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Do I even have a problem?

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Do I even have a problem?

Postby neveragain11 » Sat Jun 02, 2018 5:51 am

Hey, I'm new and this is my first post. I've only been cutting since January of this year, and sometimes I wonder if it's even serious at all. Like, I do have problems dealing with pain and stuff, but I dunno. A couple years ago I used to work out like crazy and starve myself until my shins got messed up , but I stopped before I became too anorexic when I saw what I as doing to myself. After that I tried to become bulimic but that was pretty disgusting and didn't last long. Jan. this year pushed me over the edge and I started cutting. It's just in my personality to instinctively search for things that are more painful than what I'm going through and it makes me feel guilty when I think of people who probably go through worse than me. I've struggled with high functioning depression since I was 9 (my own diagnosis because I've never told anyone what I felt) and had suicidal thoughts since then too. Still, if it makes any sense, I've wanted to kill myself before and I've wanted to die before but never both at the same time? When I began cutting I did it a few times and was like 'oh I'm bored and this fixed my problem so I'll never do it again.' I did it a little more after than stopped. I don't think I cut at all in March, my scars had healed though not faded, and I thought I had gone through another pain relief phase until 3 days ago when I cut again. I feel stupid a little because my life could be worse? Also I like cutting? It makes me feel in control, and a little euphoric? I don't wanna be sick but I get a little thrilled just writing about it? I am NOT one of those people who cut once and listen to rock and think they are like the sh**. I did start because of...complicated stuff. Still, it all seems so far away after I cut, like it doesn't exist and cutting suddenly feels like a stupid attention grabbing thing to do.
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Re: Do I even have a problem?

Postby breezewriter » Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:33 pm


Welcome. I hope you find what you need here.

You honestly sound a lot like me in some ways. This was sort of how it started for me too, and I had similar questions. There is a lot of information here that I could talk about. I could probably write an incredibly long post about it, actually. You have a lot of question marks in there, and some of them seem rhetorical. It would be helpful to know what all you would like answers about. If all those question marks really are questions, I can systematically answer them if you want. Maybe I can be helpful.

In regard to the question in your title... The short answer that any Psych would tell you is: yes, you do. Obviously, self-injury is not normal. I used to think it wasn't a problem. I thought about it pretty much the same way you do. But then it became addictive. I couldn't stop. I used to hide it but then I suddenly stopped caring if people saw. Part of the reasoning behind that was not for attention, but because I became so numb that I was no longer getting the same release from the hidden locations as I was from the visible ones (depth being a factor). The damage I caused was getting worse and worse. A couple times I accidentally hurt myself way more than I intended. So in terms of your question, seeing as you sound an awful lot like me, it could turn into a pretty serious issue. Talking with someone like me is a really good step, but you should honestly see a Psych about it.

Let me know if you need anything.

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