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Running around in circles

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Running around in circles

Postby sinquelt » Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:17 pm

hey, I'm 18, my parents are in a pentecostal type cult, except it's a bit different and much more to the cult side. Ever since I discontinued going to church I've been having many problems. I have uncontrollable anxiety, and anxiety attacks. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything including living, I have no goals, no vision towards the future, and I don't know what my personality is. I can't stand people and even the friends I make, I secretly despise. My dad was extremely abusive psychologically, and I have no self esteem. My mom was also mentally unstable when I was younger, and abused prescription drugs. Well I don't really know where I'm going with this. Something deep deep inside of me wants to get better but I can't get it together. My parents had me in public school where I've been heavily teased through out my life because of the cult I was involved with. I feel like I've lost some sort of innocence, and that I've lost my spirit. I drink and do drugs as much as possible, which probably exacerbates the situation. I've done coke, heroin, oc, shrooms, acid, and have been smoking as much pot as I can get a hold of. I know this seemed very fragmented but I have trouble focusing on anything that stimulates my emotions. What the ###$ do I do?
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Postby jasmin » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:33 pm

Hi, sinquelt! You might be going through this becouse you were told that if you left the church, bad things would happen to you. You can always talk about your problems. Just let your feelings out here. Maybe you could look for a good psych, if it's possible, but you have this place now too.
Your parents shouldn't have treated you like that. They had no right to abuse you or neglect you. I have low self esteem becouse of stuff like that too. Try making an identity for yourself. Do something you find interesting and maybe get a hobby. Addopt a pet and be kind to animals. Those things make me feel better.
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Postby shivers » Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:53 am

hey sinquelt, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I believe that religious cults have a LOT to answer for, there are so many bad stories that come out of them.

I think you need professional help, and fast. The drugs aren't good, you need to stop using those, they don't help at all. You need to speak to a professional who is going to know how to counsel you about your former lifestyle in the cult and how it is affecting your life today. For sure, you may need drug rehab or similiar. Don't throw your life away at such a young age. You can live a good productive life, with the right support......take care
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