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Struggling badly

Open discussions about Cutting and Self Injury. This forum may be triggering.

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Struggling badly

Postby OneMoreLight » Tue May 29, 2018 10:05 pm

So, this is my first time posting here..I haven't been on a forum for a while but I'm just so in need of people who understand. I feel too old to still be doing this. I'm 33 and I've been in and out of therapy since I was 15 and it's just not stopping.
Sometimes it feels like my life has been one awful thing after the other..abuse of every kind and so much loss...its not a poor me scenario- people go through much much worse, but two weeks ago something happened that destroyed me. I don't want to trigger anyone, so I'll keep it vague but an allegation was made against my father. I have had a bad relationship with my mother probably since the day I was born and she seems to be getting a massive kick out of all this, as literally my last safe place implodes.
I'd stayed safe for 8 months... but this weekend it all went to s***. And I'm back in it. I can feel it. Cutting and getting out of my head using alcohol & prescription drugs is the only thing that makes sense right now and I am terrified of myself. Cutting is all I want to do, all I can think about. I don't know what to do or how to fix myself.
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Re: Struggling badly

Postby neveragain11 » Sat Jun 02, 2018 5:31 am

Umm...I don't really comfort people too well but here goes: whatever you are going through, however bad is not for the purpose of pointing out how weak you are, but how strong you are. Like it probably sounds messed up to hear "all that sh** you're going through makes you a strong person" and blah blah. But everything happens for a reason? Sometimes we have to go through pain to teach us things about ourselves. You are perfectly normal for feeling pain, it's a part of life's process. But your mind and spirit are way too valuable for you to fog yourself with cutting/prescription drugs/alcohol. Like, I don't always take my own advice, but sometimes when I feel my most vulnerable, the most like an open sore being poured salt over, I become my most cognizant. I become more aware of my worth, and that means valuing myself enough to allow myself to be in pain. Again, I don't always do this, but sometimes instead of cutting to escape pain, letting myself feel and fully acknowledge that pain and where it comes from helps. You are in pain because you have emotions that want to be heard and respected. It sounds stupid, but you are in pain and that is normal, even a beautiful thing. Please don't harm yourself, even if that's easier said than done.
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