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How do you feel today? *may trigger

Open discussions about Cutting and Self Injury. This forum may be triggering.

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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby weepingwillow » Wed Oct 21, 2020 11:41 pm

Snaga wrote:Thank you sweetie actually I was gonna earlier but someone walked in on me. And then I forgot about it.

I'm glad!

(Hugs)

Willow
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby ArchCannon » Fri Oct 23, 2020 2:43 pm

I feel like $#%^ nowadays, like I'm always going to be a failure and disappointment. People tell me I'm at the starting doorstep of my life but imo I'm going to crush and burn, diving head-first, like the end of it all draws closer and closer.
At the same time I feel like a teenager who isn't ready for adult life, into which I am thrown. My mind is even more of a maelstrom than it was when I was a teen. And I heard it's just a teenage phase.
I also feel more and more exhausted every day, suffering from insomnia. Until about a month ago, some prescription-free pills were helping me with falling asleep, but they don't work anymore.

I know I should get some mental health help, but I don't have the money for it. Soon I won't have time for it either, hopefully. (hoping to find employment). In any case, I feel like I'm not ready for it anyways.

Btw I'm 21 and I've never achieved anything and I'm not doing anything with my life. Worthless piece of crap.
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby weepingwillow » Fri Oct 23, 2020 8:42 pm

Im sorry to hear you are feeling so awful and i really do hope things improve for you soon!
I know what you mean about not being ready for adult life, im 40 and some days i dont feel like i can cope with it.


Ive been struggling quite a bit recently but i think im turning a corner. I still need to talk to my mental health team about things but i am feeling a bit more positive today. I just hope it lasts!

willow
Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Snaga » Sat Oct 24, 2020 1:49 am

I'm in my fifties and don't feel as if I done much with my life, so.... you ain't alone, Arch. All we can do is try, and keep at it. I often don't think I was ever meant to feel as if I amounted to anything, or be truly contented.

What sleep aid have you been using?

And I'm glad you're feeling hopeful, Willow! I have always thought this is just a speed bump, I know you've done well enough to go a while without the self-harm, so I hadn't worried too much about your mood, but I'm heartened to hear you feel you're about to slide into a better mental space.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby ArchCannon » Sun Oct 25, 2020 3:47 pm

I truly hope the road turns out to be straighter for you after the next turn, willow. Good to hear that that's what it looks like. I'm cheering for you.

I often don't think I was ever meant to feel as if I amounted to anything too, I share this sentiment.

It contains melatonin, and it's composition is based on herbs.
Might have to look for something stronger though.
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Snaga » Mon Oct 26, 2020 12:08 am

ArchCannon wrote:It contains melatonin, and it's composition is based on herbs.
Might have to look for something stronger though.


Ah. I've used Benadryl for so long, that I've a bit of a tolerance to the normal dose.

I don't recommend it- it's too late for me, but I hear long-term use might increase the chance for dementia when one grows elderly.

I've tried Valerian, and it makes my heart race. Things like benadryl, and ever 'natural' supplements I always counsel to take a little first very carefully. Some people are affected by benadryl, the way valerian root does me.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby ArchCannon » Mon Oct 26, 2020 1:31 am

Well, I've already built up a dependence for that stuff, perhaps even tolerance, so I'm afraid my range of options might be running thin already.
Not to mention it makes derealization episodes more frequent. Which I guess feels a bit similar to dementia sometimes?
(also my grandfather suffers from Alzheimer's, which might put me at increased risk).
So yeah, I might be running out of options soon, which scares me a little.
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby ArchCannon » Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:32 pm

The urges are getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. Today I got very close to going through with it.
Ultimately the fact that I'm going to visit family stopped me.
Last edited by ArchCannon on Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Snaga » Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:34 pm

Hugs, if wanted! Try not to.... anything you can do to try and distract yourself until the mood passes. If you slip, at least try and be gentle with yourself and not do it too severely.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby ArchCannon » Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:38 pm

Might have to resort to someplace less noticeable, in the end. Thanks for the hugs, wow you reply fast!
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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