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Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

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Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby GothicSolitude » Sun Dec 21, 2014 5:27 am

Hey, I guess I'm back on here. A couple weeks to a month after leaving this site I decided I was done and attempted to end it all...
Liver destruction, was my way out I know it could have been fast or slow but as long as it got the job done. My mom found me trying to leave the house at 3 AM for some reason she had to wake up then.. I started to um vomit uncontrollably and she ended up calling the paramedics. They gave me acetaminophen anti-dote and saved my liver... After three days in the hospital, being watched 24/7 I was in bed the entire time. I got to shower last day but from there I was sent to a psych ward. I don't want to say I enjoyed my time there but I felt less stressed. Anxiety aside, I was started on Prozac 30mg and I was good after that. I was in there for 10 days because they tried many meds on me like Lexapro and stuff. They gave me seroquel for insomnia and Prozan for depression and anxiety. After I left they said I had to see a therapist, I got a free one but she ended up sending me back to a psych ward. This psych ward was closer to my house but it was terrible. Worse experience there and all I got was upped doses.

Now I ran out of meds, I don't want to see a therapist or go back to a ward. (unless it is the first one that was was very nice but far)
Sleepless nights, more suicidal thoughts and wanting to self harm again. It's been a month+ since I ran out. I'm sure my meds are completely out of my system now...

Can I get some advise on what to do here? I'm so confused on what I want right now..
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby ElKahn » Sun Dec 21, 2014 4:09 pm

Hi!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through that. Can I ask you why you don't want to see a therapist?
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby Im-pure » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:02 pm

Hi...sorry to hear you've been going thru so much in such a short time. Do you find it difficult to trust a therapist after what happened with the last one?

If it was me, i think a top priority at this time would be to get myself into a more stable place emotionally talking. What do you think could help with that?
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby lilyfairy » Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:05 pm

Hi there- welcome back. I'm sorry that things are sliding a bit for you though.

I can understand your reluctance to see a therapist after her sending you back to the ward. Is there the possibility that you could ask to see someone else if you would like to take that road? Do you have any other support around you?

I think it would be important to touch base with someone, esp. in regard to the meds issue. Plus it sounds like you could use some extra support atm.

Please keep safe and take good care- hugs
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby GothicSolitude » Tue Feb 03, 2015 7:23 am

Sorry for the late response, I am still out of meds. Nothing is improving either.. I feel as though I might try again but this time something I have access to and something very effective. They won't give me meds unless I see a therapist, so I guess I'd go see one. I found a reason to live, more like someone.. These thoughts though won't leave me alone, they're in my head more often every day pushing me further and further to actually doing it >-<
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby CrackedGirl » Tue Feb 03, 2015 10:47 am

Hi

I think that the really important thing here is to decide if you want to work on getting better here. If you do then therapy and meds sound like they are important even if you are not sure about that. The problem with leaving things is the risk you are putting yourself in plus the fact you may well have your freedom to choose taken away from you. If it were me I would sort out the therapy and meds.

Please keep safe

Hugs

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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby GothicSolitude » Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:16 pm

Trying out some new medication... I feel like it works, but it's really expensive. Medical marijuana, maybe a temporary solution but for some reason I still prefer my Prozac and Seroquel, though i heard seroquel is a pretty nasty drug. Marijuana is currently substituting for both, temporarily. I don't know what I should even do, I want to get on with my life but this stupid depression will not let me! :evil:
I think I have to go pay a visit to a psychiatrist again, hopefully they won't send me to another psychiatric facility.. This time it'll be worse, the adult section not the teens. Recently turned 18.
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby CrackedGirl » Sat Mar 21, 2015 11:29 am

GothicSolitude wrote:Trying out some new medication... I feel like it works, but it's really expensive. Medical marijuana, maybe a temporary solution but for some reason I still prefer my Prozac and Seroquel, though i heard seroquel is a pretty nasty drug. Marijuana is currently substituting for both, temporarily. I don't know what I should even do, I want to get on with my life but this stupid depression will not let me! :evil:
I think I have to go pay a visit to a psychiatrist again, hopefully they won't send me to another psychiatric facility.. This time it'll be worse, the adult section not the teens. Recently turned 18.


Please be careful with marijuana as it is often bad news for ppl with MH conditions and can make things worse for you. imo and from my experince prescribed meds are a much better idea. I think seeing a psych is a good plan as they may have some ideas

Hugs

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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby GothicSolitude » Wed Jun 10, 2015 5:58 am

I've been using marijuana constantly. I can sleep, I have a lot less thoughts, if I do it's extremely rarely.
I have noticed I've became dull. I don't show much emotion, I don't know how to explain it..
If I were without it, depressed, I'd be uninterested in everything. I'd be uninterested and thinking about death. I can go without using marijuana for two weeks TOPS before thoughts recur. I'm sure it's the psychoactive high, but I enjoy it. It feels better than those malicious thoughts that cloud my mind.
Honestly, if I could go back on Prozac and Seroquel I would. I'm afraid to go to a therapist and then going for a psych eval and being emitted in a facility again. I know it'll help but it's just too much trouble for what it is. If I could I'd just like to get my prescription and be on my way. They were working perfectly I have no idea why they only gave me a one time prescription, only for a month.. Recently I've stopped the use of marijuana after consistent use, it's been about 3 weeks and those suicidal thoughts have returned, along with some SH urges.

There is no need to reply to this, I just felt the need to write down my thoughts and post them.
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Re: Don't know if you all remember me but... *Trigger*

Postby SpeckledUnicorn » Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:09 am

When did you turn 18? I don't know much about being stuck in a ward except once when i was 16, but I thought it was harder to keep an adult in a psychiatric ward than it was a minor?

Honestly though if you need the ward, you need the ward. :C.

I do think you should look at it like this : if you're this close to committing suicide again then it's not really going to make much of a difference if you choose not to and you decide to go back to get your medication again and go to the psychiatrist. You may as well just go get your medication.

If you're already miserable you may as well risk it and try to do something to be stable. Any chance is better than none.

If you're really nearing the end you need to do what you need to do to survive yourself .Even if that means doing something you really won't enjoy or are afraid of. Be you own caretaker, trust me.
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