***trigger**** apologise

Dear fellow sufferers,
I greet you humbly from rural Western Africa.
Please forgive me for typing these horrible words. I truly, sincerely, hope they are not hurtful, they are merely my pain. Moderators, I acknowledge you, and respectfully apologise to you if I do wrong here - I guess you shall just delete these foul words, but for pity sake, spare me just a moment of pity as you do so please? For I have nowhere else to speak my pain. I live in a small town in Africa, there's no free suicide service or counselor to call here. And no high-tech medical care either. Here, in this village, someone who says such things is outcast as mad.
I only type this because there's literally no-one else to tell how badly I need to die, and oh dear deceased mother, it's so bad, and I can tell no single person. My family are at their festive party. I'm sitting here supposedly 'at work' alone, agonising, aching, begging, to die. A few years back the pain in my mind grew so bad *mod edit*. The Police came, drove me to the local clinic. I lied and told the doctors I fell onto a fence stake. Had I told the truth, I would have been jailed. They believed me.. it was very painful, the long drive to hospital, I nearly died. Now I sit again, *mod edit*. The gate is locked, dogs have food and water.. no one will be endangered..I want no harm to any person but myself, and my soul is burning..how useless, worthless, pathetic a waste of life I am. Deeply ashamed. Why were we given life, we who suffer so badly to live it..my Ancestors must truly despise me - to them also, please forgive me?
Again, I apologise respectfully to anyone my words might offend, and send warm greetings from Africa. Thank you