic but to be open to a new appropriate healthy and honest love for someone like you who clearly cares as an adult. He's far from actual fulfillment for these things he feels he's lacking like finding an actual soulmate and not living in a childlike delusion that for whatever reason he's clung to into such a later stage of life. He needs help to understand the root cause of why he feels that way and why he's attached so many things to a person of make believe. I'm sure it's incredibly hard to understand why he's carried childhood desires into adulthood and something like this I'm sure makes others uneasy especially for the people he people he's placed such importance upon and he needs help.
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Re: Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

Postby ravenfeather42 » Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:41 am

years ago i told him my feelings when i still felt them. He said we weren't compatible among other excuses. Glitched i agree exactly with you on him needing help. He doesn't see that he has an illness so he wont get help. Hes always going to be obessed with people, hes like that. I want him to get help.. because honestly he could be amazing as a boyfriend.

We fight all the time now about it. I told him id rather not talk about it. I just get so frustrated by it. I had a bad break up, it took me three years to grieve but ive decided to move on. I knew it wasnt healthy. In a way that could have been me if i didn't talk to someone about it. Thats why he can never be fulfilled, because eventually he starts talking about Jill this n that until the girls break up with him. Its so frustrating.
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Re: Friends Erotomania..think its ruining our friendship

Postby Glitched » Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:43 am

That sounds odd unless he's just trying to have light hearted conversations about mutual friends. Like is he lusting after them? If so you may have been friend zoned?
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