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It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

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It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby ArchCannon » Sun May 24, 2020 1:02 am

So, yesterday I drank myself to sleep and while I was at it I relapsed. I hit rock bottom, lost everything I worked towards my whole life. I fell out of college (again). University education was what all I ever wanted and dreamed of. Because of Covid-19 (a major part in this all) I can no longer afford it anymore. I've been supported financially mainly by my parents, but because of the pandemic they noted huge losses they won't be able to do so anymore. Therefore I can't afford education anymore. Furthermore, I can't take it mentally anymore. It's been an obstacle to the point of me being unable to get through it. I know it sounds like a dumb excuse to blame my failings/shortcomings on the pandemic but it was/is a factor too great to handle for me.


On a slightly positive note, I've done research towards mental health help and finally feel ready to make the jump to put it to use, but then again, I am in no position to afford it, really. So as such, I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. I'll try to find at least some minimal wage job. This is my last tiny spark of hope.

If you have read this, great many thanks for your time and attention, this is exactly all I have left. Nothing more remains.
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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Re: It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby HSS » Sun May 24, 2020 10:35 am

Hi Archcannon,

I am sorry for your bad moment.
You know, many dreams have been broken during my life, there were painful moments sometimes.
Then I do not intend to belittle what you are passing, and even more considered that you aren't a "whiny person".

However, life is unpredictable and sometimes what looks like a tragedy today, retrospectively you can understand that it was just the beginning of a new life. Things change, it's what they always do... they change. As for the worse, as for the best.

Moreover, I don't know you very well, but my intuition/impression is that you have some inner ressources.
It's also a good idea to find a job, it's something constructive and it's good, especially now.
“Humor is reason gone mad."

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
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Re: It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby HSS » Wed Jul 01, 2020 9:08 am

How is it going there @ArchCannon (if you read)?
“Humor is reason gone mad."

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
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Re: It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby ArchCannon » Fri Oct 23, 2020 2:04 pm

HSS wrote:How is it going there @ArchCannon (if you read)?

Hi HSS, sorry I reply so late, but I took a break from psychforums after that last reply I made, so you might not see this.
I was working close to my family home till recently, but couldn't stand seeing the disappointment in my parent's eyes anymore, it was just too much pressure to take. So I scrounged up the money I had and moved away. So again having to pay rent I can't afford getting mental health help. I don't feel like I'm ready for it anyways.
Now I'm looking for some job in the new place. I am lonely here not knowing anyone in this area. And this is the thing that pains me the most now. And I just don't know, have no idea how to socialize, how to acquaint new people
You know, I feel like I have no control over my own life, I feel defeated this way.
Yesterday I was binge-drinking and relapsed again. Yes, I was drinking alone. I know, pathetic. And I'm planning/expecting to do the same tomorrow.

Also, what did you mean by "inner resources"?

And huge thanks for replying, whether you see this or not.
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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Re: It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby Snaga » Tue Oct 27, 2020 11:33 pm

ArchCannon wrote:Yesterday I was binge-drinking and relapsed again. Yes, I was drinking alone. I know, pathetic. And I'm planning/expecting to do the same tomorrow.


No, it's not pathetic- unhealthy, yes, but not pathetic.


And I just don't know, have no idea how to socialize, how to acquaint new people



I find the best thing is to just be oneself with others. If they don't care for me, then they don't, but it's too exhausting to try and act 'correctly', whatever that is.
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Re: It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby ArchCannon » Wed Oct 28, 2020 12:13 am

Been there, tried that. Didn't work. Maybe my personality was uglier than I thought.
Besides, everyone puts on different masks for different people. Just being oneself seems... unnatural
They have something to believe in, and that is all they need.
It's not that much. But it's also everything.
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Re: It's all going downhill + hopefully some good aim

Postby Snaga » Wed Oct 28, 2020 3:35 am

ArchCannon wrote:Besides, everyone puts on different masks for different people. Just being oneself seems... unnatural


Mmm.

I was going to post a clip from Funeral Parade of Roses, about masks- but realised there was a flash of a scene in it against the forum rules for depictions of gore. The subtitles were crappy, anyway. But it is about people wearing masks, and masks under their masks.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
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