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advice regarding my mom

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advice regarding my mom

Postby AnonymousCaroler » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:42 am

I used to self harm. I had (and still have) occasional suicidal thoughts but my self harm was not suicidal in nature and I never cut very deep. I used it as a coping method before my parent's divorce since I had begun suspecting there were problems between them and it distressed me enough that I turned to self harm for relief. During the divorce I was able to refrain from self harming (surprisingly) but now after it's all done and said I'm having urges and they're getting bad.

My mom is currently without a job so we're broke, we don't even have a proper apartment right now- we're staying in a cheap hotel. I do want to ask for help but I'm not sure how my mom will react (I know she'll at least blame herself if I tell her the truth behind my cutting) and I know telling her right now will be useless or even harmful if she reacts badly.

I don't know anyone else that I can really confide in, and with it being summer time I can't talk to school counselors. I'm in no position to meet new people and I have no friends my age (I'm sixteen) since we just moved here. I've been homeschooled and isolated from other people since I was ten, so making friends and social situations are hard for me. (I'll be going to public school again after summer by the way, which will probably make my urges worse from all the social anxiety and stress.)


Anyways, should I tell my mom about my past self harm and recent urges to relapse even though she can't do anything (and might react badly)? She doesn't know much about my feelings since I never tell her and I know she's too overwhelmed herself to pay close attention to me right now. I don't want to add to her distress by dropping this bomb on her, but I don't want to get worse and have her find out because I've overdone it or something.


I'm thinking I'll just wait to tell her and try to ignore my urges, or find better coping mechanisms (like drawing). And maybe when she's got a job and has the money, I'll find the courage to tell her about my sh and ask to see a therapist. Is that a good plan? If not, what should I do?


Thanks for any advice and sorry if this post is a mess.
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Re: advice regarding my mom

Postby AnonymousCaroler » Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:39 am

Also I forgot to mention that while I do have occasional suicidal thoughts I've never acted on them and they're not really serious in nature (meaning I don't actually want to die, I just want the stress/pain/etc to stop).
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Re: advice regarding my mom

Postby Sjord » Sat Jul 21, 2018 7:27 pm

Hi
It does sound as if you need help, and I'm glad that you are trying to get access to help.

You sound like you've really thought through the situation so you already have all the pros and cons.
You want to spare your mother the pain that comes with self harming behaviour, but I want to think about what's best for you and that's getting help as soon as possible.

You are in a stressful situation with the school situation coming up and divorce being finalised.
Maybe you can ask your mom if it's possible for you to see someone now, and instead of telling the whole story you can say that you aren't feeling very well?

I also just want to say that even though the sh and the suicidal thoughts can feel like its no big deal and managable, things can get out of hand fast. I'm not saying that to scare you, I just want you to see that these are issues that need to be dealt with as soon as possible. As you said yourself, you don't want your mom to find out because you've overdone it.
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