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Why not?

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Why not?

Postby Lola12 » Fri Sep 10, 2021 8:39 pm

Life is hard. I don't believe that I've had it that had, but still it's hard.
~~~Warning!!Triggering content~~~
I need a reason not to die. I can't find one now. My family was the main reason why I didn't do it in the past, but from this point of view, the dissappointment that I see when they look at me, maybe it would be better if I did do it on those many occations that I thought about doing it. Another reason was the believe that I was meant to be alive for whatever reason. I know that the Universe is complex and that nothing is an accident, but I have tried to ask for help from it, asked for a minimal sign, and I got nothing. I feel hopless. I don't know what to do, but to kill myself.
~~~Warning! Triggering content~~~
I need an advice, but an honest one....
Last edited by Snaga on Mon Sep 13, 2021 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: thread moved per protocol to self-injury forum; no edits
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Re: Why not?

Postby NewSunRising » Sat Sep 11, 2021 12:54 am

Welcome Lola12 ,

I'm sorry you're going through this , it must be a heavy weight to carry . I'll give you my honest opinion :

It's nearly impossible to live up to other people's perceptions and expectations . They aren't you , they can't feel what you feel or think how you think . Your family's disappointment in you is their problem , not your burden to carry .

The only choice we have when we're dealing with others is to whether to keep them in our life or not .
That is our choice , not theirs . That choice is not permanent either . I have stepped away from toxic or unsupportive friends and family before and later allowed them back in my life if they chose to respect my feelings and boundaries .

We get one life and that life is always in a state of change - sometimes good , sometimes not . Why would we throw away every chance for a good tomorrow because today sucks ? With every new day there is hope and the possibility that we will find a way , a friend , an answer .

I personally don't believe in signs from the universe but you came here to post your feelings and ask for advice so that is a pretty obvious sign to me that you want to fight these depressive thoughts and get help to battle through your depression . The first step is to see a medical professional . There are things we cannot conquer through will power alone . Seeking help is a sign of strength , not weakness .

You deserve that hope and those chances to change your situation . You deserve a good life and people who love and support you through the hard times . We all do .

Please keep us updated . We're here for you and you matter to us .
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Re: Why not?

Postby Snaga » Mon Sep 13, 2021 4:54 pm

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

I'd say, Life is reason enough to live. There's a reason things resist dying- all living organisms are wired to not want to die.

Lola12 wrote:My family was the main reason why I didn't do it in the past, but from this point of view, the dissappointment that I see when they look at me, maybe it would be better if I did do it on those many occations that I thought about doing it.

That's an incomplete view, in my opinion. It's like this- I'm an abject failure; my job has moved to another country; I have so many hangups; I'm a sexual wreck; I'm flat-out lazy, I think; I'm chronically depressed; I have anxiety both OCD and General anxiety. I always feel as if I'm a disappointment to my partner (my mother died, so I can no longer disappoint her), but what's worse? Remaining here, or being the ultimate disappointment? As long as I'm alive, things might change- they can improve- I might have an epiphany; I might get out of my depression, I might win the lottery, I might get another good job. Dead, none of those things can happen. And taking your own life is, in my view, the ultimate injury added to insult, if you feel your family is disappointed in you. I can't think of anything more selfish and hurtful to family, than to take one's own life. I ideate suicide a lot- I'm OCD and people with OCD are really good at that- but even if I really wanted to die (I don't because the body naturally wants to live, even if you think you don't), what I just wrote is reason enough not to. Because it's selfish, mean, and hurtful- maybe my partner would be better off with me dead! Maybe not- I can't get inside their head, or see the future, enough to know. Much better that I don't make them find out how they'd feel about it, the hard way. It's just not a nice thing to do to your loved ones. Even if they feel as if 'I'd be better off if they were dead', they probably don't really mean it, and a suicide is going to fill them with guilt and sadness. No. It's just too hurtful to seriously contemplate doing.

Besides, there's no backsies on suicide. You can't get a refund, if you don't like being dead. And I'm almost 60- life is so, so short as it is. Why do you want to make it even shorter? Life passes by too fast, already.

You wanted honest advice, there's mine...

Also, given the nature of this thread, following standard practice, I'm going to move this to the Self-Harm forum.

Tell someone today you love them, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

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