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How do you feel today? *may trigger

Open discussions about Cutting and Self Injury. This forum may be triggering.

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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Briwitching » Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:06 pm

I feel really disconnected from my friends lately. I'm currently not in a depressed state so I'm really apprehensive of my mood right now. I just feel like every time I talk with my friends they have secret feelings and are just putting up with me and I almost feel the same way? I'm just bored of them and maybe they're treating me the same cause they can tell. idk though. I'm doing online school and I have a break these next two weeks and I'm so bored of everything to the point I feel insecure. I'm 3 months clean from sh and I'm really planning on sticking with it, I just need to vent my frustrations.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby voracious_lemon » Tue May 08, 2018 2:18 am

FURIOUS. I guess I'm not sleeping tonight! Or ever! At least not until I move out and don't have anyone living with me or neighbors for miles around! And my ability to function is based on sleeping well, so I guess I'm never going to be able to do anything except yell about how I haven't slept in years! Or I could go back on clozapine, and then complain that I've never been able to do anything except sleep and eat!

It sucks, and I'm feeling quite hopeless right now. I could continue doing what I'm doing and likely wind up dead, in a hospital, or in jail (hopefully dead) or I could go back on the meds that work and give up on life but be alive and not in a hospital or jail. I was really hoping to go into my next pdoc appoint and say being off meds was the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm doing wonderfully. I can say that, but I don't think I'll be able to get my body language to match up.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Snaga » Wed May 09, 2018 7:26 pm

I'm sorry it seems to be an either/or. Is there some compromise in between in the dosage? I wonder if a compounding pharmacy can customise the dose on the clozapine until it's just enough to help you sleep, if standard dosings seem to be too much/too little.

Of course, you may already have thought of that....
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby voracious_lemon » Thu May 10, 2018 1:22 am

I get the side effects on a lower dose than I get the desired effects. 50mg will knock me out for 10 hours and feel like crap mentally, but it won't keep mania/psychosis at bay until 200mg, where the side effects leave me functioning just as poorly as 0mg but in a different way.

I really need to figure something out soon though. I don't think I can handle working right now and my summer job starts the 25th.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Siamese Fever » Tue May 22, 2018 6:49 am

During my previous therapy session, my two doctors coonfirmed that i'll be a trainwreck in therapy for rest of my life. quite uplifting.... tho I'm seem to be fine today, as in hermit times of late. I haven't been cutting on myself or been activitly suicidal lately, tho that can always change on a dime.

Boyfriend is never around.

Eeh, been passing the days by drinking heavily, hitting the amphetamines, and smoking every now and then, when I'm not sleeping. The less I exist, the better
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby elfluck » Sun May 27, 2018 5:02 am

...I guess today was...a war, as everyday seems. I still remember the day I decided to fight.I get butterflies at the stop light, breathing and telling my self to relax before turning the wheel. i still get anxious. This war of mine has been going on since I was able to rationalize thoughts. I feel this purpose to overcome, but I still have my days of suffering. I'm currently trying to make meaning out of my suffering.
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Butterfly8 » Wed May 30, 2018 10:18 pm

Sad,,my depression has a strong hold on me..I have no motivation..6 days and still in pajamas and have not showered ..too tired
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Kasmakorp » Fri Jun 01, 2018 7:34 am

Today was... Something I guess? Felt more numb and everything was slower. Spent a couple of hours looking at a blank wall shaking and talking about stuff. Didn't want to eat my tea so got rid of it. Protocol kept arguing with me so I shut him out by cutting myself. Had to clean the floor after leg had stopped bleeding. By far one of the worst episodes I have had. So yeah been feeling pretty bad. Used to it now
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby Butterfly8 » Wed Jun 06, 2018 6:28 am

I just wanted to say first off to the person who wrote before me...kas...sorry I have a terrible memory and forgot how to spell your name....but I'm very sorry that you are feeling so bad..try to be kind to yourself.

I'm anxious...I have not slept in 3 days and I can't seem to find anything that helps..my body hurts all over and I try not to punish it but I feel like if I do cut I can feel a different pain ..does anyone understand that ?..

I have a job interview tomorrow.and I'm scared..not that I'm nervous about the job interview..I'm more then qualified. Possibly over Qualified..but it's a job I want and I would be working in an area that is high stress ,that I worry is a bit of an unsafe environment..compared to my job now it definitely is.but I would be helping others..so I'm confused ..anxious..so so tired
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Re: How do you feel today? *may trigger

Postby hursegurl_92 » Thu Jun 07, 2018 1:40 am

I haven't posted here in awhile, but I can feel myself falling back into my old patterns of thinking. I am going numb and it scares me. I haven't cut in probably about 3 years but I am starting to contemplate cutting again and I don't want to go back on all my progress. I am not sure what is the cause of this feeling.
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