Lying and its affect on others

I have been watching the news coverage of the toddler in Florida who is missing and the interviews with the mother who was the last person seen with the girl. It seems obvious that the mother is a compulsive liar and many of her stories have been revealed as being total fabrications. Some of the lies are insignificant in the investigation of the daughter, but some are absolutely necessary for finding out what happened to the child. Most commentators have gotten to the point that everything that comes out of the mother (suspect} is assumed to be a lie including her assertion that a babysitter kidnapped the child.

I watch the mother's parents (grandparents of the child) try to hold on to the hope that their daughter isn't a pathological liar and that there may be hope that their granddaughter is still alive. It is truly tragic.

Most disturbing to me, though, is that I hear my own daughter's mannerisms and speech patterns when the girl in Florida is talking about what happened to her little daughter, and what she has been doing for the last month that the girl has been missing. My daughter has not murdered her children, of course, but I hear the same types of lies. Lies of convenience and lies to help her out of a situation that she should have never gotten herself in.

It breaks my heart that my own daughter has alienated her parents, siblings, friends, and now her own children because of her inability to tell the truth.

I don't understand it; and I wish so much that I did and that she would realize before it is too late what she is doing to herself and those who love her.

Bereft, could you tell her about this forum? Maybe reading some of these threads would help her.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but there is still hope.

Jasmin,

Thanks for your response. My daughter will not acknowledge that she does lie. Even when I catch her in an outright one. She will change subject or get mad and quit talking to me.

I have been told that her behavior is possibly BPD. When I suggested she look into it, she really became defensive. She has at times acknowledged that she might have depression, but never will stay on meds.

She has serious health issues and that alone would cause depression, but I think her issues are much deeper than that.

It is a hard thing to try to be supportive while not getting fleeced by her at the same time. We are out more than $10,000 on her in a little over a year. We can't afford to continue to dole out money and not know what it is really being used for.

You're right, she can't lie to you about what she does with the money. Wanting to change is the first step in dealing with any disorder. Could you try to get through to her by talking about her kids, maybe? I realise you've probably already thought of this and I'm sorry if I make you feel bad.
I hope someone who knows more than I do can help you with this and tell you how you should handle things with your daughter.
Have you tried to talk to her about it as a family? I mean, sort of like an "intervention".

I have considered an intervention session, but I would only do it with a professional therapist in the room.

Even then, I would have to know what the plan would be. What would be the "goal." Treatment, hospitalization???

You would think that someone who had flat-lined and had to be resuscitated would try to make the connections in their life and stable as possible. But...

I wonder how those with diagnosed BPD were brought to the point where they sought help or were they generally hospitalized where the diagnosis was made.

I may make a post in the BPD section and see what responses I get.

Thanks, hon...

Bereft, I hope people give you advice on what you could do. Maybe you could look for a therapist who might help you.

Jamin,

This has taken quite a toll n me, and last night was the proverbial straw when my son emailed me to tell me that my continual attention to his sister and her kids was so unfair that he was cutting off ties with me.

I did something stupidly fatal. Fortunately the firiend I reached out to was a doctors' (my doctor) wife and she got me through it.

I have never felt so distraught and without options, and my life has been through hell, but it was always hell that I could hide from.

I am not sure that I am any better, just not dead. I have gone through 56 years without reaching this point, but don't know how far I have stepped away from it for now.

Bereft, that is horrible. He should understand that you focus on her because she needs your help. Please feel free to PM me if you need to. You are alive and you can fight all this. Do you think asking for his help with his sis would make a difference? Maybe he'll feel included. I'm sorry this is happening to you.