Hello, and welcome to the forums!
I'd say, Life is reason enough to live. There's a reason things resist dying- all living organisms are wired to not want to die.
Lola12 wrote:My family was the main reason why I didn't do it in the past, but from this point of view, the dissappointment that I see when they look at me, maybe it would be better if I did do it on those many occations that I thought about doing it.
That's an incomplete view, in my opinion. It's like this- I'm an abject failure; my job has moved to another country; I have so many hangups; I'm a sexual wreck; I'm flat-out lazy, I think; I'm chronically depressed; I have anxiety both OCD and General anxiety. I always feel as if I'm a disappointment to my partner (my mother died, so I can no longer disappoint her), but what's worse? Remaining here, or being the ultimate disappointment? As long as I'm alive, things might change- they can improve- I might have an epiphany; I might get out of my depression, I might win the lottery, I might get another good job. Dead, none of those things can happen. And taking your own life is, in my view, the ultimate injury added to insult, if you feel your family is disappointed in you. I can't think of anything more selfish and hurtful to family, than to take one's own life. I ideate suicide a
lot- I'm OCD and people with OCD are really good at that- but even if I really wanted to die (I don't because the body naturally wants to live, even if you think you don't), what I just wrote is reason enough not to. Because it's selfish, mean, and hurtful- maybe my partner would be better off with me dead! Maybe not- I can't get inside their head, or see the future, enough to know. Much better that I don't make them find out how they'd feel about it, the hard way. It's just not a nice thing to do to your loved ones. Even if they feel as if 'I'd be better off if they were dead', they probably don't really mean it, and a suicide is going to fill
them with guilt and sadness. No. It's just too hurtful to seriously contemplate doing.
Besides, there's no backsies on suicide. You can't get a refund, if you don't like being dead. And I'm almost 60- life is so, so short as it is. Why do you want to make it even shorter? Life passes by too fast, already.
You wanted honest advice, there's mine...
Also, given the nature of this thread, following standard practice, I'm going to move this to the Self-Harm forum.