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My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealthy.

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My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealthy.

Postby sort_of_coping » Wed Feb 20, 2013 11:56 am

Hi there

I posted this on an old thread but I don't think anyone read this. I'm hoping for some support so this is a new try. :( Now I'm here too - trying to make sense of the situation. My husband has DDG.

My husband started drifting away from reality about 2 years ago. I put it down to a mid-life crisis and thought he was having an affair or falling out of love with me as he became more and more introvert each day.

With time, he stopped doing things he enjoyed, he started to avoid people and just spent all his time sitting and smoking. He stopped using the computer, he started to blacken out brand names like Sony on the TV and he switched off all the mobiles in the house, covered up the Webcam on the computer etc. and he told me there were aliens in the woods opposite our house. I just told him to stop being silly and got aggravated by his behaviour but he was adamant and wouldn't stop.

Then in summer last year, he told me that "they" won't leave him alone. That when he goes outside to have a smoke, the number of cars which pass the house increases etc. and more people walk past the door etc. Then he told me that he is a messenger of God. The number of stories linked to this are manifold: he has wings, they come into the bedroom at night and lift him up, that he can change the colour of the sky and clouds, that he will be sitting with the other holy people (whom he can see in the sky) on Judgement Day etc. etc. and everyone knows who he is and they are all scared of him.

He refuses to go to see a doctor. He left us in October to return to his native country and he gave up everything here - his job, his half of the house, he gave me power of attorney for the girls (10 and 6) and went to stay with his brother. His family could not understand why he left us all. I told them that my husband did not want his life here any wanted to return "home". (My husband told me that if I told anyone about his identity, I too would be damned on Judgement Day - it's scarey stuff).
So for 3 months, me and the kids built up a life for ourselves and things were going well. I had both children seeing psychologists and we were doing just fine.

Then he turned up out of the blue at our house on Monday night. The little one is delighted. The bigger one wants him to leave again. He has become even more religious and told us that God is number one in his life and then we come next. He has brought home icons with him and he reads books and books about miracles etc. I told him that if he is going to stay, he needs to want to live with us and he needs a job etc. and can't just sit around at home all day (I'm only a secretary and don't have a major income). But then he informed us that he wants to go to a monastery and that he came home to tell us face to face. The girls know. His brother told me in a private conversation beforehand that my husband was talking about it.

He will not go to see a doctor or a psychologist. He tells me that everyone else needs a doctor and that psychologists are a waste of time. He said he needs his peace, he has no energy to work and won't be with people who are unbelievers.

I just want him to leave, be happy in his little world, so that me and the girls can get on with our lives. We were getting stronger with each day and now we are being infected by his talk of being touched by the Holy Spirit and stuff and it is not healthy for them. They want some of his "magic powers".

Is it so bad to want him to leave? Everytime I ask him a normal question, he answers it with stories about the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary....It's frustrating.
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby tallis » Wed Feb 20, 2013 7:14 pm

I don't think you're "wrong" or "Bad" for wanting him to leave. I think that's normal. It's really hard to be around someone who doesn't share the same reality and doesnt realize there is a problem. You can't be around that and NOT be affected. And when its someone you love(d) and you are around the delusions all the time, it is hard to not let it affect YOUR sanity.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
And that there are children involved.
If he is engulfed in delusions .... YOU need to be the strong one for your girls. And sometimes doing the right thing, sucks. Sometimes it feels anything BUT right. But you know in your heart it is.
Your job is to protect your kids and yourself. (Mentally AND physically) That has to be your priority. If he doesnt think he has a problem, he's not going to change.
Stay strong and true to yourself. (and talking about it DOES help)
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby Sunnyg » Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:05 pm

Hi sort_of_coping and tallis,
Welcome to the dd forum, I hope you both find support here. I was reading your thread sort-of-coping, and I wasn't sure how to respond. You sound like you are struggling with what to do. You are the only one who can determine what is right for you and your girls. I agree with you that you need boundaries. Setting a hard limit that he must contribute to your household income by working is a good start. If he doesn't work, then I agree with you, as with any relationship it has to work for both people. I'm not sure what to say about the fear he is instilling and the magic he holds over you. (I'm sorry you have to deal with this). If you believe he is a threat to himself or to others involve the police immediately. Delusions have a way of slipping out of control into full blown psychosis, and not everyone navigates it well. I'd recommend finding support for you and your kids through NAMI a non-profit here in the United States. (National Alliance on Mental Illness). I wish I had a simple solution for how to help, but my best recommendation is take care of you and your kids, and find support with a group who can relate. NAMI has family to family courses that may open up new support avenues in your community and help you reflect. I know most people feel overwhelmed when this disease first comes. He needs treatment, but not everyone with the illness has insight to trust the people around them who see the illness. There are a ton of stories of people on this site who have struggled with delusional individuals trying to "give" them insight. I don't think it is very well understood why some people develop insight and others do not. But you can set limits. If he doesn't do treatment then he is out of the house. Or if he doesn't work, then he is out of the house. You are in charge, and you can make decisions. If he gets violent or threatening, involve police immediately. Keep a detailed log of problems.
Best,
Sunny
"I trust that if I start to fall off the ladder of life again, others will pick me back up and put me back on."
-Sunny Mera
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby sort_of_coping » Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:48 pm

Dear Sunny G

Thanks for investing your time in replying to me. That means such a lot.

Well, in the meantime he has again returned back to his native country. It is strange for me to be the person who calls the shots but you are right, of course. I have to keep the show on the road - go to work, be there for the kids and keep the house in order.

Before he left, we agreed that we live in different worlds. He said I have changed, I said he had changed. But this time, I couldn't fight for the relationship/marriage and I shrugged my shoulders and thought c'est la vie. So, he is now drifting around in his home country. I told him that he has to stay in touch for the sake of the children. Every time we speak, I say that he should work or see a doctor. And every time he replies "I've done enough work in my life" and "Anyone who says I should see a doctor needs to see a doctor themselves". It feels hopeless.

I am quite upset that my husband is no longer the man I married. I grieved the first time he left but this time I just think that I can't help him if he won't help himself. I think if he turned up on my doorstep again, I would have to get the police involved - you're right. The influence he had on the children was just so unhealthy.

But of course, if you have spent 17 years of your life with someone then you can't stop caring. I wonder what is going to happen when his money runs out. Who knows? He seems to be happy with his friends in the sky and with his mother, the Virgin Mary. I just spoil it for him.

It is a really shocking illness and I wish it hadn't gotten a grip on my husband. :cry:

Thanks Sunny G for your support and I hope reading this helps others. I know that reading other people's experiences here helped me.
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby StephenK » Thu Feb 28, 2013 3:26 am

Hi,

I came across your post. I was interested in what you have written. Particularly, because I have similar instances where I would see more people than on average everyday before the symptoms started. And I would occasionally, but not be serious at the same time by telling my friends that God is speaking to me privately to me with sarcasm. But how I see it, it is much more complicated than though. I would simply cope with by simply telling to myself, what is real or what is not real. If it does not seem rational I would just tolerate it and try to simply ignore without being agitated by it. I have experienced this for quite some time. I could really relate to your husband's problem very well. Perhaps, if I could maybe get in hold of your husband, sorry for invading your husband's private life, but by phone or rather by email if it is more comfortable. I would like to have a word with him. Just sort things out and work things together to just figure out a cure for this.

Bests,
S.K.
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby tapestry86 » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:36 pm

Sorry you have to deal with this behavior. I have gone through something similar to what he has, and I can say that what he believes is very real to him. Depending on his personality, this may be unsafe for you and the children...If he sees something as a threat, when he is already in this constant state of fear and paranoia, he could very easily lash out. The irrational mind is a scary place inside, and to protect himself from things he does not understand, he could do many things he would not otherwise do.
I am not saying that he is going to go around killing people or stereotyping, but he is a grown man and you and the children cannot protect yourselves should a dangerous situation arise. You need to find a way to make yourselves safe from HIM. I am sorry he is not the same person you knew. The most important thing for you to focus on right now, though, is to make sure that you and your children are safe and protected. He seems pretty far gone. I am sorry to hear.
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby Rummicub » Tue Mar 12, 2013 12:16 am

Hi SOC,

I am sorry to hear about this. It sounds like he could be schizophrenic, but with late onset (which is a little unusual). How old is your husband?
If you see him again, I would recommend doing whatever you can to get him evaluated. He may have a physiological issue that can be addressed that would explain his behavior. He likely could otherwise benefit from medications. His hallucinations aren't bizarre, but they are definitely impacting his life and his family's. Perhaps a therapist can meet you at your house?

All the Best,
J
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby sort_of_coping » Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:14 pm

Thanks for your replies above.

It sure is comforting to know that you are out there and know more or less what I am going through.

Well, here is the latest update:

He called me from a phone box on Sunday night and told me that he experienced so much in his time away and is hugely disappointed by people and now he is missing me and the children and he wants to come home. He asked me to get him a flight ticket and of course, I said I would. I mean, I need to give him a second chance, don't I? Probably his money just ran out...I dunno.

He said that he will keep all the things private which he talked about - "who he is" and "what he can do" and that he will get a job and get integrated into family life again. I want to believe him. But I have a really bad feeling that either his brother told him he has to come home (he told my husband the first time) or it was just during a lucid moment.

My older daugther (10) said if he comes, then she's going. I told her that her daddy's going to change. Now I'm wondering if he can or not. I know you're right though...he needs to see a doctor and he needs medication. It is indeed schizophrenic. But he always insists that he doesn't need to see one.

Well, here's to the second chance I'm going to give him....God help me.
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby AWingAndAPrayer » Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:12 pm

Hi

Just checking to see how things are going at your house.

I am new to this board and have been reading posts. I wish I had found something like this board when I was going through this. My estranged husband has persecutory delusions so I know some of what you are feeling. At the time I didn't know anyone else had to deal with such things.

It is so nice to know that you are not alone, though of course I wouldn't wish this on anyone!

Keep us posted.



I

-- Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:12 pm --

Hi

Just checking to see how things are going at your house.

I am new to this board and have been reading posts. I wish I had found something like this board when I was going through this. My estranged husband has persecutory delusions so I know some of what you are feeling. At the time I didn't know anyone else had to deal with such things.

It is so nice to know that you are not alone, though of course I wouldn't wish this on anyone!

Keep us posted.



I
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Re: My husband thinks he's God's messenger and it's unhealth

Postby sort_of_coping » Wed Apr 10, 2013 7:19 am

Back again.

Well, my husband has been home for nearly 4 weeks now. He appears to be getting back to his normal self.

While I took my kids away for a week's holiday before Easter, he painted the house and tidied up the garden - I hadn't seen this motivation and enthusiasm for at least a year. Then when we came back, he told me that he intended to stay - and work and re-integrate.

My feelings were - and still are - very muddled up. I am worried that his delusions will come back and that I won't be able to relate to him and I am still quite angry that he left me as a single parent for so long and has now come back, repented, and expects me to be the loving wife. I know this is what the Bible teaches us, but it is very difficult to practise. He has not paid a single cent towards the upkeep of the family or house since he initially left in October and that makes me bitter.

But, I have not deserted him. He's sleeping in the guest room and he's looking for a job (well, I'm applying for them on his behalf and he just turns up for the interviews). Now and again he lets slip about how he can make all the flowers in the world yellow or that he can determine when spring starts etc and he freaks out when my kids play vampires and stuff. But we no longer listen to him.

His time on his own away from home meant that he realised that he couldn't actually go and heal people or stop earthquakes but that his place is with his family. At the moment, I'm giving him a shelter and letting him be with his kids and I hope that he will find the strength to conquer this - for all of our sakes.

So, guys, there's your update. This isn't a happy ending though. :wink:
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