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should tell my husband I started to harm again

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should tell my husband I started to harm again

Postby Blahboo » Thu May 17, 2018 9:37 pm

Hi, I’m new to all this but I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this so I thought I would give it a shot here. I’m am in need of some advice. I had told my husband back when we were dating that I self harmed and he took it really badly, blaming himself. I told him I had been doing back in high school even before we met, but he took it as I was unhappy being with him. So with him insisting I went to a counseler and I had been clean for 3 years. Recently there has been a lot of pressure in my life and I couldn’t help myself. I cut myself for the first time in 3 years 5 months ago and been doing it since. I know I shouldn’t and it’s getting harder and harder to hide it. I want to tell him but his brother came back from rehab a little over a 2 weeks ago. My husband is trying to support his brother as much as he can but I can tell it’s taking a lot out of him. I feel if I tell him now it will be too much for him or that he thinks I’m attention seeking. Normally I would talk to my best friend about this too but she’s married to his brother. So I feel that it’s not fair to her if she is dealing with her husband and me.

So my question is: Should I tell my husband I’m harming myself or do I go see the counseler again without anyone knowing?
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Re: should tell my husband I started to harm again

Postby Blahboo » Sun May 20, 2018 5:55 pm

UPDATE TRIGGER WARNING!





So I really messed up. I accidentally cut too deep the other day and it required 11 stitches. My husband had to drive me to the hospital and I came up with a really lame excuse. That I couldn’t remember how I got cut but that I was outside chasing our 2 puppies. I suspect he knows I’m lying but he won’t say anything to me and at this point I think I should keep up the lie. I don’t know what to do. Everyone seems to have their hands full dealing with my brother-in-law and I’m just added weight. I don’t want to be another issue but I don’t know if I can stop. We can’t afford a counseler at the moment and I’m scared I’m going to cut too deep again even though I want to stop.
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Re: should tell my husband I started to harm again

Postby aquamarine » Thu May 24, 2018 10:23 pm

Hi Blahboo,

Don't liken yourself to a burden. You're not a burden in any sense of the word. I, too, used to struggle greatly with self-harm (dating back to sophomore of high school to my early college years (I'd only do it once every several months, but still did it nonetheless). The last time I cut - I believe - was mid-summer of 2015. In any case, know that you're not required to disclose your self-harm to anyone--however, given that you're feeling overwhelmed by the idea of concealing it from your husband, it might be advisable to just let him know. You don't necessary have to tell him in a confessional-sort of way, but you could clarify that what prompted your hospital visit was indeed a result of self-harm. Should you decide to tell him, I would reassure him that a) this is something that you're working on (it's just that things have become difficult for you lately, so you've resorted to the only thing you know in the way of coping mechanisms), and b) it has absolutely nothing to do with him. He may or may not ascribe blame to himself, but in any case, you can't be held hostage by his feelings (it sounds counter-intuitive, but the guilt only further validates your motivation/need to continue cutting).

Please know that I'm not trying to encourage you either way--I'm simply saying that this is how I'd, personally, handle it if I were in your shoes.

Best of luck to you! Should you need an ear, you can always PM me <3


~aquamarine
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