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Repressed memories?

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Repressed memories?

Postby anonh » Fri Dec 18, 2015 2:23 pm

I have always suffered from weird sexual feelings - I was attracted to older man and had weird sexual (aroused) feelings around them, including my father and his friends.
I started masturbating and only hardcore almost bsdm was turning me on, I didn't know why.
Most important thing - I had these nightmares, when I was shaking, had feeling like someone was "inside" me including something in my anus (finger?), I couldn't move or scream. I was paralised.
I remember often waking up with my vagina weirdly hurting from inside.
I also had this flashback about someone standing at my bad, person all in black, at night.
But, there is the thing, I don't have any memories of the exact act. I don't know what to think.
I suffer from depression and dissociative disorder, I am always ashamed for how I look, I feel less than others, I have acne and problem with food - either a lot, or nothing. I had suicidal thoughts for over 2 years. And I had been getting aroused by things I shouldn't (like incest) before I found out it could be my problem.

But I don't have the exact memory. I am doubting it but I don't want to, if it's the truth.
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