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support *t*

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support *t*

Postby smurf » Mon Jul 02, 2018 2:36 pm

Hi

I need to reach out for support. I'm really struggling with how I feel. I really want to reach out in 3d, but feel there is much point. My mh professional never returns my calls or emails. Even the duty worker didn't return my call on Thursday. I don't feel valued or worthy or support, guess they think the same......... Happy days!

I feel destructive, hurt, worthless, sad, suicidal to some extend, isolated, let down, disappointed, angry, ashamed, guilty, disgusting, withdrawn, vile and in need of help and support. I hate this feeling and know it will probably get worse before it gets better.

Sorry just rambling
smurf
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Re: support *t*

Postby Sjord » Mon Jul 02, 2018 8:11 pm

Hi smurf

Keep trying to reach out for support. I totally get that you don't feel valued or worthy when they haven't returned your calls, when the same happens to me I think like that too. But it is possible that there is some other reason that they haven't called back. With the mh professional, do you call him/her directly or do you call the reception? Can you try to call them again?

You are not worthless, guilty, disgusting or vile. None of that is true, you might feel like it but it isn't true. I really hope you get to feel a little better soon, and that it doesn't get so much worse before it gets better. But it WILL get better.

You are worthy, valued and good!

Please try to keep safe
Hugs if wanted
Sjord
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Re: support *t*

Postby smurf » Wed Jul 04, 2018 8:08 am

Sjord thank you for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it.

I am still waiting for someone to return my call. The urges to self harm are increasing. I really want to hurt myself. I really want them to stop judging me and listen.
smurf
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Re: support *t*

Postby Sjord » Wed Jul 04, 2018 7:15 pm

Anytime.

I hope they return your calls soon. I'm sorry the urges are increasing. I really want to hurt myself sometimes too. You're not alone. I hope you can manage without hurting yourself though.

"Them", is that the mh professional and duty worker that you've been calling?
It's awful that you feel judged and not listened to, you should not be treated that way. Can you tell them or let them know somehow how you feel? Or can you switch to someone else?

Stay safe
Hugs
Sjord
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Re: support *t*

Postby smurf » Wed Jul 04, 2018 9:13 pm

Again thank you.

Yes my reference to ‘them’ are my mh social worker and duty worker. Social worker rang me back this afternoon and we talked for a while. I cried a lot. I talked about the urges and how bad they are. I admitted to suicidal thoughts and methods, but ........... blah!

Today has been a particularly bad day emotionally. I’m still quite tearful and desperately want to go to a dangerous place, but I’m safe.
smurf
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Re: support *t*

Postby Sjord » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:29 am

I'm glad she/he called you back so you could talk to her/him. It's good to cry when you're sad, so that's good too. And it's good that you could talk about how bad things are for you right now. Did it go the way you wanted it to, or did you want to tell him/her anything else or for him/her to do something different than what he/she did? Do you feel like you have access to the help you need or is there something else you need or want?

I'm sorry that you're struggling, it sucks! I really really wish you'll feel better soon!
But I'm glad you're safe. Try to stay that way.

Hugs
Sjord
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Re: support *t*

Postby smurf » Thu Jul 05, 2018 5:05 pm

She said she would call me today, but hasn’t, heyho!!!! I sent her quite a lengthy email last night, trying to explain how I feel and trying to make sense of stuff, but what was the point? I feel very let down by so many people and the ‘system’. I should know better. They just want to label me and pigeonhole me into whatever treatment is appropriate for the label.

As I’m writing this my thoughts are heading off in the direction of death and I seem obsessed with a method I’m not convinced would work. I feel defeated. There really isn’t much point to anything anymore. I’ve also thought about hurting myself through self harm today, because I want rid of my blood, but as yet haven’t done it.
smurf
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Re: support *t*

Postby Sjord » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:30 pm

I feel very angry, in my opinion she doesn't do her job very well! Of course there could have come something inbetween, but then she should have let you know that she couldn't call today!
I comletely get that you feel let down! But please, try not to give up on them! There are good people out there. You deserve much better! And just in case you're thinking anything like it, it's NOT your fault, not in any way.
If you could have any treatment you wanted, do you know what you'd want? Do you go to therapy? Have you tried it?

I feel like a total hypocrite trying to advice about the rest. I've felt similar to you, I feel similar. So I get the thoughts. And I don't really know what to say. I'm here, listening if you want to talk. Remember, feelings comes in waves, it will pass even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Try to not get too stuck in your own mind, the thoughts will just go round and round. Try to use whatever techniques you know, that works for you, to distract yourself.

Well done on not acting on the thoughts of sh, that is awesome! Give yourself some credit for that!

Try to keep safe! And if you feel like you can't, please call emergency services.

Hugs
Sjord
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Re: support *t*

Postby smurf » Thu Jul 05, 2018 10:18 pm

She is one of the best mh workers I’ve had and I’ve had a lot. I guess I’ve put her in a difficult situation.

I’m at the beach. I’ve now been here for 2 and a half hours. I’be walked along it, now I’m just listening
to and watching the waves. I normally find it so peaceful and relaxing, but my head is racing. The urges are really strong. Ive just spoken to a friend and I guess it’s helped a little, but I dunno......
smurf
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Re: support *t*

Postby smurf » Thu Jul 05, 2018 11:41 pm

It ALL feels too much.

Heads or tails?????
smurf
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