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Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

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Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby remusmdh » Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:19 am

Okay, these "coping mechanisms & techniques" threads have been dead a long time, but...

Last psychologist leaned hard on me to do positive affirmations, but he offered no help in making them, so I turned to online friends (I have no friends left IRL after all this) for help.

Positive affirmations make me feel sick and like severe lies, and that is at the least. At the worst they make me feel retarded and that I should die.

Psychologists scream at me to shut-up whenever I bring this stuff up in sessions, so talking with professionals about this is not an option.

So...

Any thoughts on what to do here? I'm pretty sure this shouldn't be "here", but i'm not sure where else to put it, so...
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Re: Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby Ada » Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:42 pm

I started a new topic for you, remusmdh. Because I think this is good to discuss, if anyone has any thoughts? I haven't had such a strong reaction to positive affirmations as you describe. But they do feel "fake" to me and I can't stick to them for more than a day or two.

When you wrote your positive affirmations before, were they fairly generic? Or did they feel personal? I wonder if being unable to identify with them might be an issue.

Or perhaps some part of you isn't comfortable with the idea of "constant positivity"? Might it feel unrealistic, deluded, unsafe, something like that?

I do think that if something doesn't work, then don't do it. I've never heard that affirmations are the supreme solution for anything. So nothing I've said above is meant to encourage you to try again, given your past reaction.
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Re: Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby WiseMonkey » Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:35 pm

I feel the same way about affirmations as you remusmdh. I find them stupid and counter-productive. To me they sound like lies I have to repeat to myself to dismiss and invalidate my real feelings. Not accepting feelings as they are and not accepting their legitimacy never worked for me. Thank God, none of my therapists ever suggested affirmations to me. If they'd ever done that I would've been out of the door in a heartbeat. I am not saying affirmations are not useful for everyone. If they help some people, then they work for some. I am just saying that you are not alone in how you feel toward them. I feel the same.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."-Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Re: Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby Ian Reynir » Tue Jan 29, 2013 8:32 pm

I have similar feelings about affirmations, so I don't make them. One reason is that I feel they are like promises that I don't know if I can keep. Instead, I'm focusing on understanding the full spectrum of truth. It seems too positive and too negative for me to comprehend, but I feel better after I've thought about things from both sides. Honestly, a lot of stuff that seems bad can have good interpretations/consequences when viewed fully. All the while I'm monitoring my emotional state so that I don't focus too much on either side or on any extreme for that matter. Basically, this line of thinking doesn't involve affirmations so that's why I don't make them.

Sucks your psychologist suggested something so abstract and hard to do without helping you with it.
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Re: Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby questioner 1 » Fri Dec 13, 2013 2:09 pm

:D
I have had low self esteem all my life because I come from a a dysfunctional family. I use others self esteem to boost mine. I also am a day dreamer and can dream while awake, my thoughts on why I should be self assured that I am healthy in mind and body holistically. Especially in my mind and when day dreaming.

I am thinking about day dreaming positive actions and Analise negative ones without going overboard mentally. Thoughts please. Questioner 1
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Re: Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby xOsp » Sun Apr 06, 2014 2:43 am

You have problems with affirmations because you don't need them. Once you realise that you are not your memories, not your conditioning, not your past, but rather the consciousness of right now, you'll realise that you couldn't be anything but perfect, experiencing the imperfect story you tell yourself called your life [mod edit]
Last edited by Cheze2 on Sun Apr 27, 2014 1:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: insults on other members is against forum rules
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Re: Problems with affirmations [was- Tool box]

Postby Just another Kathy » Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:01 pm

I know this thread is old but I can't help commenting. I'm so glad that people are honest about the gap they feel between telling themselves everything is alright and feeling that it's not. I have felt that alot myself. I think sometimes we use positive self-talk or affirmations to avoid hard things like apologies and making amends. I could recount a lifetime of relationship damage from responsibility and rejection avoidance. Who wants to feel humble or vulnerable? But without that we don't get the true affirmation that comes from recognizing our faults and being open about them. It also gives us the opportunity to work on our faults with other people's support and encouragement. And we can also do the same for others. So I am starting now. I am hoping that the community in this forum can provide the support that I need to be a better person and that I can do the same for them. After all, we're all in this together and all we can do is try.
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