Trigger warning; physical reaction to stress or 'flashback'?

Reading your blog. I think it's great that you're doing this. It truelly helps. And I hope it's therapeutic for you as well. For some reason something is holding me back when I want to read books or blogs about this; when I want to learn more. I've also discovered that I do in fact punish myself when I speak up or make progress within the system. The punishing was/is as invisible as the tormenting of the abusers. Confusing times, but I will be back.

Kindest regards

Hi L,

Hope you are doing ok.

It isn't exactly synchronized swimming, in this system of ours, but here we are again.

We've discovered why some parts started drawing spirals; spin programming.

Trigger warning to all readers who suspect or know they've been or are the victim of (satanic) ritual abuse Information about spin programming:

https://sites.google.com/site/mcrais/spinprog

A few new parts have introduced themselves, we suspect the abusers also knew how- or tried to erase memories and there have been clear images for the first time (to our knowledge), and they are very alarming, but they also clarify a lot.

Today we told the T that it's very important to look into programming; we feel, strongly, that things will go wrong if we don't and proceed with 'normal' treatment for DID (we got officially diagnosed this week with DID and PTSD). We've asked her if she has experience in this field, told her it's ok if she hasn't ('let's learn together then'), and we gave her trustworthy information from the web and from our own parts. This was in an email, and we haven't been this specific till now, so I am curious about what she has to say.

So far, so good; she set every doubt we've had straight, and she somehow has the skill to reach serveral parts inside, just by talking to the present host and without confusing the host. She's good. We also know now she's treated people with DID before. And she's strong, she can handle horrific details. We're starting to trust this situation (still on waitinglist for clinic).

Earlier she asked Ez, who came up with the new theory about co-awareness/dreaming as posted in the DID section, to start writing about his thoughts, because very little reliable information comes from survivors themselves, and she thought it (together with another theory we haven't shared on this site) was interesting.

This is going to be a challange, because Ez gets sabotaged most, but most are aware of this now. I think he's attacked most because he's the best thinker of us all, and the T might also know this. He even got attacked just for posting the first post in the thread; didn't come back since.

So, we have a lot of work to do and P (manager inside), all of the sudden, but yay for that, coördinates the grounding, everyday life, chores, etc; great. This makes our work possible again.

Spinning is tough. Its what I was wondering about when I said that sometimes there are "forces" inside that aim to confuse.
best thing you can do is to avoid triggering any programming as much as you can. don't explore unless you are with your T or safe people. programming is like a spider web. you dont want to touch it anywhere to not get caught in it. who knows what might be triggered.

I agree, that de-programming has to come before you proceed with other stuff. but to do that you need some basic stability in your life. so if you focus on meals and daily structure and a good level of functioning, that is good preparation.
Alison Miller wrote the most reliable books concerning programming. she wrote one for Ts and one for survivors. Your T might want to look into "healing the unimaginable". I already recommended the other one, "becoming yourself" for you earlier.

please be responsible and don't explore these things for yourself. websites about mindcontrol are often full of triggers. If you get caught by that, that can actually mean you die. it is dangerous stuff you are facing.

Thank you <3

We are becoming aware of the seriousness here indeed. That's why we haven't posted here a lot for the last few days; calm down. Yesterday it truelly hit me how big this is.

The forces you were talking about don't feel like parts, but like a switch that's turned off and on. It's ok now, and I'm planning on it staying that way.

Also not searching the web anymore on this subject, not only are there a lot of triggers on these websites, lots of them contain the conspiracy mambojambo abusers use (inplant) to make sure nobody believes the victims. That's very obvious and a trigger in itself.

We hope the T will take this seriously, and when she does, we are recommending Alison Miller; thank you!

And we all hope you will feel better soon, L

-- Sun Apr 15, 2018 5:28 pm --

Positive note; I feel strong; I've survived a lot, and the condition I am in now could've been worse. This gives me selfconfidence.