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It's far too late for me

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It's far too late for me

Postby 17jharris » Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:46 pm

I'm 19 years old and have been lying for as long as I can remember. In youth, I was always a bold faced liar, sometimes being called out for it, other times not. I would lie all the time in school as I couldn't fit in with peers. I would lie at home as to flee from getting in trouble. I'm beyond any saving at this point because these lies are embedded in everything I am and everything that I'm perceived as by others. All communication I have with others is through a veil of deception. I lie my way through every situation. There is nothing genuine about me. I don't know anything about the world around me and I don't belong in the world around me. I foresee a future of being ostracized by everyone or committing suicide. I'm too much of a coward to address this embarrassing issue. I am a piece of $#%^ and deserve death. I'm open to any suggestions, but I don't see my pathetic ass overcoming this problem.
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Re: It's far too late for me

Postby NewSunRising » Thu Jul 04, 2019 12:16 am

Welcome to the forum 17jharris .

I don't believe it's too late for you . Compulsions are not " poor choices " . They are overwhelming impulses to do the things that we know are harmful to us . I think it's a mistake to believe that we have no hope of changing our behavior . Do you want to change ?

Overcoming compulsive behavior is hard work and it takes time . A lot of it is baby steps and counseling / therapy can be invaluable in learning how to control and deal with the impulses .

We can change ourselves . A lot people give up when they realize there's no quick fix but the ones who work at it and commit to changing their behaviors find freedom and peace of mind in doing so .

You are not doomed to this kind of life . None of us are .
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Re: It's far too late for me

Postby 17jharris » Thu Jul 04, 2019 3:50 am

I just lack the courage to tell the truth about my life. It's even harder when you don't even know what's fake and what's real about you. But I know I won't grow as a human being if I don't face this with everything I have
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Re: It's far too late for me

Postby NewSunRising » Thu Jul 04, 2019 8:39 am

It is hard to start addressing our issues . But it's even harder to keep living the same way you are now .

I experienced a lot shame and embarrassment when I came clean about my addiction to a close friend . But it was the very fear of those two things that kept me from reaching out for help for years . Was it fun ? Hell no . But after I unburdened myself , it felt like a big weight off of my shoulders . Living a lie is like dragging a huge bag of rocks around with us .

Take a deep breath , affirm to yourself that you don't have to live this way and go out and find the help and tools you need to break the old , vicious cycle . When you learn how to stop the lying , you'll learn about the person you really are .

I'm betting that he's a decent guy , who didn't choose to have this destructive compulsion in his life .
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Re: It's far too late for me

Postby user555 » Sun Jul 07, 2019 2:17 pm

It just feels like it too late. You cant see the forest for the trees. your wrapped up in the middle thats why you feel that way. you want to change but dont know how and you feel trapped.

Look around the world, there is life after just about every disaster! In fact when a forest burns a beautiful new one grows.

I cant tell you how to get out of whatever your in, but I can tell you its not as important as it feels like it is. I was 19 once too. Its tough. One thing that has helped me over my years is to be the person you want to become. I did alot of things when I was young. Bad stuff. I cant change that now, but I decided that i not the person I wanted to be, and so I started be that person, until it became part of me.

Do your best to be as honest as you can from this point. I understand your wrapped in lies, and in fact you may have to come clean on some of them. Its actually an easier out. Also consider admitting you have a problem. sometimes when people can understand the 'why' they are much more sympathetic.

When I was a child I was made to stand in front of people state what I did, and apologize for it. Maybe you could try it out on someone you have told minor fibs. Then hopefully you will get used to it. Its VERY liberating.

Oh, and plz dont harm yourself, your really hurting the people that care about you. Remember nothing is as bad as it seems in the moment.
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Re: It's far too late for me

Postby 17jharris » Sun Jul 07, 2019 8:22 pm

Well said. I tend to catastrophize
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Re: It's far too late for me

Postby willyg » Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:46 am

Like others have said, it definitely is not to late. At 19, you are actually getting a good early start at fixing your life. I'm 64 and have been lying for over 30 years. It has ruined so many things in my and my wifes life. I have been working for years to get over it. Its one thing to stop the lying but rebuilding relationships, trust, and hurt is a very hard thing. But it is doable. Start with shaking off the ending it all feelings. That is truly the chicken way iut (no offense intended). There are many things you can do to feel better about yourself (get more rest, get more exercise, work on being the person you want to be etc) and be able to attack this awful problem. Don't give up. You can do it.
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