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Hate Hate Hate (edited)

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Hate Hate Hate (edited)

Postby Grass Eater » Tue Dec 31, 2013 5:30 pm

I'm a much better writer than this, but I just have to let off some steam.

Sorry if I violate forum rules with gratuitous profanity, but I need to express how I feel.

I hate society.

Sometimes I feel like killing people, but I have absolutely no intention of acting on these feelings. I hate all the #######4 and the formalities we have to put ourselves through, in order to get anywhere. I hate the pace at which it moves, I hate how busy you (as in, people in general, not necessarily you the reader (no offense intended) #####& are. Why don't you slow the ###$ down, why the ###$ do I have to pretend to be enthusiastic and gun ho when I'm not, why should I be? Why are you #####& so fake? Why do I have to be fake in order to get anywhere? Why can't you be less emotional and more down to earth like me?

I hate hard work, I hate working hard so I choose jobs way below my intelligence and skill level because I'm lazy, and also because I have intrusive thought disorder, but intrusive thought disorder is secondary, I hate work because I'm lazy and unmotivated. I hate work, I'm partly dependent on my parents for financial assistance, although I pay for the majority of my things.

Why won't girls ###$ me, why won't they even approach me?

Why the ###$ do we have to go through all these pretenses and all this #######4?

Why is everything in society geared so we must defer gratification?

I suffer from intrusive thought disorder, which can manifest as psychological erectile dysfunction, I am not particularly afraid of women, I don't think I'm more socially anxious around woman than the average man. It's not fear but cognition, the fact that I can't get neutral, meaningless thoughts out of my head at in opportune times, which causes my ed, or fear of fear of failure, rather than fear of failure. It's not fear of failure that's my problem, I'm actually ultra confident, it's fear of fear of failture that's my Godamn ######6 problem. Because of my Ed, some std I may or may not have, and because I have a #######5 job and am partly dependent on my parents financially, because I'm too lazy to work more because I can't handle pretentious #######4, this keeps me from getting laid, and that makes me want to kill all of you and kill women with a knife, but of course I would never act on such things, not because I care about any of you, but because I don't want to go to jail. I can't help it if I'm a bit of a psychopath, that's me, I hate you all, I want to conquer you. It would be so much easier in the jungle, where I could just force a woman to have sex, why does sex have to be such a big deal, why do we have to go through these rituals and routines, why can't we just ###$ one another like bonobo monkeys? Why the ###$ do I have ed, what the ###$ is wrong with my dick, why is my foreskin not flexible?

I have committed crimes in the past and still do in order to save a buck, and I'm proud of it, I think I should scam the system as much as I can. I have committed armed robbery and I have been charged, convicted and sentenced, but fortunately for me, got off lightly. That's the only reason I'm not stealing on a regular basis, because I don't want to go back to jail and eat crappy food and have to deal with people who're bigger, stronger, and more psychotic than me, although most inmates keep to themselves and leave you alone, there's always the potential for that one psychopath who's physically and mentally capable of victimizing you. Well that's "karma" I guess (I'm an atheist). I want to work out so I won't care about going back to jail, I want to lift weights so I can knock people out if I have to, not because I'm a sadist, it's just a good thing to be able to if you have to.

I'm lazy, I have no ambition, I don't want a ton of material things, I just want to get laid, and build my own empire of laziness and not working hard. I want to convert all of you to my philosophy of indolence, because I think work is overvalued. I refuse to change, so I will change all of you, I will change you because I am more powerful than you, I am stronger. Minimum wage should be twice as high as it is, I don't think people should get a free lunch, but they shouldn't have to work so damn hard for the bear necessities, nor should we have to go to college and learn a trade if we don't want to. You should be able to have an ok life and not work your ass off or go to university and college and deal with all that $#%^. Some of us don't want to ######6 deal with all those little steps and $#%^ you #####& put your ######6 selves through you ###$, you ######6 @@@@@@@. I am lazy, I am indolent, I don't want to comply, I want to rebel in any way I can, minimalism, unions, stealing, protests, riots, whatever it takes. We shouldn't have to spend a third or more of our lives doing what we hate. Society sucks, I want out.

I want to steal from you, I want to take your things from you!

###$ this $#%^!!!

I just want to drag a woman into the forest and rape her, I don't think my ED would be a problem if a woman was tied up and I had total control, total power, but I will never do such a things because I have humanity and I fear the consequences of jail time, but yes, I wish it was that simple, I wish I could just club you over the head, and rape you while you were unconscious, and then my seed would live on inside of you. I will never ###$ girls with condoms, unless it was with a prostitute with loads of diseases, because I refuse to commit genetic suicide. You suicidal, self-hating, degenerate scum bags. I think we should just have total anarchy in the streets, or we should make society more egalitarian, or one where I'm on top and you're on the bottom.

I enjoy philosophy and psychology, but I hate going through all the hoops, degrees and being taught, and writing exams like little parrots. I want to teach now, I want to do I what I want to do now, I don't have the discipline or the patience to wait 5 years, be a little robot bitch in some #######1 classroom with a bunch of mindless ###$ who can't think for themselves. Whatever I do in life,I won't significantly delay gratification unless it's a matter of life/death. Man has set up his own prison by making everything so boring, long and tedious, that he delays gratification for years in order to get what he wants today. I refuse to wait in life, I refuse to plan my life, as if life could be planned for anyway. I refuse to set goals that go beyond next week or next month. I refuse to be a robot peon worker drone slave bitch in our corporate cluster ###$ economy where everything is geared to ###$ the workers and take away their rights and freedoms. This pseudodemocratic, corporatist hell hole, I'm sick of it. I'm not a humanist though, and I don't believe in human rights. There is little keeping us from killing one another but fear, love is a lie. We live in a prison.
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Re: Hate Hate Hate (edited)

Postby Grass Eater » Tue Dec 31, 2013 8:16 pm

I'd just like to do a little follow up. I have absolutely no intention of acting on any of these thoughts/feelings, I'm merely letting off some steam, perhaps in an inappropriate place/time/way. I just get very frustrated sometimes, but I'll find positive ways of dealing with my frustrations, like making contact with a mental healthcare professional (I've never been formally, professionally diagnosed with a mental disorder before), getting a better job, and working a few more hours a week. I'll find a suitable girl out there for me one day soon, I just have to be patient, and put more effort in. Life isn't going to hand me anything on a silver platter, as I've already discovered, so I have to play ball. I do not feel this intensely consistently, only very rarely, but there is an underlying anxiety, disappointment and frustration, which I feel from time to time, which is slight, but on occasion can snowball into intense emotion for a few minutes, in which case my imagination can run wild. I should start using this forum when I'm not so heavily inebriated and intoxicated with emotion. The vast majority of the time I'm fairly calm and sedate, and I actually get along with people really well, and have emotionally rewarding relationships with my immediate family and friends, whom I can confide in, but not to the extent that I'd like to, and who are there to support me. Any advice any of you have would be greatly appreciated, and I apologize for being so crude.
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Re: Hate Hate Hate (edited)

Postby Tayshia » Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:47 pm

You love the idea of power and control yet you come across as someone who feels they have little or no control of your life -interesting. Makes me think of a powerful phrase. "The more a person struggles to have power the less powerful they are.
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