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Need answers regarding a sort of cult abuse **TRIGGER**

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Need answers regarding a sort of cult abuse **TRIGGER**

Postby felina » Tue Jan 26, 2016 3:00 pm

*Disclaimer* : I have dissociative identity disorder, and I've been in therapy for the past two years. The reason I need answers is because most of the information about this incident is spread out between different parts (alters). And since I do not have all the necessary information I need to make sense of how all of it escalated, it would help if you'll helped me piece this together.

I was roughly in 7th grade (12 years old) when it started. A group of friends (all girls) and I started out a 'group' of sorts and called it 'The fight club'; inspired by the movie 'Fight Club'.
What they did not know, was that I already had dissociate identity disorder. This is the part i don't understand. It started gradually escalting from 'harmless fun' amongst a group fo girls to actual psychological violence only against me.
The parts that I do remember include them being extremely fascinated by me switching into parts.
Then the intensity, frequency and amount of violence just kept getting worse throughout the years for the next four to five years. The violence however, was not very normal. It was more of, **TRIGGER WARNING** these three girls being extremely fascinated by "torture techniques" like keeping me tied up in a dark room for hours and suddenly pouring ice cold water over my head, flashing lights while forcefully keeping my eyes open, cutting my hand with blades right upto these two guys (who were the only guys who ever joined much later) who raped me in the tenth grade. **END TRIGGER WARNING**
What I dont understand is how NORMAL STABLE SEEMINGLY HAPPY girls can go to such extremes. Also quite a few other friends of theirs entered and left the fight club. There were only around 5 girls who were there permanently, and only two very dominant ones. There were also girls who came temporarily, did NOTHING to hurt me, but were seemingly okay talking about normal things (such as who they liked in school etc) while i was tied up right next to them.
Is it that one of the parents were involved who influenced their children into this? Did the girls just come up with it themselves? Does living in India (where parents hitting their children is considered normal) have anything to do with it? Everyone wasnt a sociopath. Some were very sympathetic and dint want to be a part of it. Yet all it ever became was a small rumour in a grade below my own. Nobody I saw did anything that made it feel like it was criminally wrong.
The only people who seemed extremely vested in the entire affair were two girls, who usually had a very poker face expression when they did something crazy, but were completely normal in school, with a healthy group of friends. Is it possible that they could influence SO MANY other girls from time to time to be okay with what they were doing? Cause in the end, these two were only a year older to me.
The only reason I realise now that it was a big deal, is because i show symptoms of ritual abuse which do not seem normal at all. Which was the reason I got into therapy to begin with.
It finally stopped because the girls all moved away for college.
Even when they come back home to visit their parents, they dont try to contact me anymore.
I don't understand how it all escalated into this. It was so gradual, that only years after it was over did I realise how messed up the entire thing was.
felina
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Re: Need answers regarding a sort of cult abuse **TRIGGER**

Postby Chant2012 » Fri Feb 19, 2016 9:32 pm

felina wrote:*Disclaimer* : I have dissociative identity disorder, and I've been in therapy for the past two years. The reason I need answers is because most of the information about this incident is spread out between different parts (alters). And since I do not have all the necessary information I need to make sense of how all of it escalated, it would help if you'll helped me piece this together.

I was roughly in 7th grade (12 years old) when it started. A group of friends (all girls) and I started out a 'group' of sorts and called it 'The fight club'; inspired by the movie 'Fight Club'.
What they did not know, was that I already had dissociate identity disorder. This is the part i don't understand. It started gradually escalting from 'harmless fun' amongst a group fo girls to actual psychological violence only against me.
The parts that I do remember include them being extremely fascinated by me switching into parts.
Then the intensity, frequency and amount of violence just kept getting worse throughout the years for the next four to five years. The violence however, was not very normal. It was more of, **TRIGGER WARNING** these three girls being extremely fascinated by "torture techniques" like keeping me tied up in a dark room for hours and suddenly pouring ice cold water over my head, flashing lights while forcefully keeping my eyes open, cutting my hand with blades right upto these two guys (who were the only guys who ever joined much later) who raped me in the tenth grade. **END TRIGGER WARNING**
What I dont understand is how NORMAL STABLE SEEMINGLY HAPPY girls can go to such extremes. Also quite a few other friends of theirs entered and left the fight club. There were only around 5 girls who were there permanently, and only two very dominant ones. There were also girls who came temporarily, did NOTHING to hurt me, but were seemingly okay talking about normal things (such as who they liked in school etc) while i was tied up right next to them.
Is it that one of the parents were involved who influenced their children into this? Did the girls just come up with it themselves? Does living in India (where parents hitting their children is considered normal) have anything to do with it? Everyone wasnt a sociopath. Some were very sympathetic and dint want to be a part of it. Yet all it ever became was a small rumour in a grade below my own. Nobody I saw did anything that made it feel like it was criminally wrong.
The only people who seemed extremely vested in the entire affair were two girls, who usually had a very poker face expression when they did something crazy, but were completely normal in school, with a healthy group of friends. Is it possible that they could influence SO MANY other girls from time to time to be okay with what they were doing? Cause in the end, these two were only a year older to me.
The only reason I realise now that it was a big deal, is because i show symptoms of ritual abuse which do not seem normal at all. Which was the reason I got into therapy to begin with.
It finally stopped because the girls all moved away for college.
Even when they come back home to visit their parents, they dont try to contact me anymore.
I don't understand how it all escalated into this. It was so gradual, that only years after it was over did I realise how messed up the entire thing was.


This definitely sounds ritually abusive in ways to me. I am very sorry that they hurt you like this. You are definitely not alone in this type of abuse. You are brave for reaching out. Support to you.
Chantel

Dx: (Some unofficial)
*ADHD: age 9
*Major Depressive Disorder: age 19
*C-PTSD: age 21
*Personality Disorder NOS: age 22
*Anorexia Nervosa: age 22
*Fibromyalgia: age 24
*DID/DDNOS: age 24 (waiting on official diagnosis)

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Re: Need answers regarding a sort of cult abuse **TRIGGER**

Postby Dwaynne » Sun May 17, 2020 11:38 pm

This definitely sounds ritually abusive in ways to me. I am very sorry that they hurt you like this. You are definitely not alone in this type of abuse. You are brave for reaching out. Support to you.

I agree this is defiantly Gang Stalking tied with SRA.
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